it's personal discussion
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trying to feel like me again
Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "mel wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "mel! :D"aka thelma!
hi!"
Haha I had to check your profile before responding because my brain was like 'mel...mel...do I know a mel XD' Anyhoo, hello! How have ..."
haha, i've been okay, life is moving faster than i thought gee..how about you???
mel wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "mel wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "mel! :D"aka thelma!
hi!"
Haha I had to check your profile before responding because my brain was like 'mel...mel...do I know a mel XD' A..."
It's good that you've been okay, and ah I agree with you there haha. I've been kinda iffy lately, but I think I'm starting to get somewhat better so that's probably good.
ahhh I sound so uncertain on whether I'm okay or not
But guys listen, I'm finally doing something about my anxiety that isn't crying WHOOOOOOO
But on Monday I went to the doctor and now I'm taking medicine for my anxiety and it's like omg I'm actually capable of getting help lol
Literally on the first page of this journal I'm freaking out of my anxiety and swallowing a pill and now I'm like yep, I do that now
Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "I can't wait for school to be back. Let's just let my anxiety get worse and worse and worse all because I can't swallow a damn pill."awe poor sweetie, you're suffering so much but it actually ends up getting better
Today's like the first day I feel any happiness like when I look at my day as an overall thing instead of dissecting it
I mean not everything about today was good but I feel good about today and I can't let anything ruin that right now because I've been sad for so fucking long and I just need a moment, even if it's just for today
Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "I can't wait for school to be back. Let's just let my anxiety get worse and worse and worse all because I can't swallow a damn pill."awe poor sweetie, you're suffering so m..."
and worse, it got worse too
Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "Erin (Hiatus~) wrote: "I can't wait for school to be back. Let's just let my anxiety get worse and worse and worse all because I can't swallow a damn pill."awe poor sweetie..."
but be positive cuz that's what they'll tell you later in life too
Literally the doctor was like have a positive mindset like change from a negative mindset to a positive one and I'm just like okay....how the hell do you do that? can someone show me a map because I'm just pretending to know?
okay but also I wasn't completely honest with the doctor or with my mom but I just don't really know how to explain it
it makes so much sense inside of my head
for a while it felt like it was the only thing that made sense
but whenever I open my mouth to speak about it or that time period, I just can't figure out how to explain it so I make it seem less important, smaller somehow, but it's really scary to me
all of my notifications are like from three hours ago but I just got a new one??? so confused XD
I feel like I haven't been happy and on goodreads in a while
well I mean I guess this was sorta why I took a hiatus in the first place
NOOOOOOO BE POSITIVE AND HAPPY AND SUNNY AND WARM AND OKAY AND DANDY AND OTHER GOOD FEEL-GOOD HAPPYISH WORDS
I'm tired and have lots of homework so Imma go for now. See y'all next time~
Good luck trying out the medication. I'm happy for you. If you ever have any weird side effects, feel free to let me know privately or publicly in case your mom doesn't care or something. I have a real life friend who has been through the ups and downs of finding the correct medication, so I'm happy to ask them questions on a very anonymous basis (we've had this discussion before so I can even say I'm wondering because I might be trying something out soon).
Alia ~mostly inactive for now~ wrote: "Good luck trying out the medication. I'm happy for you. If you ever have any weird side effects, feel free to let me know privately or publicly in case your mom doesn't care or something. I have a ..."Ah, thanks! I'm happy for me, too. And thanks for looking out for me, but my mom's actually gotten kind of better about caring. I mean she has a lot of her own problems and there were a lot of things distracting her that made her put it off for so long, but at least she's here now. Oh, okay! That'd actually come really in handy if I come up with any questions, I'll be sure to ask you. Thanks again! :)
I'm mentally exhausted. Life is freaking great. I gotta get back to my homework, but I just wanted to drop in to say hello so hello~
It's like I don't know I can't breathe tonight. last week i was fine and now i feel like i am high on anxiety which makes absolutely no fucking sense and I just want to cry and cry because that's the only thing i know how to do and i'm so fucking scared
I just- I just want to be able to breathe correctly and to be okay and to not feel like I have to be perfect because sometimes that's the way this medicine makes me feel
But it's not the medicine making me feel this way, this is just me, the medicine is just the thing I'm blaming it on like I blame my anxiety
okay, leaving again. sorry for being a mess XD
OMG I JUST SAW A MEG HALLOWEEN COSTUME AND I'M CRYING BECAUSE IT'S PERFECT AND RIORDAN SAID SO TOO AND I'M DO JEALOUS BUT ALSO JUST IN AWE BECAUSE YASSS
I'm so tired of hearing about how she's so stupid because I miss her
And it's like she'll never understand how much I love her
And it hurts because it feels like she no longer cares but I can't stop caring
I'm not like mom, I can't just give up when it hurts
And mom told her I didn't want to talk to her or that I didn't feel like it but who knows when the next chance will come?
I don't care if mom's given up on her, I haven't
Sometimes I wish I could because holding on just hurts so much and it just feels like I'm losing her
I don't want to lose her. I really don't.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
aka thelma!
hi!"
Haha I had to check your profile before responding because my brain was like 'mel...mel...do I know a mel XD' Anyhoo, hello! How have you been??