Thoughts by Alex

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Thanks! :)

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

You said

And you said that a bird in the hand is always better
(As in, you are the only guy I could get so why bother)
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
(You said walking out the door to her car)
You said that all good things must come to an end
(Though I’m not sure who though this was a good thing)
Easy come, easy go, you reminded
(I didn’t have the right to be upset)
Better late than never, you told me, coming back
(Three months later)
A picture is worth a thousand words, my dear
(And you painted blood all over my walls)
When I tried to ask you told me about the watched pot
(Which can’t do good things unless it’s left alone)
And the pot that called the kettle black came up
(When I saw the drugs and tried to throw you out)
You called me a beggar, beggars can’t be choosers you said
(You meant: I can do whatever I want shut up)
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder you reminded me
(When I complained about the black eye, slowly turning green)
And birds of a feather flock together
(So it must be at least half my fault)
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you and something about a horse’s mouth
(Was supposed to tell me to stay out of your business)
Cleanliness is next to godliness, you said
(Which meant doing lines was ok with god as long as I cleaned up after you)
You made sure I didn’t count my chickens before they hatched
(Or my friends before they’d proven themselves)
I learned not to judge a book by its cover, either
(They may seem nice but were probably snakes inside)
Honesty is the best policy, you taught
(Even when it seemed like being honest got me hit)
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
(Your drunken ways were not a sign of brokenness)
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, you said in case the cops should ask
(It wasn’t your fault you started selling drugs)
You knew to keep your friends close and enemies closer
(I always wondered which bracket contained me)
Play with fire and you’ll get burned, you explained carefully
(It was of course my fault, I was the one who had chosen you)

I have learned new ways since leaving you.
I have learned that knowledge is power, and no man is an island.
My support group teaches me these things,
that it wasn’t okay for you to do the things you did because
actions speak louder than words.
Laughter is the best medicine, I’m told now.
Practice makes perfect, and maybe someday I’ll learn
to live without your shadow on my shoulders.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

and if I could I would trust you and lean on you with the weight of all my sins
and if I could I would make you forget me for I see in your eyes every time I make you bleed
and if I could I would hold your hand satisfy the desires of my churning heart and let our souls be one
and if I could I would build a wall of ice between us even you could not sculpt to beauty
and if I could I would touch your face and see the truth of the universe reflected in your love
and if I could I would pretend I never ache for your hold in the depths of the haunting night
and if I could I would love you back and throw myself off the cliff for you and believe you could catch me anyway
and if I could I would run the other way with my cloak swirling in the wind behind me
and if I could I would take you on my journeys fraught with heat and pain and hide behind your arms
and if I could I would throw you someone else glittering with the light I will never have and hope you turn your eyes
and if I could I would take your side and love the way you love with nothing held back but the darkness
and if I could I would never let you see my tears again
and if I could I would promise you the moon and a million other things I could never give just to keep you here
and if I could I would lie right out of my mouth and keep pouring until you hated me and ran in fear of my storm
and if I could I would keep you close these arms that push you away unrelenting are not my own
and if I could I would let you believe everything will be okay
and if I could I would satisfy every desire of your heart
and if I could I would keep you here to hold me against the coming of the night
and if I could I would hear your pleas and save myself over everything
and if I could I would concede your point and let you die for me instead
and if I could I would throw away the world like a hat tossed to the ground
and if I could I would run with you to the horizon no matter how long it takes
and if I could I would choose my path
and if I could I would walk some way
and if I could I would change my mind
and if I could I would
I’m sorry

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Where have you been?
For it is very dark and the night is long without you;
For the road is long, and longer still, it seems,
Is my woe when we are far gone, as this world
Has forced upon us.
Where have you been?
For when you leave my heart rends in two,
And I have long since lacked supply of pieces
With which to fashion it back together.
Where have you been?
For a war is coming, and though I have always
Fought well alone, my knife flies more true
With you at my side.
Where have you been?
For I know you would never willingly leave,
And I fear that if you have
My life is but one wave of confusion
Without purpose, fluid as the tides.
Where have you been?
For this world is too hard to bear alone,
For together we could knock the doors
Which try to pin us in,
But alone I find I am much too small.
Where have you been?
For the window grows old from my staring,
And the paths I have so often walked with you
Become disused for my lack of caring.
Where have you been?
For I thought, surely he must return,
And yet the sun plummets every day,
And my soul retreats to the land of ever-darkness
With it, because I am so alone.
Where have you been?
For I am a timorous child without you,
Huddled in the closest corner,
Riding out the storm.
Where have you been?
For I have searched for what seems
A thousand years and yet unturned no trace
Of your path
In the fallen leaves of time you left behind.
Where have you been?
For everyone around me asks why
Still I cannot let you go, and why
The flowers hold no joy for me
Since that long day our paths were rent.
Where have you been?
For I am cold;
For it is very dark and the night is long without you.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

