it's personal discussion
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chin up and we'll drown a little slower;
message 44901:
by
jay, rip
(new)
Mar 24, 2019 12:23PM
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jay wrote: "i’m going to watch Marie Kondo and then i’m gonna clean my entire room out and then i’m gonna take a bunch of shit to this trendy consignment shop downtown and see if they’ll buy my stuff"
MY GOD ITS A RELIGION IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
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but like you get shit where you have like emo teenagers who listen to like MCR, BVB, BMTH, etc. who are constantly hating on people who like justin bieber or one direction or whatever, same thing with classic rockers who hate on country fans and i’m just like... can we just coexist? some people want to listen to Bieber singing Baby and others want to listen to Gerard Way and a single g-note. like there’s no need to hate on anyone for their taste in music.
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my face lately has been nuts with acne, not just the normal pimples get but full on cysts under my skin that are so painful and full of fluid so i bought a bunch of skin stuff to help with it and nothings worked so far
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anyway, today i tried to find a stuffed ewok so i could buy it for her for mother’s day, but for the life of me i can’t find one.
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but yell at my cats? i’ll fucking beat your ass.
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and then it transformed into my “edgy” phase of like, halsey and melanie martinez, where i would turn everything into a dark photo shoot and wore dramatic eye makeup and romanticized cigarettes and thought smoking was the coolest thing ever and did some illegal shit
and THEN i was in my most recent phase of mustard yellow and succulents and overalls and Tyler, the Creator and LANY and sunflowers and too much highlighter and vinyl records and ukulele and wow literally every part of every phase of mine was pure cringe
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literally no one:
2014 me: i can’t believe MCR broke up Dx *cries in a corner* *eats all the cookiez to feel better* :3 yummy cookies! xD i’m so rAndOm hehe
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literally no one:
2016 me:
everything is blue, i need a cig right now omggg. but seriously like why do we always get kicked out of the cemetery at night? like omg i just want some pics for my grunge aesthetic tumblr
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literally no one:
2018 me: 🌻happy🌻 🌞free🌞 ugh where is my cropped mustard yellow sweater?? it just makes me feel so happy inside because it matches my aura 💫💫💫
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literally no one:
current me (2019): omfg i’m literally dying why is calc so hard, should i just drop out of school? what am i even doing with my life,,, like srsly i’m so confused and tired all the time,,
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literally no one:
2031 me: *happily living with a domestic partner doing a job i love, traveling often, and eating well*
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When was the last time you cried?
literally five seconds ago
Are you a very emotional person?
fuck yeah
Do you ever feel left out? When?
do you mean: my entire life
Are you an introvert or somewhat outgoing?
i’m a bit of both, mostly introvert
Do you ever have short/quick, angry outbreaks?
literally always
Do you hate anyone? Who and why?
uh, yeah. i don’t like the word hate but i do feel hate just like every other emotion. i hate a few people who have hurt me, and who continue to hurt me. i hate people that ruined my childhood for me cause that’s something i’ll never get back. i hate whoever fucked this world up to the point where i truly feel like i’ll never be alright.
How useful do you feel to others?
pretty useful, i guess. i try my best to talk people through their life shit and also some people i know irl tell their parents that they’re with me when they’re actually hanging out with their SO’s, and i’m MH’s favorite person to vent to.
Do you think you’re depressed? Why?
yes because i have a diagnosis and have been in therapy for 4 years
Crisis
Are you ever picked on (adult or child)? By who and why?
i was picked on a lot in middle school cause i was “different”, by various people that usually come with the whole middle school stuff. in high school i had a lot of people talk shit and spread rumors and stuff, some of which were true, but i just learned to ignore it and by senior year i was successfully faded out into the background.
Do you ever avoid mirrors because you were disgusted with your image?
mmmhm. usually at night.
Has anyone close to you died recently?
uh, my brother. it’s been a few months though. 5 months to be exact.
Do you ever feel left out or get ditched by friends?
yes, mostly because a lot of the people i call “friends” aren’t actually friends at all.
How many good friends do you have?
3
How many enemies do you have?
a lot. literally all of white conservative america is my enemy. not even kidding, so many people probs want me dead.
Are you single?
i am, and i will be for a while. just figuring shit out.
Do you want to find love?
yes, eventually. somewhere down the line.
Are your parents divorced, or are there any odd family arrangements?
my parents aren’t divorced but there’s a lot of tension between them, like they sleep in separate rooms and such. the odd family arrangements would just be the incest. (@ my sister and her husband who is also our first cousin)
Are you labeled in a specific clique?
uh, not really. see above discussion about “phases”
Pain & Suffering
Is there a loaded gun in your house? Do you have access to it?
not anymore. we used to have safe full of rifles and pistols and shit but my mom got rid of them all after my brother died.
