Amazon exiles discussion
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Not trying to sink the thread into the dark btw, I'm just saying my thankyous, is all. As you were folks
Blastronaut wrote: "Not trying to sink the thread into the dark btw, I'm just saying my thankyous, is all. As you were folks"
Don't worry Blastro your post is just fine (well, you know what I mean). Good to see you on here. Sending you another big hug. Take care.
X
I'm SO very glad to hear that everything is coming together so far on all of the Funeral arrangements for your Mum - and that you and J and your family are holding up well ... x x xThis Pandemic really has turned everything upside down and sideways hasn't it? Everyone has had to rethink and adapt to the new normal in ways that we just never could have imagined or predicted at the start of last year.
(*HUGE HUGS*) Blastro ... x x x
A Greetings Card on the John Lewis Website ;o> ...
Brass Neck wrote: "We like what we know even if it's a bastardised version. No-one in India ever cooked a tikka marsala but it's a staple of Brit takeaways. Bet the Italians don't add bacon to their lasagne but I lov..."I much prefer traditional Tikka over the masala version. Too much sauce, just bloats me up. Tikka on it's own is just sublime! :)
Sera69 wrote: "Traditional is just another word for wrong."We must reading different dictionaries then Sera, it means correct in my book! ;-P
I love the funny greetings cards from Rosie Made A Thinghttps://www.rosiemadeathing.co.uk/
They have some good ones for Valentine's Day and Mothers' Day.
I have been known to frame some and give them as gifts.
It'll be Australia Day (or Invasion Day, take your pick) later this month so the Lamb Board has put out its annual TV ad:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCIMY...
That final scene (Aloha Airlines) is a dig at our PM Scott Morrison who was holidaying in Hawaii this time last year while Australia was on fire.
WoW?!! ... it's funny but is also sad and ever-so-slightly un-nerving at the same time because it reminds us of all of the divisions that have been caused by the Local, as well as the National, Lock-downs that so many Countries around the World are now having to continually endure.
I'm feeling rather sad today and just wondering ... has anyone else on here very sadly ended up in losing any really dear friends throughout this Pandemic? Whereas some people have chosen to reach out in friendship and in support towards each other - it would seem that others have simply shut-down, switched off and chosen instead to let go, to disconnect from and even to consciously sever previously caring connections.
My lovely Mum has had so little response or much of any kind of contact at all this last year (including even on her 80th Birthday) with a small group of extremely close friends that she's known and been so incredibly fond of for almost 30 years now - and I've tried and tried and yet still apparently failed to keep a connection going with someone that I have always been so very fond-of and have been good online friends with for almost a decade now ;o<
I unexpectedly did get some kind of acknowledgement of this at Christmas when, after the best part of the whole of last year in not hearing anything at all from her, I finally got a short Email in response (to my Christmas Card) that said ... "I was thinking to write you a message for a long time, still, with the situation getting from bad to worse somehow I didn't. Perhaps we should try to keep in touch with our friends more instead of just shutting down, something I've been doing" ... "Maybe I should write more often too, to see how you are. :)"
And, of course, I immediately got back to her reassuring her that it was okay (when, to be absolutely honest, it wasn't really - but still ...) and that I'd stay in touch with her and then, a week later, I also sent her an early e-Card for New Year that I know (because the Automated System notifies you of this) that she opened and read several hours before Midnight on New Year's Eve.
New Year's Eve has always been a bit of a thing between us because she lives in another Country and celebrates it four hours before we do - and she always loves to Email me joking about being a Time Traveller and urging me to hurry up and join her in the new year ... and so I've waited and waited in the vain hope that she did actually really mean what she had said ... but I've heard nothing at all. Not even just a single sentence back - just to also wish me (and my M&D) a Happy New Year in return.
And it hurts, not least because I feel I can't keep on with trying so hard to keep up what is now little more than a one-sided friendship with her anymore ;o<
With hindsight is the answer to all of this to be found in her use of the words ... "perhaps" and "maybe" ... ? ... or am I sadly still just looking for excuses and answers where there really aren't any to be found? That it just is what it is and high time now for me to also give up and to let go? ...
I dunno? ... maybe I am the one who is being extremely unfair in expecting far too much of her just by expecting anything at all? And I'm guessing that Mum and me are not alone in experiencing this sorrowful situation over the last year either - and that this has unfortunately also happened to more than just a few other folk on here as well?