And I'm still singing hallelujah, hallelujah
And I'm still singing hallelujah in the night

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

I sing and the world goes round and I know it never ends
I’m not a child anymore but I wish I could still pretend
Cold hollowed night stretches on and I dance in the dark like I’m free

I’ve watched people fight all their lives and die
Then those who don’t care live and I still can’t figure why
I sing and the world goes round and I know it never ends

I see a million droplets fall and know their lonesome pain
You couldn’t tell me if you tried I should think it’s only rain
Cold hollowed night stretches on and I dance in the dark like I’m free

They say the dawn never comes and then everyone believes
I wish I could take the sun to each tired heart that grieves
I sing and the world goes round and I know it never ends

I reach with one hand outstretched and I swear I feel the light
They wallow in their own darkness yet I know I must be right
Cold hollowed night stretches on and I dance in the dark like I’m free

If this dark night breaks me I’ll make sure they’ll never know
But my dreams are what I still hold tight and I’m never letting go
I sing and the world goes round and I know it never ends
Cold hollowed night stretches on and I dance in the dark like I’m free

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Wishing

I wish upon the moon,
Wished on Orion’s belt last night;
Figured out constellations and orbiting asteroids
Don’t grant wishes.
There’s a well down the path with the deep
Purple flowers
And I always throw a few flowers inside,
When I’m allowed to walk down that way,
And wish.
I wish whenever I hear a bell or chime,
And you know how you make a wish on your birthday?
I blow out the candle next to my bed,
And every day I make a wish
Because it has to be somebody’s birthday and
Maybe they forgot to use theirs.
So far I’ve been out of luck.
I could wish for that,
But then I would need luck for my wish to be granted to have luck
And I’m not mathematical enough
To want to go around in those
Crazy logic circles
Just to get a wish.
I wish whenever I see the sunrise or sunset.
I wish on fireflies and June bugs and when I see cat’s eyes
Glowing in the dark.
I wish on shooting stars,
Or any other kind of star.
I could make a billion wishes every night
But I always seem to fall asleep
Before I can even get partway through the Milky Way.
I wish and wish and hope and hope and try and try
But nothing ever comes and
It’s been so long and
Now when I close my eyes
I see a thousand shooting stars.
They say I’m getting sicker.
I hear their low deep voices talk to my parents.
One time when they thought I was asleep I heard
My mother start to cry.
She covered it with her hand.
The diamond sparkled in the light,
And I wished on it automatically.
Maybe someday I will live or die and stop
Hanging in this terrible interim.
Maybe someday I will see that lucky shooting star.
Maybe someday I too will glow in the dark wherever people go when they die.
Maybe someday I will remember
What it is I’m wishing for.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Mist: cold, grey. Weeping
Whisper of dancing darkness,
Phantom ancient wind.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Icarus
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free –Goethe


“Look at me,” they say, those young so
hopelessly enslaved. “Life is beautiful and
I’m flying.”

This world cannot keep them down it seems, for in their minds
only they have ever been uniquely bright against the darkness, crying out
“Look at me!”

The city flashes a thousand blinding lights.
The piper’s flute alludes to the magic and they believe
“I’m flying!

“And who are you that you are held down so hard?”
they ask with scorn twisting their dark young faces.
“Look at me.”

Their world is gemstones and puddles of liquid happiness. They
snort it or shove it in their veins and scream to the pulsing beat
“I’m flying!”

