Amazon exiles discussion
Don't Kill Snails with Salt ... Creme Eggs & Toasted Teacakes ... Biscuits & Bench Stories, Life, the Universe, & Everything!
message 8801:
by
Isabella
(new)
Dec 05, 2023 06:10AM
We could try something short for a bit, maybe taking turns for a few goes each? So the last post on a particular day winds it up? Or is that too restrictive?
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Bless ya Val. Hopefully it will be quite fun but if it fails to light up our lives, then no harm done. I remember doing something a little similar at school where each pupil wrote just a sentence or two and then folded over the paper, leaving just enough 'visible' words showing after the fold for the next person to be able to add to, following on with whatever they pleased... and so on till the whole class had dipped in. Produced some hilarious results.
Isabella wrote: "We could try something short for a bit, maybe taking turns for a few goes each? So the last post on a particular day winds it up? Or is that too restrictive?"I'm up for anything that just keeps the general concept. And am glad that at least three of us are up for it. It's not something we need twenty odd folk for but would be nice (tho maybe not possible?) to get close to ten of us. Dagnabbit.. I shoulda privately messaged you or Val and suggested that ya put up a post similar to mine but presenting it as your baby not mine. Might have had a few more takers then. : )
message 8804:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 05, 2023 07:19PM)
(new)
Having been told about the last attempt at a mass collaboration on a 'internet novel', I had a quick peep over at Carry On Up The Amazon and that's kinda what I had in mind. Perhaps a couple of tweaks needed but it could stay like that also. Don't bother me none. Just read the first page and had some laugh-pot-loud moments! Those results are along the lines of what I was thinking... hoping for. Wow how do we do without Lez eh? She was a diamond... and a sharp one too... putting in some fun contributions. Lez woulda been absolutely vital to this project God bless her. So...... ANY OTHER TAKERS? C'mon folk I know you're not as tediously boring as those two bookworms I ran in to. So BE BRAVE and give it a go! Let's have a laugh. Believe me I need a good giggle. Some of yous are sharp as razorblades so how can we fail? Even NC is coming outta retirement to take part bless her.
Do I really have to shave me goatee in half.. leaving just the 'tache which I will give a good twist n curl at the ends. Pointing and telling y'all YOUR FORUM NEEDS YOU!
If that don't move any of ya to sign up..... I despair.
I've read The Amazon thread ,it was very clever and funny ,I am not at all an imaginative person but would be willing to have a go.
Ah nice one Anita! Thou art truly a sport!! That's six of us. Slowly getting there. One more and we'd meet minimum requirements... at least in my mind. For the record, a youngster from the good old U - S - of A may be joining our efforts. A friend I made form the Horror (or King) forum and proof that Americans DO have a sense of humor!! I'm kinda like her cyber-(much much older)-brother. She's no slouch but be gentle with her folks if we get this thing to fly. And I know I don't need to ask ya that at all. Says she def up for it and it sounds fun. She's fine and not a bit of trouble... shit forgive me Flora if yer reading this.... that sounded a tad condescending. One more contributor and we'll give it a go? Or shall we wait till after Christmas to give any less regular posters to join? I'm easy.
My Blastro-sense is tingling! Somethings is amiss. Don't think it's owt to do with the planned 'epic' but.... there's a disturbance in the force. I always trust my gut instinct (AKA Blastro-sense) despite the fact that past experience has taught me that's it's not 100% accurate . More like 85%. Not having a swipe at anyone and this is not one of my drunken or ill rants. Temperature's dropped a tiny bit is all. Have I posted anything controversial of late or anything even slightly offensive? Can't shake this feeling that I done something less than endearing.
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks.. wrote: "My Blastro-sense is tingling! Somethings is amiss. Don't think it's owt to do with the planned 'epic' but.... there's a disturbance in the force. I always trust my gut instinct (AKA Blastro-sense) ..."I don't think so, Blastro. As far as I'm concerned, some days I have less opportunity to post, or don't feel I've got much to say. it's a case of 'I'll be back', sometimes.