I just find it to be SO incredibly sad in such utterly shocking, strange, and extraordinary (as well as tragic) times like these, that we should also find ourselves to be losing such special and valued friendships with each other like this as well ;o<
It takes two to completely break off a friendship. Some people will be closing down mentally (not unreasonably either) and may be unable to do anything about it. Keep reaching out on high days (remember them?) and holidays and they may reconnect. Take umbrage, match their disconnection and it's a foregone conclusion.
That's what I've kept on with telling myself, Mr B, and also with telling my Mum as well ... but when friendship drift until they end up in being so far off course and still, there are no responses forthcoming, then just how long do you keep on with trying and only ending up in hurting yourself through keeping on doing it?I've actually somehow 'lost' three online friendships over this last year? - and it also takes two to make a friendship as well, doesn't it?
"and it also takes two to make a friendship as well, doesn't it?" - it does indeed but times have changed and isolation for longer than a pregnancy does things to people. We don't know what cr@p is going on in our mates' lives or how desperately dull things are for them in lockdown nor what that's doing to their heads? If they were friends then maybe they will again in the as yet to emerge 'new normal'?
Not sure if this is just me but I suspect that a part of it is that when every day life is so confined by the situation that it's easy to drift into a place where everything lacks urgency. Paradoxically, it's somehow easier to make room and time for friends when things are happening and we're busy. When today is just like yesterday and tomorrow will be the same, why bother to make that call or send that email, especially when there's so little to say?
Very true, but they have chosen not to even ask after or to care anything about what is happening to their friends? ... whereas their friends haven't? ... and, when it comes down to it, do you still keep on with trying to stay friends in the 'new normal' with friends who consciously chose to just forget you, to let you and your friendship go at what has been such an incredibly shocking, scary, and terrible time for everyone?It's become a real toughie of a decision for me? ... because I know I'll very likely never hear from this particular friend again if I don't still keep on with sending out friendly little Emails and Cards for Easter, Birthdays, and Christmas that I will still be continuing to get no response at all too.
I've found myself doing this a few times before in the past (pre-Pandemic) ... and I just feel too old, and too tired, and too sad in myself to be wanting to be doing this all over again. And so much has happened in this last year to, and for, all of us, hasn't it?
I never knew that it was even possible to cry so many tears and still have any tears left? - LOL!!!
Isabella wrote: "Not sure if this is just me but I suspect that a part of it is that when every day life is so confined by the situation that it's easy to drift into a place where everything lacks urgency. Paradoxi..."That's certainly my experience since retiring in the midst of all this. Everything is manana. When I was working I moaned about the workload and pressure (both were intense and not at all missed) but the more I had to do, the more I got on with it and crammed in.
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Very true, but they have chosen not to even ask after or to care anything about what is happening to their friends? ... whereas their friends haven't? ... and, when it comes down to it, do you stil..."I always think if you couldn't theoretically ring them for help in a crisis in the middle of the night, they're not real friends.
I've had similar in the past, 'friends' we'd visit, and they'd never bother. It's quite liberating to just let these people go out of your life.
Quality is better definitely than quantity.
I was in A&E earlier this year, rushed in as you usually do! No phone credit. No way to contact home, missus at home but no way to get me credit, she tried the online credit thing but couldn't do it. Panicking at this stage, no contact with me possible.
So contacts our friend who lives an hour away, who offers to drive up, and also goes out and buys some phone credit, and texts me the code.
That's proper friendship.
Maybe I have got a slightly different and also a far more isolated and alienated sense of it all? Not all of us that have had to stay Shielding have got any family or any friends that are checking up or looking out for us. I find it increasing harder to be able to relate to a lot of the discussions on these Forums now - because we've not had the benefit of being able to resume any kind of life beyond our Front Door as yet or in getting to experience and to be able to get used to anything of the 'new normal' that is apparently all coming together in between and throughout the continual National and Local Lock-downs.
A lot of folk still get to go out, they go shopping, they exercise ... and sadly none of these things are a reality for us here anymore.
Serial wrote: "I always think if you couldn't theoretically ring them for help in a crisis in the middle of the night, they're not real friends" ... "That's proper friendship"Yep! - I couldn't agree more although I've never asked (or ever will) or ever expected anything of the few friends that I still know - and who are all online friends now.
