trying to feel like me again Showing 9,101-9,150 of 14,783

[Erin]

and I'm just like hyperventilating and freaking out because I can't answer her and I'm scared she's gonna get angry

[Erin]

and then it gets worse

[Erin]

and she kept asking

[Erin]

and so when I finally calmed down the first thing I did was call her out

[Erin]

and I shouldn't have to do that

[Erin]

and I hate that I can't be held

[Erin]

I hate that I can't just cry while somebody holds me and just patiently waits

[Erin]

because I hate when people touch me or when they're too close

[Erin]

and crying in front of others makes me really anxious

[Erin]

and I just wish I wasn't everything that I am

[Erin]

I wish I cared about my wellbeing for my sake

[Erin]

but I don't

[Erin]

and I miss a girl I've never met because she made me happy and made me feel like I could love myself and she felt like home

[Erin]

how is that possible

[Erin]

for someone you've never really met to feel like home

[Erin]

and of course she left

[Erin]

she disappeared

[Erin]

I mean I get it

[Erin]

I'm crazy and super mentally ill and she needed to do what was best for her

[Erin]

but I can't help but miss her

[Erin]

I just wish I knew if she was okay because that's the only thing I care about

[Erin]

and that's my problem

[Erin]

because I still love her more than I love myself

[Erin]

and I hate myself

[Erin]

because I'm probably the thing that drove her away

[Erin]

and my brain just can't accept that

[Erin]

and I don't know what to do

[Erin]

and how the fuck do you graduate high school when you don't care anymore

[Erin]

when you're failing all your classes

[Erin]

when you have no motivation to get caught up

[Erin]

when you just want to kill yourself but everybody is making you feel guilty

[Erin]

and when you are sad like really super duper sad because you secretly know that the only way you will ever be happy is if you kill yourself

[Erin]

I am going to die

[Erin]

We all are

[Erin]

That is a fact

[Erin]

so why can't I do it on my own terms

[Erin]

I don't understand

[Erin]

I really don't.

[Erin]

I'm tired

[Erin]

I wish I could just sleep

[Erin]

what happens when we die



edit: it's not letting me comment anymore again?? is this a new update?? is there a limit?? or what??

[Erin]

testing

[Erin]

yay

[Erin]

it worked

[Erin]

hahaha

[Erin]

guys I'm trying to learn to focus

[Erin]

I keep listening to ted talks lol

[Erin]

i wanna go to sleep

[Erin]

but i gotta do homework

[Erin]

ahhhhhhh