4. Hidden Rules

[Carol]

By the time she graduates from high school, Glennon has come to see that there are hidden rules about how to matter as a girl (pages 30 and 187). Glennon later understands how she's been hurt by the messages our culture sends about what success should look and feel like for a woman. What are those messages? Where do they come from? What "hidden rules" did you follow, or feel pressured to follow, as a child or a teenager? How about now? How has following those rules affected your life?

[Chelsea]

Well there are "rules" like only wear white shoes from Memorial Day to Labor Day, which I don't follow. I have no idea who made up that rule, but if I think a rule is dumb, I don't follow it. I broke a lot of "wedding rules and traditions." But I do follow rules like don't burp in public. So if it is about manners, I follow them (mostly). :) Other fashion rules I don't care about.

[Pam]

I'm a rule follower and find that, unless absurd, I'm not inclined to question rules. I have a daughter tho that, while a good girl, tends to not follow blindly. She has really opened my eyes to some things I would do without questioning. Can't think of an example right now, but I'll try to add one later.

[Carol]

Pammie, I guess I too am a rule follower. Seems it was easier to do what was expected than make my own way against other people's expectations.

[Carol]

Same answer as other about rule following.

[Cindy]

I think she's mostly talking about food rules here, since she had such severe food issues. I remember when I was in college we'd occasionally have a group of boys over for Sunday dinner. We'd eat tiny portions - then as soon as they left we'd all get another plateful and eat again. Ridiculous! And if you're thin and ok with food you probably outgrew that. But you better believe if you're overweight you eat in public very conscious of the "rules." I think she also said the rule was that women were to be "small." Meaning thin, but also unobtrusive and unopinionated. I think I have outgrown this one pretty well.

[Chelsea]

Good point about the food rules Cindy! I read a book about a morbidly obese girl, and she never ate in public because of how she was "looked at."

[Carol]

Food eating is probably a rub of mine in some form. I don't enjoy it as much as I used to since I have my implants and dentures put in. Just isn't as fun. But to sit by folks or see them walk by with mounds of food on their plates and they go back to 2 or 3 more platefuls. I think I'm the slowest eater around. Just frustrating sometimes. Didn't someone mention glutony? Self mastery is a way to consider this. And I'm not pointing any fingers, no present are noted. My own phobia.