it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 9901:
by
Erin
(new)
Jan 13, 2021 06:18PM
“I’ve always hated being looked at.”
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“You have to go forward: It's the only way. You have to go forward no matter what happens. This is the universal law.”
“It’s us against them, three against countless thousands. But for some reason, and even though it’s absurd, at that moment I feel pretty damn good about our odds.”
“What is beauty? Beauty is no more than a trick; a delusion; the influence of excited particles and electrons colliding in your eyes, jostling in your brain like a bunch of overeager school children, about to be released on break. Will you let yourself be deluded? Will you let yourself be deceived?"
“Human beings, in their natural state, are unpredictable, erratic, and unhappy. It is only once their animal instincts are controlled that they can be responsible, dependable, and content.”
“Poetry isn't like any writing I've ever heard before. I don't understand all of it, just bits of images, sentences that appear half-finished, all fluttering together like brightly colored ribbons in the wind.”
“I feel an overwhelming rush of sadness... I'm just struck with a sense of time passing so quickly, rushing forward. One day I'll wake up and my whole life will be behind me, and it will seem to have gone as quickly as a dream.”
“A sharp blade of sadness goes through me, deep and quick. I guess it was bound to happen eventually. I’ve always known it would. Everyone you trust, everyone you think you can count on, will eventually disappoint you. When left to their own devices, people lie and keep secrets and change and disappear, some behind a different face or personality, some behind a dense early morning fog, beyond a cliff. That’s why the cure is so important. That’s why we need it.”
“Now, after so many years, I understand what the Coldness was and where it came from—this sense that everything is lost, and worthless, and meaningless.”
“Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand his reason for causing me pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes!”
“I scream for everything that has gone wrong. I scream for everything broken in our lives.”
“So I am not a broken heart.I am not the weight I lost or miles or ran and I am not the way I slept on my doorstep under the bare sky in smell of tears and whiskey because my apartment was empty and if I were to be this empty I wanted something solid to sleep on. Like concrete.
I am not this year and I am not your fault.
I am muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day, but bones are stronger once they heal and I am smiling to the bus driver and replacing my groceries once a week and I am not sitting for hours in the shower anymore.
I am the way a life unfolds and bloom and seasons come and go and I am the way the spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life.
I am not your fault.”
“You are damaged and broken and unhinged. But so are shooting stars and comets.”
“The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It's in a million little pieces.
I'm afraid I can't help you.
Why?
There's nothing you can do.
Why?
It can't be fixed.
Why?
It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.”
“I once had a dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.But I didn't really mind, because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.”
“There is no perfection, only beautiful versions of brokenness.”
“Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who've already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt connected us at a subdermal level, the kind of scars written so deeply in your cells that you can't even see them anymore, only recognize them in someone else.”
“Tell them about how you're never really a whole person if you remain silent, because there's always that one little piece inside you that wants to be spoken out, and if you keep ignoring it, it gets madder and madder and hotter and hotter, and if you don't speak it out one day it will just up and punch you in the mouth from the inside.”
“Love me, Love me, I cried to the rocks and the trees, And Love me, they cried again, but it was only to tease. Once I cried Love me to the people, but they fled like a dream, And when I cried Love to my friend, she began to scream. Oh why do they leave me, the beautiful people, and only the rocks remain, To cry Love me, as I cry Love me, and Love me again.”
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
“One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is there and don't throw it away.”
“There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.”
“We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.”
hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wow look at me trying to be all cool and aesthetic the last time I was here lmao
fun fact: I'm wearing pigtails just because I felt like it :D
my mom keeps talking about her death and her dying
she just asked me if I wanted to get married
because she wanted to know if I wanted her wedding rings
because I don't think I'll ever get married
I don't think there's ever gonna be someone who wants to marry me
and that's not self-pity talking, it's knowing that I can be really toxic for other people and their mental health because that's just the energy I seem to always put off
Erin wrote: "and that's not self-pity talking, it's knowing that I can be really toxic for other people and their mental health because that's just the energy I seem to always put off"it's also kinda like self-preservation lol
like it's not just sad but its something sadder than sad
like melancholy mixed with bullshit mixed with heartbreak mixed with grief and homesickness and the need to move around and travel and it feels like depression is trapping me in one place and i know that's not what this is so why
im so fucking angry that im so fucking sad
and like nothing I ever do or say or write will ever be enough
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