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Golden

I had a kingdom up in the sky
I sat on the golden throne of my golden palace
I held my golden sceptre and ate golden food
I looked out over my golden world through golden eyes
I thought I could see everything
I thought my kingdom was forever
I didn't know
I didn't know about how heartbreak can tear through your soul
Smash your glasses to the ground like they're nothing
Just jewelled pieces at your golden feet
And when you look up
When you raise your eyes
There is only heartbreak
And your whole world is shattered like a fist to the face
And you're left staggering
And nothing can fix it
And you can't believe
That it was you, that it was all on you
But for a second you look down
And you wonder if all that gold
Broke this world
If all that gold
Touched your heart more than it should
If all that gold
Spoke some demon talk to your soul
If all that gold
Had shattered many before it shattered you
If all that gold
Made you too damn selfish

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Promises

He told me to promise his death wouldn’t be in vain but I have no idea how to do that
If he had been living
I don’t know
Clarify your terms I might have said
What is in vain
While we’re talking what is death
But he was already dead
It was pointless
Talking I mean not his death
I promised him that
Oh well I honestly don’t know if I can carry out that promise
Pointless discussing it
I mean I’m here to win
Whether he dies or not isn’t going to change that
So maybe it was pointless
Won’t be the first shit promise I made to a dying man
Some people say death promises are more binding
No
They are less because the dead will never know whether you carried out your promise or not
Some men just feel bound by these things I think
I’m not one of those guys
That’s probably why I’m still alive
War kills the decent men
Only those who don’t give a shit make it back
I have the odds in my favour
Besides I don’t care if I end up dead
War seems to like taking those who have more to lose
Why am I writing this anyway
I forgot
Oh yeah that guy who made me promise
You know I envy him
Dying quick
Thinking someone gives a shit about his last request
I’m alive and if ignorance is bliss I’m in hell
Actually I’m in hell no matter what
Anyway, a guy died today
Made me promise something
Should have known I don’t do promises.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

And the seams that used to bind
The darkness from the light have flown
And those dreams were once alive
Die in dark and night alone
And the life inside the mind
Away into the dusk has blown
And the hopes that once survived
Into the deep dark water thrown

And the clear sides, the black and white
Have mangled in the heavy pain
And the strong who used to fight
Have all but washed away in rain
Lie but no one still believes it’s right
Never can we hope to wash away the stain
For the end of the road lies far out of sight
And we can’t find a true wrong to blame

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

I never told you what it was to fall
Maybe that’s why you did
I would have given the world
To let you be the one to walk away
That’s always been my greatest scene
Rubble crumbling under me as I get to my feet
Yet again
And though they may try a thousand ways
I am somehow suddenly a phoenix again
Again and again
As if my incarcerated spirit keeps on trying
But will never ascend or descend
Just remain
Frozen in this cold and empty place
Enough about me, maybe that’s why you fell
Maybe my eyes were too fixed
To ever see really you
Even when you needed me the most
Maybe their sticky smiles got to you
The acid they spit burned your throat
Like their words always do- always did for me
We are, perhaps, closer than you think
Closer in death
Closer when it comes to falling
I’m sorry
I didn’t believe them until I saw your broken body
Now it’s all too true
Maybe I didn’t say how falling hurts
Maybe I never told you the terror of this destiny
Maybe I was too much for you, falling and rising forever
Maybe I taught you how to fall too much
And forgot the part about coming back to life

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Warrior

I hide my smiles in my long dark sleeves
Like knives to thrust into unsuspecting throats
And when I grieve
I thrust them out
My sharp curved mask
Wide mouth, wide cheekbones, white teeth
And I smile
Smile the dark away
As if
The light
Will triumph when we all know
Dusk is coming
As if
The battle
Will end alright when we all know
Men will die today
And my red stained robe
Bears the scars of my sins
And my smiles are like daggers plunging deep
And I thrust and smote
And it begins again
And my smiles wedge up tight inside my sleeves
It's a man's world
And yet I bring them down
It's a dark night
Hence my lustrous gown
And if they don't fall the first time
If my steel don't kiss their throat
I'll sweep back my head and smile
And the bodies rise like smoke

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Fire and ice

In this world, there’s so much fire
All seems fast and warm and no one notices the tears
That keep eating chunks out of the sand
As granules churn violently in the spherical hourglass of time;
So much ice
It becomes impossible to find a still-beating heart.

Eons ago, echoes wailed for the dying heart
Yet no one heard it through the fire,
No one saw it through the ice
And the only tokens are silent tears-
Now drying droplets into the pages of time,
Now washing holes into the sand.

Over and over people keep on tasting the sand
Wondering that it is salty, as a little ice melts off each frozen heart.
But the waves wash in of time,
And terrified to be scorched by the fire
People ignore the question and forget the tears
And fortify their hearts again with ice.

Nothing can defeat the all-encompassing ice
And now, consumed, people dance on sinking sand
Made dark and sticky by the endless tears,
Rent from every frozen heart
By the ceaseless wiles of fire.
And on in an ever-symmetric circle churns time.