I kept on emailing this particular friend at the very start of the Pandemic and it took four Emails to finally make contact with her, only to discover that she and her Daughter were trapped in New Zealand where they had been on Holiday and she was panicking because she couldn't work out how to get them on a Plane back Home to their own Country - and I immediately asked what I could do to help her and offered to send her some money via PayPal to help to support them there and pay towards Flights that might still be available.
However I got no answer and then worried about her for several weeks until I got an Email saying they had managed to get Home by flying halfway around the World on several Planes until they had eventually made it back - and so I immediately sent another Email saying how incredibly glad I was to hear that they were okay and Home again and then a week later I sent an Easter Card - another thing we used to share celebrating - but heard nothing more from her until I got that Email at Christmas time and now nothing again?
I feel like I just must have got something wrong with her somewhere but I'm damned if I can work out what on Earth it is other than I seem to now be forcing a friendship onto her that she doesn't seem to want to have with me anymore?
The more time that I spend with people these days the more I prefer being with little hairy woofers! - as I always know who I am and where I am when I am with them! - LOL!!! ;o>
I hear your pain and disappointment Suzy. I think Brass and Serial and Isabella have also offered some insights as to how and why our behaviour is changing. My theory is that isolation has compounded many of the deficiencies in our social behaviour. It's much easier to do nothing. And getting older doesn't help either. When I was working, it was quite usual to leave work, go to the dentist, pick up dry-cleaning, go to the supermarket, and then in the evening, either go out to a play or a gig or even do more work that I had brought home. Now that I'm retired, I begrudge having to take any time out of my day to do any of those things. Part laziness and an unwillingness to get up and do something. Conversely though, lockdown rules have forced us to change our habits. I now walk anything between 4 and 5 miles every day. I'm rather vain about that because I've never enjoyed exercise yet, at nearly 72, I've done it every day (bar one or two days) for the last three and a half months and it's not much fun if the weather is forecast to be 37 degrees C. And we are also spending more time online - food shopping, clothes shopping, gift buying, etc. And some of these new habits, for better or worse, will probably become permanent. I was often out two or three times a week at gigs, operas, plays, etc. Now I have a drawer full of tickets for events that never happened and I haven't been to a show since Patty Griffin last March 3rd. And I feel I may never get back into that entertainment scene that brought me so much joy - though I do have tickets for 5 shows in the next couple of months. But then, I'm doing a lot more gardening. What I'm saying is that the circumstances of the last 11 months have wrought a change in us all that we may never get back to. And it's that torpor that Isabella spoke of that has descended like a heavy cloak. So it's become easy to make the minimum of effort - even when it comes to maintaining friendships. I wouldn't have thought SMS was the best way of communicating, but it has proved a quick and easy way just to say hello, how's things or send a photo or cartoon to friends. I too have lost some contacts over recent times. One was a cousin. I had a Christmas card returned as "no longer at this address". I had to do a search of death notices in the Scottish newspapers to find my Auntie had died. I have no idea where my cousin has moved to. She has a common name and I don't know her partner's surname. But I did resume contact with another cousin in New Zealand. So you win some, you lose some. Cuddle your little woofer then Suzy - you know she'll always be your friend.
Awww, Val, what a very sad way to find out about your Auntie. I am so sorry for your loss - it must have been a very unpleasant experience having to search the Internet and find out like that ... xAn almost identical thing happened to us almost 20 years ago now. We kept trying to contact the last family member to still live in the old family Home in Ireland after a Christmas and then a Birthday Card went unanswered by her usual long Letter back to us. She didn't have a Telephone, and we couldn't manage to make contact by Letter with her Daughter, and no-one else in the family over here knew anything either until we finally received a Letter from the Parish Priest informing us that she had died very suddenly over 6 months before, that her Daughter had emigrated a few years before to ... Australia ;o> ... and that she had already put the House up for Sale.
We had some discussions and very briefly toyed with the idea of maybe going back Home, buying it off my Great Aunt's Daughter and living there ourselves - but our lives were too well-established over here and it was an old House that was always in desperate need of money spending on it yet had barely been modernised over the last Century. As we are now (age and health-wise), it thankfully turned out to be the right decision for us to let it go out of the family after so many previous generations had lived there.