Have you ever inflicted pain on yourself? How?
uh, yeah. cutting and starving. beyond that, intentionally getting myself emotionally hurt.
How many personal ways of dying have you ever thought about?
a lot, probably.
Do you ever feel angry enough to kill somebody?
yes. before anyone gets weird about this, it’s being addressed with my doc and with my therapist.
Do you ever feel guilty about miniscule things you’ve commited?
it takes a lot to make me feel guilty, so not really. i feel guilty but only about big things i’ve done to actually hurt people.
Do you cut?
i’ve been clean for about 2.5 years now.
Do you ever really intend to end your life?
i have in the past.
Do you dream at night? If so, what about?
yeah, usually about stuff that makes no sense.
Do you ever starve yourself?
not anymore.
Are you bipolar?
nope
Do you like gore?
oh fuck no, i faint REALLY easily. can’t even handle bruising lately.
Are your actions usually misconstrued by others?
depends on the situation.
Do you write poetry? Are you any good?
i don’t.
Do you draw morbid things quickly?
nope. i don’t draw anything quickly lol.
What are you afraid of most?
drowning, losing people i care about.
Do you feel hopeless (about anything)?
pretty much yeah.
Is your life repetitive?
not really. it’s actually pretty eventful.
Do people around you irritate you?
yes!
Have you ever cried in public for no reason at all?
oh literally always
Do you take any medications? What?
yeah, i take an antidepressant, an antipsychotic, something for my weight, stuff for vitamin D and iron and B12.
Why do you wake up in the morning?
because my cats are hungry.
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i’m not dumb enough to give that out online.
2: Age
18
3: 3 Fears
losing people i love, water, medical stuff
4: 3 things I love
the smell of a new book, LGBT+ and POC representation, songs that make me feel alive.
5: 4 turns on
hair, 5 o’clock shadows, polos, puffy lips that look red and swollen from making out
6: 4 turns off
feet, hardcore stuff, porn with awful plots surrounding it, feet
7: My best friend
charlie 👌
8: Sexual orientation
ha, good question. i’m somewhat pan.
9: My best first date
hmm.. that’s a tough one. i’ll come back to this.
10: How tall am I
short af.
11: What do I miss
the way things were.
12: What time was I born
sometime around 8 am.
13: Favourite color
don’t have one
14: Do I have a crush
maybe?
15: Favourite quote
“to the world, you may be but one person. but to one person, you may be the world.” -unknown, i found it written on a coaster at a halloween party a few years ago.
16: Favourite place
disney! (specifically epcot)
17: Favourite food
a hearty pasta dish.
18: Do I use sarcasm
no, not at all!
19: What am I listening to right now
my mom’s TV
20: First thing I notice in new person
the way they look.
21: Shoe size
7.5
22: Eye color
brownish
23: Hair color
very deep brown
24: Favourite style of clothing
pajamas :P
25: Ever done a prank call?
many times!
27: Meaning behind my URL
N/A
28: Favourite movie
Se7en or Shawshank!
29: Favourite song
Open Arms- Journey
30: Favourite band
alright if you don’t know this one by now, i’m sad
31: How I feel right now
like i have to pee but i’m lazy
32: Someone I love
my grandma
33: My current relationship status
single and not ready to mingle
34: My relationship with my parents
on rocky ground
35: Favourite holiday
halloween!
36: Tattoos and piercing i have
right ear, no tats yet
37: Tattoos and piercing i want
i could go on about this for days.
38: The reason I joined Tumblr
for the NSFW stuff but that’s off the table now so 🤷♂️
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?
not at all
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?
always!
41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?
i have not, because she is my little cousin and that’s gross
42: When did I last hold hands?
2 years, i think that holding hands is a huge trust thing for me so it doesn’t happen often
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?
uh 5 minutes
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?
no lol
45: Where am I right now?
in my bed, in my room, in my house
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?
uh probably whoever i’m out partying with lol
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?
reasonable, because i get headaches
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?
yeah.
49: Am I excited for anything?
yes, for this semester to be over!
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?
not really, no. nowadays i don’t tell everything to anyone.
51: How often do I wear a fake smile?
not often, i tend to show what i feel.
52: When was the last time I hugged someone?
an hour ago.
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?
i don’t even remember who the last person i kissed was.
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?
according to my grandparents i shouldn’t trust anyone that’s white, and most of my friends are white, so.. i guess? 😂
55: What is something I disliked about today?
i disliked the fact that my cats made a mess and i had to sweep it up.