Deadlocked, the powers meet, a stalemate to the end of time.
Fire cannot defeat the ice,
Ice will never conquer fire.
Caught between, people dance wild on the sand
As off every icy heart
Fire keeps melting salty tears.

No one knows as they melt and cry that everyone is shedding tears.
Watching the endless cycle, wretched with loss, is time-
Pointless to the blind, frosted heart,
Worthless to the ever-melting ice
To the endless stretches of flaming, frozen sand
To the towering columns of fire.

Infinitely raging on is the battle of ice and fire
As frozen people dance madly on endless burning sand
Dripping salty tears off their hearts of ice.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

You said you'd hold me.
You lied.
You said you'd be there.
You lied.
You said you wouldn't be late, cheat on me here, get bored waiting, live in your fear
Said you wouldn't dance in the dark, push me too far, let me go, give me a scar
Said you wouldn't try to make me, criticize my way, poke fun at shooting stars, laugh when I pray
Said you wouldn't talk behind my back, fall for my best friend, let me be a burden, lie right to the end
Said you wouldn't leave me here alone, let stuff get to you, hit me when you're drunk, do what I wouldn't do
Said you wouldn't turn away my advice, take me down your road, pressure me at night, complain about my load
Said you wouldn't hunt me with your hands, hurt me with your words, hide your true resentment, cut my heart in thirds
Said you wouldn't keep me just for sex, just to get you out of your mess, just to physically relieve your stress, just to see me in that old white dress
You lied.
And I was a fool
Fool me once, shame.
Fool me twice, same.
Fool me again and again and again and again until I can't breathe anymore...
Shame.
Shame on both of us.

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Three Stanzas For Munch's Scream



I scream
And the world goes round and red with the force of my cry
My head morphs to wax
And I clutch it
Lest it melt all over the street
And leave nothing but a wriggling shadow behind

Shadows!
Stalking me as the horror of the night overwhelms
The street rushes by, a frozen blur
The world, so wide and sickening, swells against me
And I cannot seem to keep my body straight
As those dark men stand straight, behind me

I scream
A dream I can never wake up from
The round red world hurtling by
Twisted and frozen
Eons pass and I can never break free from that final moment so
I scream

[Mapledream {Rose Gold}, Holiday Contests Mod]

Wow thats a really vool poem. Ive never really looked into or understood that poem do it shows it to me in a new light. I like it!!

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Thanks so much :) it was a school assignment, you had to write a poem about a painting, and I instantly knew which one I would choose ;)

[Bookcrazy ~ So what? I'm still a rock star~, Challenges + Games Mod (and super amazing poet)]

Split Second

In a split second of time I can see everything:
the curve of your mouth,
hope;
the tight drawing up of her lips like purse-strings
around the heart she refuses
to sacrifice:
not this time.

I can see the fallen leaves of the trees withering, halfway to the ground,
tossed aimlessly by a wind that, uncaring,
sweeps hoards of crumpled phantoms,
making room for the blossoms of spring yet so far away
they didn’t have to die.

I can see the trembling hand of the old man
and his Styrofoam cup,
raised in the dusk like a prayer to the people
for aid,
and I can see the moment where silvery piercing eyes
recognize
and shoulders fall back in refusal, and steps
lengthen.

I can see one drop of rain kiss
the ground, and shatter from the force of its
frenzied sojourn to earth,
no longer one but dozens of sparkling pearls lifting
back from whence it came, screaming
to its brothers on high.

I can see the child pull back her tiny head
and meet the eyes of her mother, writhing
in those hard arms, wailing of
a hope lost which is so small, so small
to life:
the endless travesty of hopes
she must one day face.

I can see the reverse light flicker on,
red with bright warning: this
is what happens when you go back,
when you
try to return,
redo what can never be redone.
Time travel is impossible and backing away is the same color as stopping
for good: useless.

I can see the deserted metal bus stop,
shrouded in a fragment of the scourge
to be the death of this race, the particle
our home cannot stand, not anymore, as the bus
pulls away with its motley human cargo,
leaving behind the bare concrete
nature will one day transpose to the dust from whence it came.

I can see it all now.
Don’t blink.
In that split second; open
your eyes and in that juncture where moment and eon converge,
you will see this irrational paradox of human existence,
the rules that drive us to destroy ourselves piece by piece,
and never get better.
This infinitesimal piece of time shows all we will ever be:
a quest for truth, a skill to lie,
a will to live and a need to die.