Another Cousin got in touch a year later to tell us it was bought by a Builder who had knocked it down to build two new Homes where it had once stood ... and that actually made us feel better about losing it within the family ... that it had gone with all those that we loved and who had gone before and there was now new Homes and new families living there now.
It does feel like there is no more of the older family members and nothing left to return to anymore in Ireland but I can't see any of us going back now anyway. It's all of my Mum's side of the family - and she has already told me that she doesn't want to be taken back to be buried or have her Ashes scattered there as our Home and the rest of our lives is here now.
As for the friend that I was talking about yesterday... well, she unexpectedly came over here on Holiday to the UK a couple of years ago and managed to just about fit in us meeting up and having a really wonderful Meal out and a fun afternoon together before she was off on her travels again.Since then we have still kept in touch, but maybe not quite so much as before, and I think that the end of all the almost daily natters on the Amazon Forums along with this long awaited visit may also have something to do with this gradual drift in our friendship now.
Visiting the UK was always up at the very top of her To Do Before I Die Lists and I sort-of get the feeling that perhaps, now that it has been ticked off and crossed through, that maybe getting to meet me while she was over here has also been something that has possibly been ticked off and crossed through as well? That the wanting to stay connected is not as important to her now as it once was.
It was such a huge deal for the both of us to be meeting up after so many years as online friends - and we got on so well and I'll never ever forget that far too brief yet delightfully giggly and incredibly happy afternoon that we spent together ;o>
I've decided that I'm going to keep on trying over this next year to keep in contact and, if I still don't get any responses, then I'll say my goodbyes to her and just let it go at that.
Val wrote: "Cuddle your little woofer then Suzy - you know she'll always be your friend"Yep! - as long as I keep on feeding her fresh Chicken and making sure that she is all tucked up in her Bed several times a night I know I'll always have a friend for life in Mitzi - LOL!!! ;o>
You got quite a few friends on here Suze, don't forget that. Just cos you haven't met any of us in person don't make us not friends. You obviously have to be very careful cos somebody online can be ANYBODY but.... I reckon I got a half-right idea on most folk around these threads after all this time. Some of you lot I consider to be friends for sure. Outta the folk that still post, there's only Foe that I've met but I gotta say he turned out to be the same person he appears to be online (that's supposed to be a compliment if yer reading this Foe) : ) I consider him a pretty good mate... even tho we live a couple hundred miles apart and are rarely in touch but he'd get straight back to me if I emailed, messaged or texted him, and vice versa.
I can't speak for the person you speak of but I know that I'd be waaay too stubborn to keep trying after that first attempt. When anything similar has happened to me, I've thought "Bollocks to ya then!" and then they do end up getting in touch after a while and I feel a tad guilty. You're a much nicer person than me tho so I get where you're coming from.
You know where I am if ya wanna have a rant or owt.
Awww, bless you, Poppet ... x x xI decided to put it up on here because I was interested in seeing if this was something that was also happening to other folk as well.
We keep on with being told by the Govt, the Media, and even in a lot of the TV Ads too, all kinds of variations of the Mantra that ... "we are all in this together" ... but I do keep on wondering as to just how genuine a statement that really is given so much of what is happening and also what is not happening within our own Houses, our neighbourhoods and local communities.
Because some folk are just being SO wonderful and SO incredible, aren't they? - absolutely excelling in volunteering themselves to help in providing contact, and care, and support to folk who are more often than not little more than total strangers to them - and, while we can't all be that amazing kind of a person - on the other hand there are also a lot folk who are sadly choosing instead to get through this Pandemic by shutting down and disconnecting from everything, and in doing so, it would seem that they are also even closing down their Hearts as well as their Minds to members of their own family and to their friends as well.
Blastronaut wrote: "You're a much nicer person than me tho so I get where you're coming from"I can honestly say that you, Blastro, are definitely one of a small group of the most genuine and the very kindest of friends that I've have the huge pleasure of getting to know through the Forums ... x x x
Our new puppy was born today, in fact we have a choice of two brown males. His name will be Magni.
Profound thought of the day: people are strange ...Some years ago we had what we thought of as a reasonably close friendship with two of our neighbours, going to concerts, meals out etc when suddenly they stopped responding to suggested outings. They were perfectly okay if we bumped in to them but no social interaction otherwise. We didn't know what, if anything, was behind it. Since lockdown, they've been in touch several times a week on WhatsApp, with jokes and helpful info etc. just as if nothing happened. Still no idea why things changed. Perhaps they just don't feel like going places?
