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Wanting To Make My Blurb Better
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Hiya, Miss Carrie!This ain't my genre at all but I'll give it a crack. Hmm. Personally, I'd chop it way down to only the most important points. I'm a huge fan of suuuper short blurbs, though, so keep that in mind ^_~ Anyhoo, here's what I'd kinda sorta do:
After thirteen lives, Aven Dovenelle is finally content. Despite her [different word for cursed] existence, she's settled into witchcraft-friendly Salem and made great friends—there's even a possibility of love...
But when a malevolent force from Aven’s past returns, the young(?) witch will be brought to her knees.
Will uncovering the truth about her curse cost Aven her happiness and freedom? Or does the mysterious white raven who's followed her for a thousand years hold the secret to her salvation?
Ehhh, the transition between the 1st and 2nd paragraphs is a bit clunky but my brain's not working atm haha! Bestest of luck, ma'am!!
Hugs,
Ann
P.S. Some of us quite enjoy the pain of the blurb LOL
EDIT: Ugh. Misspelled Dovenelle. So sorry!!
For me the only paragraph that needs work is your second. I agree in short and powerful blurbs. You have a couple sentences in paragraph two that seem a little repetitive. I like your opening and ending, it is just the interior that needs to be short, sweet, and to the point. Hope this helps!
Annie wrote: "Some of us quite enjoy the pain..."Just 'cause your a glutton for punishment Mistress Ann! LOL
After reading your original, I agree: shorten it down. You don't need to tell too much of the story right away. I especially like the rework Ann did of your first lines / paragraph. I. Got nothin else to add. Sorry. But the tale sounds intriguing! Dig it!
Carrie, please remove the link from your post or it will have to be deleted.Thanks
G.G. wrote: "Carrie, please remove the link from your post or it will have to be deleted.Thanks"
So sorry! Done :-)
How about shortening it like this:"Finally, after nearly a thousand years, Aven Dovenelle is truly happy. But a malevolent force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her...."
Carrie wrote: "G.G. wrote: "Carrie, please remove the link from your post or it will have to be deleted.Thanks"
So sorry! Done :-)"
Thank you!
Thanks, everyone, for your feedback! I do forget sometimes about the short attention span of folks these days. I shouldn't though, because I'm one of them!
OMG, cutting it is so painful. LOLWhat are your thoughts on this? It's a svelte 131 words.
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In her thirteenth life, Aven Dovenelle is truly happy. She's settled into the now witchcraft-friendly Salem where she has opened her own shop and made great friends—there's even a possibility of love.
Despite her contentment, the truth of Aven’s existence haunts her. She is cursed to live life after life, with all the memories of her horrific past. Hope may come in the form of a mysterious white raven, who has shadowed Aven through each of her lives.
But a malevolent force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her. Driven by his hatred of the witch, his attack will bring Aven to her knees.
The cost of her happiness and freedom could prove too high as Aven discovers the shocking truth about her curse and that dark magick lingers.
Sounds great. Each sentence contains important information.
Sam (Rescue Dog Mom & Writer) wrote: "Sounds great. Each sentence contains important information."Thanks! :-)
Much better. I do have a few tweaks to suggest. Easily ignored. 😜Para 2, possibly remove the comma after life. Ditto raven
Para 3, something instead of the second Aven - her maybe
Para 4, The cost of happiness and freedom could prove too high when Aven discovers what lies behind her curse and finds out that dark magick lingers
Thanks, Jane!I've been working on an even shorter version, 106 words.
---
Despite being content in her thirteenth life, the truth of Aven’s existence haunts her. She is cursed to live life after life, with all the memories of her horrific past. When the elusive white raven who has shadowed Aven through each of her lives finally reveals itself, it may hold the secret to her salvation.
But a malevolent force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her. Driven by his hatred of the witch, his attack will bring Aven to her knees.
The cost of her happiness and freedom could prove too high as Aven discovers the shocking truth about her curse and that dark magick lingers.
The re-write sounds good. One thought is to approach it in the reverse:One thousand years, twelve deaths. This is Aven's thirteenth life. It holds the promise of happiness and freedom, but the past will not stay buried.
Amazon has the 'read more' and 'read less', and if the readers want more, they can keep right on reading! I do. :) It's good to have the more/less option.
I would read this in a heartbeat. :) So, good job!
Erin wrote: "I would read this in a heartbeat. :) So, good job!"Sweeeet!! Thanks for the boost of confidence :-D
Carrie wrote: "Thanks, Jane!I've been working on an even shorter version, 106 words.
---
Despite being content in her thirteenth life, the truth of Aven’s existence haunts her. She is cursed to live life aft..."
I like this one a lot! It's quick, smooth, and enticing! :)
I think we all can agree that writing the book's description is harder than writing the actual book!
I want to increase the drama and appeal of my book, so I've tweaked and reworded the blurb. What do you think? Does it make you want to read it? (Genre: Contemporary Fantasy, Magical Realism)
---
Finally, after nearly a thousand years, Aven Dovenelle is truly happy. In her thirteenth life, she's settled into the now witchcraft-friendly Salem, Massachusetts, where she has opened her own shop and made great friends—there's even a possibility of love.
Despite her contentment in this new life, the truth of Aven’s existence haunts her. She is cursed to live life after life, with all the memories of her horrific past. For all her powers, she’s never discovered why she was cursed nor how to break it. Hope may come in the form of a mysterious white raven, who has followed Aven through each of her lives but always kept its distance. Although they have a deep connection that neither understands, the white raven could hold the secret to her salvation.
But a malevolent force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her. His hatred of the witch and his lust for revenge transcends the physical world. When he emerges from the Veil, he threatens to shatter the harmony of her new life. His attack will bring Aven to her knees.
The cost of her happiness and freedom could prove too high as Aven uncovers the truth about her curse and that dark magick lingers.
----
The 3rd paragraph is completely different. It currently reads: "But an evil force from Aven’s past isn’t finished with her. Driven by vengeance and hate, he emerges to torment her anew and threatens all she’s built. He strikes without warning—her loved ones are caught in the wake of his attack and may not survive the encounter."
Thanks!