I’ll throw this in, in a spirit of sociability, though it may seem dull? Yesterday I was scooping leaves from the pony and I disturbed a couple of baby newts about an inch long. When I looked it up, it seems that the late season babies (efts) will stay in the water all winter without developing, waiting for spring to start growing. They can reduce their body temperature significantly so the cold doesn’t harm them. Nice to know they’ll still be there in the spring, I didn’t think they would survive, being so small. 🙂
message 8810:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 09, 2023 04:15AM)
(new)
Isabella wrote: "Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks.. wrote: "My Blastro-sense is tingling! Somethings is amiss. Don't think it's owt to do with the planned 'epic' but.... there's a disturbance in the..."Not really the lack of posts that's niggling, Isabella.... just... I dunno, maybe I'm simply being paranoid. Y'know how we tend to read other people's body language? I got it into me head I can read some posts in a similar way. Now... I've either been really slow on the uptake or am losing more of the plot than usual? Answers on a postcard. This particular nutjob don't wanna rock the boat tho.. certainly not this boat of long-standing cyber-friends. I shall keep my own counsel for now in the interests of the steadiness of said boat and also the possibility that the old Blastro-sense is having a '15% moment'
Can't remember the last time I saw a newt. Used to be a swamp/pool near what was coking plant about a mile away when I was a kid where many could be found. Long since gone and hard to imagine so many in one place nowadays.
No problems here Blastro. And I can't think that any of the folk who've already responded to you would feel any different so if the hairs on your head are tingling, I doubt it's anything emanating from the Goodreads forums. Would the easiest thing to do be resurrecting the Up The Amazon thread and continuing from there? Or would you rather start a new thread?
I think that Blastro should have the honour of starting us off, and deciding whether to tag on to the end of Carry On for convenience or to start a new thread. It should certainly be a brand new story though, otherwise we’d be flogging a dead horse, or talking mule.
Agree about the brand new story but I don’t mind if it’s a new thread. If it stays on Carry on … maybe Blastro should post a quick introduction/ invitation? That might be an idea if it’s a new thread, anyway.
That's smashing is that Val! Was gonna say that woulda been a perfect retort to Officer Anal and Captain Tolerance's jibe.. claiming, of course that it were mine! That said.... it wun't have stayed up there long would it and that would've been a shame.
Turns out many, if not most, of your Stephen King favourites make for a lovely tree.
I’ve seen a small version of this (not Stephen King) somewhere but it didn’t have lights. This is so much better!
This mini gripe might not interest anyone but here goes anyway. I read a LOT of murder mysteries and fantasy, as they are useful distraction when I have trouble sleeping, not great literature that needs a lot of concentration but enough to keep my thoughts at bay in the dark and dismal hours. Lately, I've read more and more where the villains are female. Statistically, in reality this is fairly unlikely, as it is also that women are the victims and serial killers live on every street. We're talking fiction here, I know, so it's like expecting anyone in a soap to be happy in a relationship but frankly, I'm getting bored. In the last fortnight, I've read two books where there was more than one victim and all four killers were women. About eighty per cent of my recently read books have had a female culprit. It's beginning to feel as if the only way writers can come up with anything different is to use the most unlikely scenario and avoid some work. Probably unfair, I know writing isn't the cushy job that many people imagine it to be but it's getting to be so tediously predictable. I wouldn't mind being able to get the killer a few chapters in if only the motive and means were more interesting. Sorry, moan over!
