trying to feel like me again Showing 7,401-7,450 of 14,783

[Erin]

Thank you, I love you so much too <3

[Tamra]

hi erin :)

[Erin]

hey TJ :D

[Tamra]

OMG i missed you so much!!!! *sobs*

[Tamra]

*giant hug*

[Erin]

Yeah, well hopefully you've learned your lesson XD But sorry for disappearing without really saying anything

[Erin]

*giant hugs back*

[Tamra]

Trust me I have. I am literally crying right now ;-;

[Erin]

That's good :) And awee don't cry~ I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMFORT PEOPLE WHO CRY OMG- MY MIND'S REACTION LOL

[Tamra]

i sent you a request :P

[Erin]

I know you did, I was just debating? I guess that word works. I just don't know if I'm making any sense right now, or ever haha

[Tamra]

lol. wait debating? *raises eyebrow*

[Erin]

I just I don't even know how to explain it. It's like I'm making a pros and cons list of why it's a good idea and why it's a bad idea to add you back as a friend, and then my anxiety is shooting so I tear up the list over and over and over again and I still don't know why I make so many lists. And I guess I was trying to avoid you and all of this thinking that it'd eventually get easier but it hasn't because I should've learned my lesson that running away doesn't solve anything but I never could. I just I really don't want to make another stupid mistake or trust someone that I shouldn't and so I'm still trying o figure out what I want to do or say or whatever.

[Tamra]

Please Erin, it was just a stupid dare. And trust me I sooooo learned my lesson, I didn't even know why I did it. I don't wanna loose you again. I really missed you when I lost you the first time. I just kept blaming myself and telling myself that you won't come back, but you did... here at least. I promise you I will never do anything so stupid like that again.

[Erin]

I just sent you a kinda long message with a full explanation lol so go hate me there XD omg I feel like I'm high on being an emotional mess like wtf is wrong with me right now

I'm like cry- laughing

[Erin]

also I really don't care about shitty promises like that

omg Erin is actually an asshole

but seriously, just stop doing stupid stuff. making promises about it literally mean nothing

[Erin]

ughhhh

[Erin]

now I feel even worse

[Erin]

I was just trying to distract myself from hating myself

[Erin]

Now I'm back

[Erin]

I'm the best worst person alive

[Erin]

Best beginning of a new page I've had all month XD

[Erin]

why does it feel like I'm lying

[Erin]

I really just wish I could be fucking happy

[Erin]

BUT I HATE EVERYONE AND ANYTHING

[Erin]

AND NOTHING AND JUST ME~

[Erin]

'CAUSE I WISH I COULD JUST GET MY HEAD TO SHUT UP

[Erin]

TRYING TO PRETEND I'M GETTING ANY BETTER BUT I'M NOT EVEN A GOOD PRETENDER 'CAUSE I'VE TOLD MY SISTERS I'M SUICIDAL OVER AND OVER AGAIN

[Erin]

BUT THE ONLY TIME IT'LL MATTER IS IF THEY SEE IT IN ACTION OR IF I END UP DEAD

[Erin]

AND I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE I'M JUST BUILDING UP TO THEM HATING THEMSELVES

[Erin]

AND I KEEP TELLING MY MOM I'M SAD and she asks me why and I really just don't know how to explain that I don't believe I can get any better

[Erin]

she says to change your mindset like it's enough but it's not because changing my negative mindset to positive is like this

negative: YOU SHOULD GO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU DO'T DESERVE TO BE ALIVE OR TO BE ANYTHING MORE THAN THIS BROKENESS AND YOU SHOULD STOP TRICKING YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOU'RE GOING TO GET BETTER

positive: Just go kill yourself. It's the only happy ending you'll ever receive.

[Erin]

I'm so tired

[Erin]

I just want to leave, so bye

[Alia ~you are not your anxiety~]

*hugs Erin and TJ* I'm so sorry for my mistakes too. You all deserve the best this world can give you.

Erin, while I'm not contemplating what you are, I 100% get the people understanding your pain but not sure what to do thing. It is really scary... I always thought the heroes in my life would have some solution, even if it wasn't permanent. Now they are all tired of my brain even if they don't want to admit it...
I won't give you any unrealistic illusions, but I am here, again, and know that I agree, whoever made human beings could have studied harder in life architecture school.

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs erin tightly*

[Erin]

OMG I KNOW I'M A NEEDY PERSON BUT PLEASE JUST GO LISTEN TO BEN PLATT

[Erin]

LOVE HOW I IGNORE EVERYONE AND THEN JUST GO COME BACK WITH THAT? YEAH ME TOO

[Erin]

BUT SERIOUSLY

[Erin]

BEN PLATT

[Erin]

GO

[Erin]

NOW

[Erin]

HE'S FUCKING AMAZING

[Erin]

HIS ALBUM IS COMING OUT IN MARCH

[Erin]

AND HE HAS NEW SONGS ON YOUTUBE AND I'M IN LOVE WITH LIFE JUST BECAUSE OF HIS GR8NESS BECAUSE YESSS

[Erin]

Alia ~nevertheless, she persisted~ wrote: "*hugs Erin and TJ* I'm so sorry for my mistakes too. You all deserve the best this world can give you.

Erin, while I'm not contemplating what you are, I 100% get the people understanding your pain..."

*hugs back* Thank youuu <3

And omg yes that's exactly how I'm feeling right now, thank you, you've worded it better than I ever could. And thanks for being here, really :)

[Erin]

Alex loves Palaye Royale ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Shadow of Whales) (Bvbarmy) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "*hugs erin tightly*"

*hugs back tightly*

[Erin]

NOW I HAVE TO GO LIVE AND WRITE, SO I'LL BE BACK IN TWOISH HOURS OR SO

[Erin]

oops I never came back, sorry XD

[Erin]

ALSO WHY THE FUCK DO I WRITE WITH MY PINKIES UP