it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
message 7901:
by
Erin
(new)
Apr 24, 2019 10:01AM
la da da la da da lalalalalalal
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but i think i want to be the kind of person who sees the flower and the weed, and not just one or the other, because both are beautiful because both are the same and because yes
i want to be the kind of person tht gets into people's head
i want to be the kind of person that diesn't care about what other people think but about how they feel
who don't let their feelings or thoughts change mine but still lets them be heard
i just want to be a good person but i think that in order to be who i want i have to be an asshole
because that's literally just what i keep appearing as
Just because I'm feeling happy for the first time in awhile that doesn't mean I've forgotten her
I still love her but I can't keep waiting for some sign
So I don't know why I can never really feel happy
my mom said I'd forget her. but I don't think I will. she's stuck in my head, becoming one of the voices so inaudible as of lack of accent and dialouge- something I never even heard from her. I just I want to know if she's okay and why she just disappeared without a trace and it fucking terrifies me okay
i'm so sick of losing everyone i love so i keep crying wolf and one day they're not going to catch me
one day i'm going to fucking escape this head of mine
i want to write but writing reminds me of her
i just- i don't know what to do anymore
i don't feel a connection here anymore
i'm just shouting out to the void as if anything i say might actually matter but it doesn't
i screwed up, okay? I get it I really get it so stop tormenting me
at leasyt that's what everyone around me keeps saying
I don't want to be some fucked up kid anymore
I'm just so tired of making everyone around me suffer
ADIOS FOR NOW AMIGOS- I'LL BE BACK SOMETIME TOMORROW PROBABLY
oof I lied apparently i never came back
I'm going to be honest, I'm not doing that great right now
I just I wish I could feel anything else
I was never supposed to fall in love or to feel any affection for anyone other than family and really close friends, not a stranger from the internet who I can't even confirm is real
I'm going to be the one who never gets married, who never settles down
And then one day someone we'll ask me why and I just I'll say it's what I prefer
and then it's not gonna be like some cheesy movie where the wanderlust traveler falls in love and thinks that maybe they've found where they belong because that's just not me
so because im tired of feeling imma binge watch netflix and feel fangirl stuff instead of emotional heartbroken human stuff
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