You ever read any Jonathan Kellerman Isabella? He writes a fair mystery when he's of a mind. I had a bit of a spell where I got through quite a few Alex Delaware books. Can't remember how many but know it was the early uns... between five and ten. If you haven't read his stuff before, it might be worth a try. My top Whodunnit is actually by a writer more known for his horror. Peter Straub's third and final part of The Blue Rose Trilogy - The Throat. A long long time since I read it but still not come across anything that's bettered it. Cracking mystery/thriller. Just my opinion of course. The master who is Stephen King has been trotting down the mystery/thriller road himself this last few years. Tho I prefer him sticking to what he's best at.... there's been some alright efforts. Enjoyed Mr Mercedes... and read the second book in the trilogy Finders Keepers but didn't bother with the last un End Of Watch. If ya never bothered with King before, at the moment he just might provide something of interest to you. Or not. : )
Just spent half an hour looking for Geminid meteors. Eleven good ones and a couple of faint ones. Brilliant! Most meteors I’ve ever spotted in one go. 💫
message 8821:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 19, 2023 12:56PM)
(new)
Once again I come to you wise ones seeking answers. One of my lads, on his way back from work, encountered a bench secured with hazard tape and attached was a sign stating 'This Bench Is Out Of Order'. Now, practical jokes aside... I got to wondering what could break down on/in a bench.Of course, Son Of Blastronaut being in possession of his father's curious and not too sensible genes, decided to investigate and proceeded to test out said bench's principle function - its ability to sustain at least one derriere in moderate comfort for a certain amount of time. The bench graduated with honors. It did not however, display any mechanical or otherworldly properties that would account for the presence of aforementioned sign and tape.
Am curious if anyone else has come across a bench that has crashed or appeared to have experienced a glitch? Or anyone who has - possibly secret - information on benches such as this and wishes to make me privy to it.
A picture was taken of this bench but I forgot how one puts em up on threads.
Could it be that said bench has been placed in the wrong position and is, therefore, literally out of order? Maybe it is going to be moved elsewhere, so that it will be in order? The sequence must be followed! Aberrations will not be tolerated! No bench may be wrongly positioned! Or someone is having a laugh … there will be photos on social media of people checking it out or flouncing off in dudgeon while the jokers film them …
Maybe it's a social experiment to see just how law-abiding the local population is? Is there a candid camera hidden nearby? Will Son Of Blastronaut appear on national TV as example of how the Brits will not put up with petty bureaucracy? Monty Python eat your heart out!
Oh, folks started writing a story? What's the title, "Saga of the Naughty Bench"?'0)
Post Soviet wrote: "Oh, folks started writing a story? What's the title, "Saga of the Naughty Bench"?'0)"
Surely 'Step', Bench is far too day in the park normal.
Although Parks are often amok with mental midgets milking Squirrels.
Serial wrote: "Post Soviet wrote: "Oh, folks started writing a story? What's the title, "Saga of the Naughty Bench"?'0)"
Surely 'Step', Bench is far too day in the park normal.
Although Parks are often amok wi..."
Gracing us all with your presence again, Tim?
Not much to update yous all on re the strange bench... no footage of me lad sampling it has surfaced and neither has he been taken by men in black or some such. He has however, just introduced me to a video on YT and I gotta say.... Val's kept this hidden Aussie gem quiet. Many many moons old tho to be fair. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7Rr...
I guess I can't condone the old 'Dine n Dash' but this fella's a bit of a legend. See how several cops are struggling to deal with him. He's only going in that car when he's finished his announcements. They were no doubt thankful he wasn't of a mind to kick off. Possibly a tad juvenile with more than one reference to the err... male organ located in the lower abdominal area... but still manages to sound classy with the slightly eloquent delivery in that accent he puts on.
That's a new one to me Blastro. And a whole Wiki page devoted to it! I do, however, know the racehorse Democracy Manifest!
message 8829:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 22, 2023 08:05AM)
(new)
Val wrote: "That's a new one to me Blastro. And a whole Wiki page devoted to it! I do, however, know the racehorse Democracy Manifest!"Yeah I had a peep at the Wiki meself. This fella seemed to have caused much speculation as to who he was - a whole host of identities did the rounds by the looks of it - with a Hungarian chess player being top of the list. Old Jack Karlson..... top lad.
Upon revisiting the Wiki, it looks like I also got the two mixed up.... even with the facts right there in front of me! The chess player was the Dine n Dasher!
