Struggling with my book description

[Sarim]

Hello Everyone,

My name is Sarim, I am new to book reads. I am working on my first novel which I plan to make into a trilogy.
The writing process is going good so far, however, I'm having difficulty on my book description. I can't seem to sum it up very well.

For this post I just want to get some feedback from the readers, please be as critical as possible!!

Here is what I have completed thus far:

"The schisms of the first Crusade plunged a once united world into chaos. Once foes, were now brothers, and the old bonds of Muslim brotherhood under God have now been severed and the fight for the soul of Jerusalem cascade into the inevitable friction between the East and the West. Two orphan siblings, Theodora and Yarankash, embark on a journey to the Holy Land, spending all that was left behind from their now deceased parents…not aware of the trials and tribulations to come.

With the Muslim Turkish governor Zengi, rising to the East and King Fulk of Jerusalem defending the Crusader states to the West, the tides of war sweep them into a world of deceit, bloodshed, and fear. The core of their faith is brought to the edge of the light and the purity of their intentions become clouded by the whispers of the soul."


To me it seems sort of long, and I know I still need a final sentence to really sum up the main point my book is addressing which is:
Reconciling suffering and hardships even though one is genuinely trying to follow the path to God, and how many people lose their faith because they question the events in their life although they were strongly devoted.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Sarim wrote: "The writing process is going good so far, however, I'm having difficulty on my book description. I can't seem to sum it up very well. "

Question: How far along are you in the writing process? I find blurbs are easier when I get closer to the end of the process. Early on, I don't always have a clear idea what a book or story is really about.

[Sarim]

Dwayne wrote: "Sarim wrote: "The writing process is going good so far, however, I'm having difficulty on my book description. I can't seem to sum it up very well. "

Question: How far along are you in the writing..."

Hello Dwayne, thanks for posting on this thread.

Currently, I have completed, what I call a "character map" basically listing out all the events that take place with each character and how different events link with other events.

What I have left is to put together the sequence for all the chapters (The novel has 5 different perspectives that are happening in chronological order).

I also just started working on the first chapter. So its pretty early on in the process.

[Justin]

I've actually been fixing up my book descriptions on Amazon. I've learned a few things about simplifying them as well as the blurb section. If your book takes place during a certain time period or era which I it looks like yours does I'd suggest leading off with that. People need to know when the book takes place so they can immediately decide if its for them. it's also good to mention two characters by their name as well as their occupation and what type of character they are.

Your description isn't too long I think it's a decent size. I think it sounds a little bland and lacks action and it's hard to understand what the book is about aside from being the Crusade. Maybe you could tone it down and try to make it easier to grasp and connect with a reader. Just a suggestion.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

I agree with Justin. The size is fine, and the blurb is okay, but there's no real spark to it. That's why I wondered if you had, yet, discovered what your book is about.

I would suggest keeping this blurb on hand for a while. Wait until at least your third or fourth draft to rework it. By then, your book will be more alive to you than just a plan and a dent in the first chapter.

[M.L.]

If it's about a test of faith, you could start with their beliefs:

"God is merciful." Theodora and her brother believe this. Even when swept up in the Crusades for the Holy Land, they believe it. Until they witness the carnage of Jerusalem and hear the cry "death to the infidels." Will they survive a search for the truth--or even recognize truth when it's found.

(PS, question mark left off intentionally :)

[C.B.]

Oh, just grab M.L.'s blurb and run with it, Sarim. I wanna read that book already!!

Truth is, I want to read the book as described in your own blurb as well. Love the topic and the potential conflict.

Drop the sentence beginning with "Two orphans...", and take out the other names (Governor Whatnot and so forth); we'll care about those when we get into your story. Add a "hook" about your protagonists at the end.

I think that writing your blurb in the beginning is brilliant. It keeps you on point and reminds you of why you wanted to tell this story in the first place. Bonus: You aren't limited to just one blurb - yeah, write several and use them in different venues.

Good luck and let us know when you you've hit "Send."

[Amie]

Did someone say..."Turkish"?

Oh yeah... <3

:)