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
hmm, that’s a tough one too. probably Neal Schon.
57: What do I think about most?
NSFW
58: What’s my strangest talent?
my pinky can bend really weird
59: Do I have any strange phobias?
not really? nothing out of the ordinary.
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
behind
61: What was the last lie I told?
“i love you too”
62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
video chats!
63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
no ghosts, yes aliens
64: Do I believe in magic?
i believe in everyday magic. a baby laughing for the first time, the overwhelming happiness you get out of nowhere, etc.
65: Do I believe in luck?
oh yes
66: What’s the weather like right now?
50’s and a little windy.
67: What was the last book I’ve read?
i think it was the past and other things that should stay buried
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?
ew no
69: Do I have any nicknames?
yes! jay, jayse, jayjay, bun
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?
probably the time i stabbed myself accidentally at school and passed out from the blood.
71: Do I spend money or save it?
spend.
72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?
i cannot
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?
a gel pen
74: Favourite animal?
kitty
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?
cleaning out a drawer probably
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?
i don’t believe in Satan
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?
I’m a believer, smash mouth
78: How can you win my heart?
lasagna, learning my culture, roses
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?
i would want the deathly hallows symbol on it
80: What is my favorite word?
serendipity
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr
i don’t use tumblr anymore
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?
“stop abusing animals”
83: Do I have any relatives in jail?
not currently
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?
telekinesis!
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?
“what’s your biggest secret?”
86: What is my current desktop picture?
hogwarts landscape
87: Had sex?
yeah
88: Bought condoms?
actually, no
89: Gotten pregnant?
lol no
90: Failed a class?
nope i usually drop before failing lol
91: Kissed a boy?
yes
92: Kissed a girl?
yes
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?
yes
94: Had job?
yes
95: Left the house without my wallet?
literally every day
96: Bullied someone on the internet?
tbh, probably yes
97: Had sex in public?
no
98: Played on a sports team?
yes
99: Smoked weed?
yes
100: Did drugs?
yes
101: Smoked cigarettes?
yes
102: Drank alcohol?
yes
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?
no
104: Been overweight?
yes, currently
105: Been underweight?
yes
106: Been to a wedding?
too many to count
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
yes
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?
yes
109: Been outside my home country?
yes
110: Gotten my heart broken?
yes
111: Been to a professional sports game?
yes
112: Broken a bone?
yes
113: Cut myself?
yes
114: Been to prom?
nope
115: Been in airplane?
yes
116: Fly by helicopter?
no
117: What concerts have I been to?
the fray, james blunt, ed sheeran, a bunch of local artists
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
yes
119: Learned another language?
yes
120: Wore make up?
yes
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?
yes
122: Had oral sex?
yes
123: Dyed my hair?
yes
124: Voted in a presidential election?
not yet!
125: Rode in an ambulance?
yes
126: Had a surgery?
yes
127: Met someone famous?
yes, a few
128: Stalked someone on a social network?
yes lol
129: Peed outside?
not that i can recall
130: Been fishing?
nope
131: Helped with charity?
yes
132: Been rejected by a crush?
not to my memory
133: Broken a mirror?
not yet
134: What do I want for birthday?
hmmm. gift cards.
135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?
2, Mickey and Jude. ( hey [insert kids name] )(it was a joke lmao)
136: Was I named after anyone?
i was not
137: Do I like my handwriting?
i do!
138: What was my favourite toy as a child?
my stuffed cat and my 96 crayola pack of crayons
139: Favourite Tv Show?
Lost
140: Where do I want to live when older?
in a big city with a lake house up north
141: Play any musical instrument?
kind of
142: One of my scars, how did I get it?
burned it on a popcorn machine
143: Favourite pizza toping?
extra sauce on top of the cheese
144: Am I afraid of the dark?
sometimes
145: Am I afraid of heights?
nope
146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?
yes
147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
literally always
148: What I’m really bad at
uhhh everything.
149: What my greatest achievments are
mmmm i saved a life once
150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me
probably my mom telling me she hates me
151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery
invest to double it, then help others in need
152: What do I like about myself
my versatility
153: My closest Tumblr friend
don’t use it no more
154: Something I fantasise about
NSFW
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it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried (other topics)Will Grayson, Will Grayson (other topics)
Bridge of Clay (other topics)
The Art of Being Normal (other topics)
Clockwork Princess (other topics)
More...
Authors mentioned in this topic
E.B. White (other topics)Sidney Sheldon (other topics)
Jane Austen (other topics)