Wonder if there's a racehorse called 'Succulent Chinese Meal'? : )
Collette wrote: "Serial wrote: "Post Soviet wrote: "Oh, folks started writing a story? What's the title, "Saga of the Naughty Bench"?'0)"
Surely 'Step', Bench is far too day in the park normal.
Although Parks ar..."
Just upping the quality, C.
Serial wrote: "Collette wrote: "Serial wrote: "Post Soviet wrote: "Oh, folks started writing a story? What's the title, "Saga of the Naughty Bench"?'0)"
Surely 'Step', Bench is far too day in the park normal.
..."
😆
Gone midnight here. Merry Christmas to all.
A while back Post Soviet had the great idea of starting a saga based on the mysterious out of order bench. I’ve been waiting for someone to pick up on this, or start off with some other idea, but it looks as if no one is going to. So, by way of setting the scene:Out Of Order: A Saga.
Blastro Jnr, known to his friends as BJ, sauntered along the path looking and feeling as cool as …anything. The sun glinted on his Aviator shades, the birds were singing in the trees, children were playing on the swings. The park was a haven of tranquilly, all was well in the BJ universe.
Probably too good to last he mused, and he was right. His reverie was rudely interrupted by an unnecessarily heavy blow on the back and a cry of ‘Hey BJ! Did no one tell you Aviators aren’t cool anymore?’ It was Chaz, the neighborhood bully. ‘What a loser’ Chaz snorted, and ran off laughing.
BJ was winded from the blow, and what’s more his feelings were hurt. He needed to sit down. There was a bench just a few yards away, but to his dismay when he got there he found it was secured with hazard tape, the red kind, and bore a sign saying ‘This Bench Is Out Of Order’.
What could it possibly mean, and what could he do now?
Feel free to take this wherever you like!
Wishing everyone a happy Xmas...have a good one folks.
message 8836:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 24, 2023 02:59PM)
(new)
Right back atcha Duke. Merry Christmas folks!!!! And nice one nc for the Genesis.Still smarting from being caught cold, BJ ripped away the hazard tape in a huff and plonked himself down on the bench with very little grace. "Now who's out of order?" he shouted as he stomped down with both feet. His anger quickly turned to alarm as his steel-toe-capped boots, rather than connect with the concrete in which the bench was set, plunged straight on through until his legs straightened almost toppling him off the bench! As BJ incredulously looked below, he observed that his feet were missing, and the concrete had taken on liquid-like properties as it rippled around his half-submerged shins. If it wasn't for the fact that he was figuring that some workmate had spiked his drink with some powerful hallucinogen, he quite possibly would have gone mad on the spot. There was no pain and his feet didn't seem to be held in place by anything... yet he was somehow reluctant to pull away.
Apols if I've gone straight in the deep end but why not? Really curious to see where this might go cos I have my own idea but it could go a different way altogether. That's the whole point tho innit?
Anyone feel free to go at it and there be no rules as to how much one has to add. Can be owt from a sentence to a paragraph or whatever.
Only the thought of what he had paid for those boots made him struggle for release. It wasn't easy but he eventually got his feet up and onto the bench. The "concrete" seemed to settle down but no way was he giving it another chance. "Best be making for home before Dad kicks off. One leap'll do it". But the bench seemed to have other ideas.
As soon as he crouched, ready to launch himself to safety, the seat curved up, enclosing him in a gentle but inescapable grasp. Seizing the arms, he tried to stand but he was wedged firmly and to his horrified amazement the bench seemed to start to wade through the concrete, making for the path. As it reached the tarmac, it turned to the left but as he looked ahead, he could see that the path no longer seemed to lead to the gate but …
message 8839:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 25, 2023 01:39AM)
(new)
... instead it led to.... another bench!!* This new arrival somehow seemed to be awaiting the bench-thing that had in its grasp this bemused and now pretty frightened fella that just wanted to get home after a hard nightshift. BJ thought he could even hear the second bench softly calling 'his' bench, almost as if serenading it in some kind of bizarre courtship ritual. He prayed that this was just his imagination because the alternative was, at best grotesque, and he really didn't want to be dwelling on the whys and wherefores of this latest development in this insane incident. The bench holding BJ continued its slow trudge toward its potential mate....*When starting that last piece, I actually asked my lad - the protagonist of this story - where the path should lead. Instantly he said "Another bench!" and I thought that was just too funny to resist!
