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I Grew Up in the Rain, and it's Followed Me to Where I Am Now ~ The Journal of a Ta'Veren ~ Rated R
message 1:
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Sirius (Malakalato) Belacqua
(new)
May 02, 2017 05:57PM
You think you're so fucking funny, world...
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Ah, it feels so good to be able to cuss again.
God Damn it. Just looking at Em depresses me, and JoDee pisses me off.
Blech. I guess ignorance really is bliss.....
Mmmh. I'm taking a hiatus.
Until I ask Emily out.
Starting tomorrow.
I'll be on today and tomorrow, but that's it.
Or not. I changed my mind. I just don't get on my journal very often.
I've run out of things to say.
I guess tomorrow's the day.
This suspense/nervousness/terror/fun/mystery ends one way or another tomorrow.
I can't believe I didn't letter.
That's the STUPIDEST thing....
Well. Betrayed again. Not the first time, won't be the last.
I'm done with that group.
And I'm still in the right.
If you can't be mature, respectful, and peaceful, you
will not
be part of that group.
Petty. And immature. I expected more.
Joseph wrote: "If you can't be mature, respectful, and peaceful, you will not
be part of that group."
Me be mature? Just screw off. Get off my journal.
ME BE RESPECTFUL? What about all the people who were being rude to me? AGAIN! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmhhhhhh.............
I'll get my revenge. I promise.
And there was no warning.
Sirius (Malakalato) Kaldwin wrote: "Petty. And immature. I expected more."That was not pettiness, nor was it immature. Your obsession with winning every argument and refusal to stop, along with your extreme pompousness was the only pettiness on that group. I was trying to keep the peace, but guess what, you decided to egg me on and keep arguing, so you have been removed from the group.
You didn't say a thing. Maybe if you had been able to get over your petty self, you could've avoided this and talked to me about it. But no. Nobody can just tell me when they don't like something I'm doing. They have to jump straight to punishment.
Joseph wrote: "Sirius (Malakalato) Kaldwin wrote: "Petty. And immature. I expected more."That was not pettiness, nor was it immature. Your obsession with winning every argument and refusal to stop, along with y..."
Off. My journal.
And I'm sorry for teasing my friends.
Oh, and again, NO WARNING. He could've just told me at any time that he didn't like how I was behaving. What, am I supposed to read his mind?
Sirius (Malakalato) Kaldwin wrote: "Oh, and again, NO WARNING. He could've just told me at any time that he didn't like how I was behaving. What, am I supposed to read his mind?"I thought that you were "Sherlock-esque," Sirius. You should be able to notice all of those small details. This is my last comment on your journal. Goodbye.
I'm sick of people. I'm sick of having friends I can't trust. And that's it. I'm done. I officially hate you all. Go burn in hell.
Joseph wrote: "Sirius (Malakalato) Kaldwin wrote: "Oh, and again, NO WARNING. He could've just told me at any time that he didn't like how I was behaving. What, am I supposed to read his mind?"I thought that yo..."
OFF!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus Christ....
I thought we were friends....
But I guess I can't pick people for the life of me. Betrayed by one I thought was one of my best, again.
Well, my walls have been resurrected.
And if you're so fucking smart and better than me, tell me this-- 'cause I know the answer. You're just too judgmental to think beyond the box.
Why am I this way?
Why am I so pompous?
I'll tell you why, you asshole.
It's because I don't think this highly of myself. I just don't want people to see how awful of a person I really am. So I hide behind a pretend confidence so no one questions me. I don't talk about my past or my family life at home because it's so fucking shitty. I've been emotionally abused my whole fucking life and I have to cling to the fact that I can rely on myself. If I can't trust myself, I can't trust anyone. And it's shit like this that makes me want to fucking kill somebody. I don't stand for disrespect because I know what it feels like to have no self image. So maybe next time you're gonna be a dick, you shoud think it through first.
Mmmmh... My angry playlist is back.
I didn't say "I will kill somebody," I just said I want to. I have more self control than that.
Random awesome song of the day:"Shreds" by Grieves
For: Joseph. My worst enemy
[Verse 1:]I don't believe in cuttin' corners
Own it like a scar on the face
Stand tall whether taking the gold or in last place
Not really the one to give God praise
But if you've got the gospel, then tell me how it tastes, halleluiah
Bitin' on the bullet for strength
I'm a long distance runner sucker, I'm in it for length
It's not a matter of whether or not you can play
But a scale of if you give a fuck enough to make a statement
Lay it down, separate the men from the mice
Another body under halogen lights missing it's life portrait
What the hell would make you think that you could judge another person
For loving something so much it hurts their stomach, huh?
Living by the blood in my neck
With a bulls-eye tatted on the back of my head
I never spoke it how they want it to be said
So they left me for the winter and the wolves
[Chorus:]
Tear me into shreds, rip me into bits
Tear another page out, punch me in the ribs
I can smell the poison on your lips
Whatever it is, I be willin' to bet
They wanna get inside my head, tell me how it is
Sittin' in a tower with a rifle and a list
I can see the razor on your lips
Whatever it is, I be willing to bet
You shoulda held your breath
[Verse 2:]
I don't believe in sitting down
Take it like a knife in the back
You burnt out into nothing after striking a match
I never been the type to follow the pack
So if it's true, you got the answers, then why the hell you so mad then?
Another Holy Ghost-laid script
Clipped the wings off of my words and buried the shiv
They wanna pick apart the passion in my ribs, I invite them
Cause I don't run away from shit, lay it out
Separate the guns and the flowers
The minutes that go into all these hours
And I bet if you were given a smidgen of just the tip of the iceberg I've had to struggle with
You wouldn't act so sour, but maybe not
Livin' off the fruit of my stress
With a size 12 boot heel steppin' on my chest
Didn't do it how they wanted it to end
So they threw me to the winter and the wolves
[Chorus x2]
Random awesome song of the day:"House of Wolves" by My Chemical Romance
For: My "friends." I will have my revenge.
Well, I know a thing about contrition,Because I got enough to spare.
And I'll be granting your permission,
'Cause you haven't got a prayer.
Well I said hey, hey hallelujah,
I'm gonna come on sing the praise.
And let the spirit come on through ya,
We got innocence for days!
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And say, ha
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
(S-I-N, I S-I-N
S-I-N, I S-I-N
S-I-N, I S-I-N
S-I-N, I S-I-N)
You play ring around the ambulance,
Well like you never gave a care.
So get the choir boys around you,
It's a compliment, I swear.
And I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,
I wanna hear you sing the praise,
I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down,
We got innocence for days!
Well, I think I'm gonna burn in hell,
Everybody burn the house right down.
And say, ha
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
You better run like the devil,
'Cause they're never gonna leave you alone!
You better hide up in the alley,
'Cause they're never gonna find you a home!
And as the blood runs down the walls,
You see me creepin' up these halls.
I've been a bad motherfucker
Tell your sister I'm another
Go! Go! Go!
And I said, say,
What I wanna say
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad man,
Kick me like a stray.
Tell me I'm an angel,
Take this to my grave.
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
Tell me I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad man.
So get up!
So get out!
S-I-N, I S-I-N!
Hi, Nerdy! It's great to see you again! How've you been?
Kinda on and off. Doc says theres a dip mental health wise, but Im trying to feel a little happier