Derek wrote: "Our new puppy was born today, in fact we have a choice of two brown males. His name will be Magni."Awww, Derek!!! ... welcome to this weird World, Magni! ... may you go on to have a very long and very happy and healthy life with your adoptive Parents ;o>
good stuff, derek, pleased for y'all.is it pronounced with a hard g, or french, like mangyi/mangni?
Tech XXIII wrote: "good stuff, derek, pleased for y'all.is it pronounced with a hard g, or french, like mangyi/mangni?"
Hard g.
Lez wrote: "Is it short for Magnificent?"No, but it could be.. Magni was one of the two sons of Thor, and was renowned for his strength, let's hope I can hang on to him.
Isabella wrote: "Profound thought of the day: people are strange ...Some years ago we had what we thought of as a reasonably close friendship with two of our neighbours, going to concerts, meals out etc when sudd..."
Could be, Isabella? ... the Pandemic and all of the continual Local as well as National Lock-downs has now brought about a rather bittersweet change in our immediate friendly social circle of close Neighbours now.
The ones that we've known for years and have always been most friendly with, chose to shut themselves away and to wait on their family to bring their Essentials to their Door - and not to enquire after or to care about checking out on whether the rest of the Road was also managing to get by. There was a rather selfish and unpleasant sense of entitlement that came out from them mostly being OAPs - an expectation of sorts that others should, and would, be providing for them just because they were older in age.
We have never shared in that kind of attitude and we never will be doing either - no matter just how challenging and difficult things have been from time to time here and sometimes continue to be. We've no family but also no expectation that the Neighbours should be stepping in to help us just because of our age, health, and disability issues.
Instead we have come to form newer and far nicer bonds with a couple of newer Neighbours and with two of the ones who have always previously kept themselves to themselves before now. They have been the ones who have occasionally posted little notes through our Door asking if we are okay and telling us when and where they are planning to go shopping next (around all of their Work AND all of their own immediate family commitments as well) in case we ever need anything that they can pick up for us.
We've made a point of thanking them, and offering them our help with invitations to share in our Delivery Slots and online Orders and Deliveries - while deliberately choosing not to ever ask for much of any of them in return so that we don't ever become a burden to anyone or become a responsibility that they could do without.
Yes, they maybe younger and healthier but they are also the ones who having a much tougher time in many ways what with juggling so many other things all at once - Work and family commitments - and all whilst also being at considerable risk of getting sick themselves while they are getting themselves out and about.
It's been quite an Eye-opener of a year in more ways than one, to be honest with you. My Mum told our next-door Neighbour that we had been offered Priority Customer Service with a Supermarket and that, if we could get a Delivery Slot (which turned out to be barely once every two months!) then they were welcome to order in anything they needed through us. And our Neighbour could barely conceal just how unbelievably angry he was that they as a couple of the same age as my M&D hadn't also been offered this as well?! ... and they have chosen to barely speak to us ever since then ... even though they have thankfully got a large and a close family that have been consistent in keeping on with bringing them Groceries by the car-load all through last year.
There's definitely truth in the saying that ... "there's nowt so queer as folk" ... ! ;o>
Derek wrote: "Lez wrote: "Is it short for Magnificent?"No, but it could be.. Magni was one of the two sons of Thor, and was renowned for his strength, let's hope I can hang on to him."
Will he be chosen out of the two male Pups for you? - or will you get to shout "Magni" and see which one decides to answer to his new name? ;o>
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Derek wrote: "Lez wrote: "Is it short for Magnificent?"No, but it could be.. Magni was one of the two sons of Thor, and was renowned for his strength, let's hope I can hang on to him."
Will he b..."
Not sure how that's going to work since we're coming back to the UK tomorrow for 3-4 weeks if they'll let us in. We'll probably have to do a select your puppy by video link:-)
That's a tough one ... is there any chance you might just fall for and get the both of them? ;o>
Derek wrote: "suzysunshine7 wrote: "Will he be chosen out of the two male Pups for you? - or will you get to shout "Magni" and see which one decides to answer to his new name? ;o>"Not sure how that's going to work since we're coming back to the UK tomorrow for 3-40 weeks if they'll let us in. We'll probably have to do a select your puppy by video link:-)"
So then some other person will be forced to call their puppy Móði? It'll be fun calling him in the park.
suzysunshine7 wrote: "That's a tough one ... is there any chance you might just fall for and get the both of them? ;o>"None whatsoever.