....still trailing the hazard tape which now started waving like a demented inflatable tube man. This action seemed to have a negative effect on Bench 2. Gone was the serenading. If BJ was hearing right, it seemed to emit a distinct "Harumph" and raised a foot in what looked like a definite middle finger.
Merry Christmas all. All of us, even our teenage girls, all just watched Mogs Christmas on C4.Brilliantly done.
They all had The Mog Books read to them and our youngest (5) still does now.
Judith Kerr was a genius.
I'm a Judith Kerr fan too. I reckon I can recite The Tiger Who Came To Tea off by heart. I like the Mog books too but it's surprising how many people don't. I'll have to keep an eye out for Mog's Christmas - sounds like my cuppa!
BJ’s bench shuddered to a halt, its hazard tape fluttering flaccidly to the ground . If a bench can be disappointed in love, it seemed that this one was. BJ didn’t know whether to be terrified or annoyed. He was certainly bewildered. ‘You’re both well out of order’ he muttered under his breath,unsure whether benches had ears, but not wanting to make matters worse by antagonising them.
He set about trying to extricate himself from the bench’s wooden clutches - but wait a minute, the bench wasn’t made of wood, and neither did it seem to be metal. What could this strange material be?
Can we perhaps put the story on a separate thread, thus freeing this un up for general chat? Not that I'd know how to start a new thread tho.
nocheese wrote: "BJ’s bench shuddered to a halt, its hazard tape fluttering flaccidly to the ground . If a bench can be disappointed in love, it seemed that this one was. BJ didn’t know whether to be terrified or ..."
Cheddar!
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks.. wrote: "Can we perhaps put the story on a separate thread, thus freeing this un up for general chat? Not that I'd know how to start a new thread tho."Done! The story so far can be found at (in the Games folder):
https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...
Now this Snails thread can revert to its original purpose of general chat.
message 8848:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 27, 2023 11:59PM)
(new)
Ah nice one Val, good going! And after just nipping over to have a looksee.... most excellent job you done with it too. You are thusly awarded with the Blastrotelligent and Enlightenaut medals for your astuteness.
I also present to you This Frog In A Box for services to the forum.
And last but not least.... two tickets to gain entry and take a tour around the large estate that is owned (and occasionally visited upon) by The Cult Of Mighty Babson. Take The Frog In The Box with you on the day as proof that you have reached the first level of edification and are ready to be trusted with the vial of anthrax.
message 8850:
by
Bangkok Shocks, Saigon Shakes, Blastronaut Rocks..
(last edited Dec 28, 2023 12:23AM)
(new)
And on the subject of our 'Cyber-Saga'.... I made a young friend over on either King or Horror forums quite a while ago, I don't remember which. I'm kinda like her much older cyber-brother...... much like some of yous are like my cyber-sisters and bros y'know. Being a teenager she's only a baby compared to us fogies but she told me she'd be more than willing to add her own bits to our nutty little novel we got going. She's from the good old U-S-of-A but get this...... she DOES have a sense of humor!!! How about that then?Anyways.... if/when she does decide to put in an appearance, please go easy on the gal eh? What a stupid thing to say! OF COURSE yous will all go easy on her... the days when are community contained members who could be a tad dodgy with newcomers are long gone.
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
Ten Poems about Snow (other topics)And So This is Christmas: 51 Seasonally Adjusted Poems (other topics)
The Tiger Who Came to Tea (other topics)
The Quangle Wangle's Hat (other topics)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
Christina Rossetti (other topics)John Keats (other topics)
Joan Aiken (other topics)
