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trying to feel like me again
message 6051:
by
Erin
(new)
Jun 30, 2018 02:53AM
That panic attack is what made me go on Goodreads
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I thought that something familiar would help distract me
Maybe all these noises are hallucinations from lack of sleep
I've slept later and this has never happened
I can hear the birds chirping, how sweet
Feels like they might break through the window and start clawing at my skin
I just imagined what that'd feel like damn
When Caden said that he wasn't having trouble sleeping, he just didn't feel like it- that hit me so hard because that's how I feel right now, that's why I keep doing everything I can think of to avoid sleeping
I keep promising that I'll take my sleep medicine but I don't
I know that I should and that humans need it, but I just really don't care right now
And I know that that's terrible and stupid and that I should care but I just don't
Ugh I have so much negative energy. I'm honestly sorry.
I'm leaving now. I don't know when I'll be back.
Leave and return, leave and return, leave and return
Said I was going to leave until I got better, which in my eyes was getting mental help but it doesn't look like that's happening anytime soon.
My hopes went up at the thought of getting help. I shouldn't of allowed them to get so high.
These random bursts of energy, that result in me being way more tired than I ever was before aren't helping
And I'm sure excited about writing but I can't write. I'm behind and in word count and I need the draft done by the end of this month
I wish I never told my mom I tried to kill myself because now it just feels like she doesn't care and it was so much better when it was a mystery and I'd wonder if she cared
Gods, she's back into playing video games and it might not be all the time like it used to be but it's either video games or sleeping or being at my aunt's house or eating or something
I just wish she'd stop pretending to care if she's never going to do anything
It's already bad enough that I'm starting to really want to die again but can she really not notice that my anxiety has gotten worse?
I still haven't been getting much sleep. I took my sleep medicine for like one day before stopping again.
I say I want to get better but do I really?
I've been rereading a lot of books lately tbh
Challenger Deep, The Selection, soon Little Women
Ahh that books going to be hard to read
I'm trying to convince myself she's just focused on schooling right now but... Idk
Anyways I have to go get back to work and start writing for the day. See y'all next time :D
Yo, I'mma waste time procrastinating here XD
I've written 13, 821 words so far this month whoo
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
30 Things I Love About Myself (other topics)Challenger Deep (other topics)
Throes (other topics)
P.S. I Still Love You (other topics)
Delirium (other topics)
