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General Chatting > For those who date or are married interracially: Is it easy to talk to your partner/spouse about race?

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message 1: by Davina (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments A difference in race is clearly what brings interracial couples together, but can it also tear them apart?

My husband and I often disagree on issues of race. Last night we had words about the incident that took place between the Havard professor and the cop, as well as President Obama's comments in response to the dispute. I won't get into detail about what we disagreed on except to say we disagreed. Quite adamantly.

It got me to thinking about how interracial couples handle racial issues. Do you feel comfortable discussing racial matters with your partner or spouse? Do you tend to agree or disagree? What if you tend to disagree on a fundamental level, how does it affect your relationship (or perhaps the question I should be asking is how do you NOT let it affect your relationship?).

As I've mentioned previously, both the husband and I are white, but we don't normally agree on many issues dealing with race. As a result race is not a topic we usually choose to discuss together -- unless someone else brings it up and we're required to respond out of politesse or the topic just sort of sneaks up on us as it did last night.

I'm just curious about how interracial couples navigate this hurdle -- if it is indeed one -- in their relationships because if it is such a hot button issue in my relationship, surely it can't be much easier for those involved interracially? Or is it?

message 2: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7304 comments Mod
Good question, Davina.

message 3: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6523 comments Mod
Yes, a very good question.

message 4: by Justine (last edited Aug 27, 2009 08:13PM) (new)

Justine | 1130 comments We do, when I feel bitchy! On those times I'm just purposely disagreeable I don't think it should tear anyone apart though. You have to bear in mind that some white people are just oblivious to things black people experience. If you point them out to your partner it will open his eyes up to the fact that they do occur.

message 5: by Tina (new)

Tina | 1310 comments My husband and I do discuss race but we discuss it almost academically. No surprise there really as we work in academia and my husband is a prof who teaches a course in African-American History. We are remarkably matter of fact about race in our household.

But I do have to say, the one thing my husband and i had a less that scholarly discussion was about my hair. I remember we were trying to plan a trip and I was adamant about not missing my hair appointment. And my husband was "why don't you just let it go natural." So we go into a really heated debate about black women and their hair issues. He of course relies on theory and brings up the opinions of scholarly black thinkers (all black men), I just point out that they aren't women are they? So how what the hell do they know about my hair? He needs to watch Oprah! (he shudders).

My husband truly had no clue about the hair thing. He is so canny about every other racial nuance, the hair thing completely eluded him.

Of course, years later i did go natural and he never stopped pointing out smugly that my capitulation was a testament to his theories.

I just tell him that all the money I am saving from the hair dresser goes into buying my Kindle, my Iphone and more books!

message 6: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7304 comments Mod
I always wondered how the White husband/boyfriend/SO relates to the whole hair issue when married/dating a Black woman. My hair is natural but I think we put more products in our hair than White women. I wonder if that is an issue for White men.

message 7: by new_user (new)

new_user My brother informs me that he thinks natural hair is attractive on black women. Personally, I agree with him, but I'm not a dude so that might not count for much, LOL.

message 8: by Nikki (new)

Nikki (nikkiyy) | 14 comments My husband is white and we discuss race on a fairly regular basis. It is just a fact of our life. As for the "hair thing" I have locs and my husband loves them but I have also dated other white guys who prefered straighted hair.

message 9: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7304 comments Mod
I love wearing my hair natural. The only time it gives me trouble is when I fail to moisturize it sufficiently. It's much healthier and I like the curls and waves. Plus I hate going to the beauty shop. I like the no fuss, low maintenance hair.

message 10: by Chaeya (new)

Chaeya | 454 comments My husband is Puerto Rican, but he spent most of his time around Black people so him and I can be very open about race. He's from Brooklyn so he is very understanding of many things that go on. My ex-husband was Australian, but he was very open to listening to the things I spoke about. He was an artist and an ex-hippy so he and I could relate quite well.

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