Gordon wrote: "Derek wrote: "suzysunshine7 wrote: "Will he be chosen out of the two male Pups for you? - or will you get to shout "Magni" and see which one decides to answer to his new name? ;o>"Not sure how th..."
Our first two dogs were called Dill and Parsley, it doesn't get much more embarrassing than that.
suzysunshine7 wrote: "I decided to put it up on here because I was interested in seeing if this was something that was also happening to other folk as well. ..."Actually, I'm someone who is very bad at keeping in touch with people. Once I've moved on (new job, new town) I don't really like keeping in touch with people from the old place. Then again, I'm an extraordinarily unsociable person, so even if I kept in touch with them I wouldn't really want to meet up for drinks, meals, etc., because those aren't things I do any other time. There is one person who was a friend at university who I arranged to meet last year while visiting her town for work, having not seen her for 23 years, but there's nobody else from my past I have any particular desire to see again.
Interestingly, someone I was at school with contacted me just before Christmas (my work e-mail is very easy to find on the web if you know my full name). She's trying to arrange a 40-year school reunion, although the continuing Covid restrictions might prevent it and that would be just fine with me. Anyway, she had set up a small WhatsApp group of the first few people she'd contacted and it was surprising how naturally people just carried on conversations that had mostly paused in the early 1980s.
Derek wrote: "Our first two dogs were called Dill and Parsley, it doesn't get much more embarrassing than that."Silly. Everyone know's Dill's a dog.
But Parsley's a lion.
Gordon wrote: "Derek wrote: "Our first two dogs were called Dill and Parsley, it doesn't get much more embarrassing than that."Silly. Everyone know's Dill's a dog.
But Parsley's a lion.
"
Where do you think Su got the names from! I used to get very strange looks from passers by standing in the park bellowing their names in the hope that they'd come back. Especially when the Alsation/Labrador cross and the Doberman eventually turned up rather than a couple of toy poodles.
Gordon wrote: "... Interestingly, someone I was at school with contacted me just before Christmas (my work e-mail is very easy to find on the web if you know my full name). She's trying to arrange a 40-year school reunion, although the continuing Covid restrictions might prevent it and that would be just fine with me"AAARRRGGGHHH!!! ... I honestly can't imagine a lot of things to be anything near as worse than in ever being persuaded to attend a School Reunion, Gordon! ;oO
I absolutely hated School for very good reasons indeed ... most of all of the other Kids and virtually all of the Teachers! ... and the only people I was friends with and cared about at School are 3 people that still only occasionally keep in touch with me via just the odd Card now and then.
They all live in different countries now and tend to take it in turns to say that we all really MUST get together sometime with no real or obvious plans on actually doing so - and I'm not averse to that happening - although I do have to confess that I haven't told them anything at all about me being disabled now or being a wheelchair user as I've never felt it to be necessary or the need to do so.
I like the idea of being remembered by them all for what I looked like and who I was back then (and still very much am for the most part) despite everything else ;o>
suzysunshine7 wrote: "Ohhh, I used to love 'The Herbs' ... ! ;o>"So did Linval Thompson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHDg9...
Amazon exiles
Books mentioned in this topic
Ten Poems about Snow (other topics)And So This is Christmas: 51 Seasonally Adjusted Poems (other topics)
The Tiger Who Came to Tea (other topics)
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Christina Rossetti (other topics)John Keats (other topics)
Joan Aiken (other topics)
Gordon - the sorting out of things, the care home, hospital, and funeral directors has gone quite smoothly so far, considering the general situation. Funeral's a bit further back than it usually would be but... they're quite busy at the moment as ya can imagine. Am on first name terms with the FD as this is the fifth member of me family we'll be burying/cremating. Never a walk in the park tho is it?
Belated condolences re you're dad, if I remember correctly, you might have mentioned he also had dementia? I think for most people with latter stage dementia (and in me mam's case, stroke as well) when the end comes it's kind of a blessing for them. Well worn cliché I know but that don't make it untrue.