Question #1: Home

[[deleted user]]

Miller's Valley begins with an epigraph from James Baldwin: “Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.” Does this statement apply to how you feel about home? Do you equate home more with people or places? Have you ever left a family home and returned many years later?

[Susan]

I think James Baldwin's quote is absolutely true, and perhaps is something that we come to realize more strongly as we age. As I've grown older, I've come to a greater appreciation of how much influence my "growing up" years had on my life - those spent in my parents' home before the age of twenty. The people and the place were both important; the people more so as I believe is always the case. My parents lived in my childhood home for forty years, so it still holds many memories for all of us. It was bittersweet when it was sold in 2005. I just drove by it again a few weeks ago to see what changes the new owners have made, and it was so nice to see it.

For Mimi Miller, Miller's Valley had to have been an irrevocable condition. Her family had such history there. I love the opening of the first chapter - Mimi recalls the sounds of her house and the views from her bedroom window. I could do the same about my childhood home, so many years later.

[Emily]

I do think that James Baldwin's quote is very true, and home has always been a funny concept to me. I moved around a lot growing up, and never really experienced the "family home". Home to me has always been more of a feeling - when I am with family, or traditions we carried from home to home when we moved, or even visiting "going home" for Summer holidays to the East Coast.

So for me, Miller's Valley and the idea of home is fascinating, as Susan said, recalling sound of her house, views from her bedroom window. Although somewhat foreign to me, I love how entrenched the sense of "home" is for Mimi.

[Susan]

Emily wrote: "I do think that James Baldwin's quote is very true, and home has always been a funny concept to me. I moved around a lot growing up, and never really experienced the "family home". Home to me has a..."
You're so right about feeling at home when family is around. I have started to have sibling-and-mom weekends the past few years. Even though we've all been out of our nest since the 1970s and 80s, we still feel comfortable and at home with one another. It's a great feeling. We visited the long-sold family cottage on our last trip, and that felt so much like going home as well. Even though it has new owners, it was still "Grandpa's cottage" to us.

[Ashley]

James Baldwin's quote is very stirring, and I think touches on feelings many people grapple with growing up. When I was younger, home was very much rooted in a particular place, my parent's house. I could not imagine ever moving. Now, I simply can't imagine being far away from my family. The place doesn't matter anymore, but I need the proximity to loved ones.

I have friends whose family has owned farm property in Guelph for over a hundred years. Many generations of that family lived on that property. "The Farm" was an important place in my childhood, and that of my father, and his parents. It was recently sold, and I often dream of being able to purchase it back, and put everyone back in their proper place. To me, that family belongs in that place. Our family needs to be able to visit that place. It's not so much a sense of "home," but connection to a place.

I feel this latter example more closely connects to Miller's Valley, yet contradicts Baldwin's quote. It's a tricky thing.

[Susan]

Oakville wrote: "Miller's Valley begins with an epigraph from James Baldwin: “Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.” Does this statement apply to how you feel about home? ..."
A thought-provoking question to be sure. I fall into the camp that feels things are more about the people and memories I hold rather than the physical space. Although i lived in the same house growing up in Montreal, I moved to Burlington in the early 1980s (like many Montrealers who were uncomfortable with the language policies). Many years later, we drove by my old house ... but it didn't feel or look like the place I grew up. Trees were bigger, fence was different, etc. So memories are more important for me. As I near retirement and the next life phase, we are thinking of "downsizing" - and again I find myself attached to memories rather than the house. So I guess I agree with James Baldwin.

[Maureen]

I found the expression kind of baffling, the words 'irrevocable condition' sounding grimly like psoriasis of the soul but then I often stick on meanings of things. The memories of my childhood are intertwined with people and things and places where I found comfort. To be here today was the result of that interrelationship. So I'm not sure if I agree or disagree! :-)

My last family home is now a parking lot. What it brought back was memories of Joni Mitchell's song, Big Yellow Taxi, and, although not exactly paradise, the house gone from there saw its share of laughter and tears.

[Susan]

Susan wrote: "Oakville wrote: "Miller's Valley begins with an epigraph from James Baldwin: “Perhaps home is not a place but simply an irrevocable condition.” Does this statement apply to how you ..."
I'm sure it will be helpful, Susan, that your memories are more important than the house (or things) when you downsize.

I felt the same sort of thing you describe when I drove by my family home a short while ago. The backyard looked so much smaller than I remembered it, but the trees had become larger and more dominant, I think.

[Susan]

Maureen wrote: "I found the expression kind of baffling, the words 'irrevocable condition' sounding grimly like psoriasis of the soul but then I often stick on meanings of things. The memories of my childhood are ..."
I love your "psoriasis of the soul" comparison, Maureen! The irrevocable condition could definitely be positive or negative.
Also love your "paved paradise," and wonder how strange it would be to see my family home turned into a parking lot.

[Maureen]

Susan wrote: "Maureen wrote: "I found the expression kind of baffling, the words 'irrevocable condition' sounding grimly like psoriasis of the soul but then I often stick on meanings of things. The memories of m..."

Thanks, Susan! What I very much liked was Quindlen's vision of the houses underneath the water, old items floating by; very much like how I see memory, kind of fluid, growing hazy and the lines blurring over time.

I wonder what has happened to my old home/parking lot now. It was in Fort McMurray where, sadly, people more recently have lost so much more.

[Terry]

Maureen wrote: "I found the expression kind of baffling, the words 'irrevocable condition' sounding grimly like psoriasis of the soul ..."
Maureen, I understand your comment entirely. I don't know that I agree or disagree with the quote either - I think I do some of both, but neither enough (or strongly enough) to post a better opinion. :)

Great song... but sorry about your childhood home.

[Maureen]

Thanks, Terry! Good to hear that I wasn't the only one stuck on that phrase. :-) I've always found that old adage 'you can't go home again' (much easier than James Baldwin's quote! ) has held true for me so I wasn't too sorry about our old house being gone but at least some great memories carried forward.

[Susan]

Maureen wrote: "Thanks, Terry! Good to hear that I wasn't the only one stuck on that phrase. :-) I've always found that old adage 'you can't go home again' (much easier than James Baldwin's quote! ) has held true ..."
I suppose we could discuss whether that old adage is true, too. Perhaps we can go home again in our mind and sentiments, even if we can't go there physically. I think I like the idea of home being a "condition" rather than a physical place.