Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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YA dystopian Query (revised)
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I am not an agent or editor, nor do I have experience knowing what a successful query looks like, but I want to read your book!
JaDean wrote: "I am not an agent or editor, nor do I have experience knowing what a successful query looks like, but I want to read your book!"JaDean, thank you so much thats nice to hear :)
I don't read a lot of YA, but this sounds very interesting. It has a sort of Equilibrium vibe to it.
It sounds really interesting. I'm no query expert, but from what I understand, you should perhaps give more information on the genre? YA Science Fiction? Also, I think you can ditch the last sentence "Upon request..." they know they can request if they want. Maybe a note about why you chose to query them, and a note about yourself.A few other notes:
Vaccinated for empathy... I only realised later it was against empathy, that they don't want the society to be empathetic.
Also... does she want to join the army? Why...? Perhaps that's a chance to go deeper in to her character in a world where character and feelings aren't permitted?
Sounds good and I wish you the best of luck! Remember, test the waters with a few agents first - particularly those who respond quickly (look on querytracker).
I think most of it works. But I think comparing yourself to Divergent will only be a hinderance to you since it's so popular. Also, YA is your audience and not a genre. This would fit with science fiction. And it's quite difficult to sell a series so I would sell this book first so I would just say standalone with series potential. You seem to cover all of these well enough: hook, who is the mc, what do they want, what stands in their way, and what happens when they fail.
Anne wrote: "It sounds really interesting. I'm no query expert, but from what I understand, you should perhaps give more information on the genre? YA Science Fiction? Also, I think you can ditch the last senten..."Awesome tips, Anne! Thank you for your help.
I think I'll try "When Iris Whitham was vaccinated to cure her of empathy..." instead.
I'm also going to take another shot at the second paragraph and see if I can answer your questions effectively.
Leland wrote: "I think most of it works. But I think comparing yourself to Divergent will only be a hinderance to you since it's so popular. Also, YA is your audience and not a genre. This would fit with science ..."Leland, I'm glad you mentioned that Divergent comparison because I was unsure about it. Also, thank you for clarifying my genre. I get a little mixed up trying to state which one it fits into.
Great feedback, I really appreciate it!
Dear [AGENT],
When Iris Whitham was vaccinated for empathy, the doctors also suppressed an evolved strain of her genetic code.
Iris’s father gives her an antidote, allowing her evolved capabilities to manifest, but she struggles to keep the information to herself. By government mandate, every resident in her camp must be vaccinated if they want to join the army.
If she is caught circumventing the vaccine she will pay with her life, but when she is surrounded by danger on the battlefield her secret gets harder to keep.
As Iris investigates the government’s real motives behind the vaccine, she discovers that her people aren’t just being sent to the army: they’re being exterminated. The government is secretly massacring them in an effort to eradicate their genetic mutation. Suddenly, Iris has a choice to make: run away and save her own life, or rebel and try to save thousands.
The Resistance, complete at 70,000 words, is for a Young Adult audience, and is intended to be the first book in a series. With its authentic voice and page-turning drama, fans of Divergent and The Fifth Wave will find themselves drawn to this compelling story. Upon request I would be glad to forward the manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
[Me]
[Contact Info]