Help with Fantasy Query

[Joe]

The one thing that sticks out for me is the... and, so. it slows it down a little too much.

The stakes are there too but towards the end. Perhaps bringing the stakes to the start of the query could give it more of a hook?

Sounds like an interesting read though :) good luck with it.

[Keith]

What's your word count and title? Planning a series, or is the work stand-alone?

My impression is you have excellent raw material, but I don't feel it's compelling as written. At this point, I don't have any specific suggestions other than to break up the second paragraph and I don't feel the MC has been introduced.

Good luck!

[MJ]

I don't think the stakes are introduced. Why does Yiera want to travel to Avenoir? What happens if she doesn't?