You'll love this one...!! A book club & more discussion
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Watcha Doin' - 2017.1 edition
Regardless of my reasons for not having children, i do not think everybody should adopt the same attitude to me. And it should work the other way too. I say each to their own. Good attitude Sandra!
Very much agree with people being judgmental and to each their own!We also don't want kids, and have said so for years. I haven't received much judgment, most people I know understand. Most of my family, friends and close colleagues know, and several have made the same decision. Some older people give comments which imply that I should have them (or like they don't get why someone wouldn't want them), but I don't care.
My parents also accept it (but I'm glad my sister has a son now so they did become grandparents :)), but I know my mom worries that there will be nobody to care for me when I get old. But like someone said before, that's a very bad reason for kids and no guarantee anyway. It's not like she thinks I should have kids for that reason, but it's just the sort of worrying moms do ;-)
I really don't like the reason of someone to care for you when you're old. To me that is not a good reason to have children. I don't want to be my children's responsibility. I have pressure to care for my mom now and that's not something I want for my kids. Caring for an aging parent isn't for everyone. Sarah, I am going through the process of adopting kids from foster care now. It is a long process. People still judge that. Some people think it's great, but many people look at you like you're crazy when you tell them. One of the big questions is - Why do you want kids with issues? Plus at my age, my kids are grown, so people can't imagine why I'd want to do it again.
Mad. I think you're amazing for doing that Kristie. The great thing is that you have already had kids and older and wiser now and can use your experience to help these kids who have been dealt a difficult lot. Yes I can well imagine it being a long drawn out process.
Thanks, Sarah. My husband and I are excited bout it, but it can certainly be difficult for others to understand.
We got some answers about my uncle yesterday. In a weeks time they will operate, it will be a 10 hour op. So we are in a waiting game now. They are keeping him in Dublin for the duration. His room here is ready for his release.Now that the inititial shock has worn off I may do some reading - I think I'll be travelling a lot so audiobooks are perfect.
That's good news Margo. What a long op though! Is Dublin far for you to travel to?
KimeyDiann I can totally relate!! I get so tired of friends, family, coworkers and complete strangers asking when we are having kids! Why do people think that's okay to ask?! We have made the decision not to have kids, but lots of couples want kids and aren't able. I can't imagine how it must hurt every time someone harasses them about it. We both have nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews. We love them all and are happy to spend time with them. However, when you tell someone you don't want kids, they assume that means you hate all children. I even had a friend accuse me of thinking she and her hubby made a mistake by having a baby because I told them Al and I had thought things through and decided we weren't ready to be parents. What's right for me isn't right for every person in the world. Why is that a hard concept?On a funny note, my mom supports my decision and told me if someone harasses me about it, I should ask them a very personal and embarrassing question, like how frequently they have sex.
Kimey - I hope the appointment goes well and that the Dr. and nurses are supportive!
Sarah - I hope your strain heals quickly!
You make some great points there Laura. And your mum's advice made me laugh.My leg is feeling much better today so I don't think it was a major strain otherwise I'm guessing I'd still be laid up. I'm still hobbling about but it's not excruciating any more. I have a Summer Party to go to tomorrow with a disco but I think I'll have to sit out on dancing but that's no major issue especially as the music is bound to be cheesy and/or not something I like.
Sarah wrote: "You make some great points there Laura. And your mum's advice made me laugh.My leg is feeling much better today so I don't think it was a major strain otherwise I'm guessing I'd still be laid up...."
That's one way of getting out of doing the Macarena, Sarah! ;)
Laura, I love your mom's response. Margo, it's a relief to know that your uncle will be getting surgery in a week. Waiting is difficult. I agree that audiobooks will be useful during your commute.
I hope your uncle's surgery goes well, Margo. At least a week is not too long to wait.
Arrg, panic stations resumed! In one of those loveable little quirks of hospital life they released him yesterday after all! Home for 2 weeks then back for op. We drove up ( 78 miles Sarah) to visit last night and found him packed and waiting to come home. Poor man was out of credit so couldn't even ring to let us know!! Thank goodness everything was ready this end.I had my pain treatment yesterday so I am full of botox and feeling like crap anyway. Ah, live :-(
Margo wrote: "Arrg, panic stations resumed! In one of those loveable little quirks of hospital life they released him yesterday after all! Home for 2 weeks then back for op. We drove up ( 78 miles Sarah) to visi..."Oh, Margo! You would think they would have called and let you know of their intentions. Thank goodness you had everything ready at home for him!
I hope you start to feel better soon after your pain treatment.
I can't believe it's July already! Where has the year gone?!Happy Canada Day to all the Canadians out there! :)
Oh, Margo. That's terrible. I can't believe they couldn't at least inform you that he was being discharged. Good thing you were ready for him.
Margo, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think everything goes well.
Margo, I'm so sorry that you and your uncle are going through this. Like the others, I think it's strange that the hospital didn't call you to tell you that he was being discharged. It sounds like the surgery has been delayed by another week.
Happy Canada Day to my fellow Canadians. We're celebrating our 150th birthday. A sobering thought is that I remember our centennial. Someone said to me, "That was 50 years ago. You can't be that old!" Truth.
Hello from Norway! I can't wrap my head around the fact that it's still light here at 11.30pm! And it will be starting to get light again at 3.30. Such a weird experience. Sorry to hear about that extra stress with your uncle Margo. Glad his room at your place was ready!
Wow! That would be a strange experience, Peggy.
I love summer for that. We start getting dark around 10:30, and it starts getting light at about 4:30 in the morning. We had fireworks at midnight last night and it was just dark enough to see them. The Alberta government is considering passing a bill to keep daylight savings permanently - no switching back and forth in the spring and fall. They are in the process of collecting feedback from people. I think I'd rather have Mountain Standard Time year round rather than Mountain Daylight Time. It's going to be getting dark at 3:30 in the afternoon in the winter. Bummer!
Kristie, my ex did a job up in Cambridge Bay, Nunavut one year. The first time they went it, it was July and the sun didn't go down. He said you could watch the sun go in circles. He had to return in November and it was dark 24 hours/day. People living there had no concept of time. Kids were playing in the streets at 2:00 in the morning. I don't think I could ever get used to it.
Oh wow, Janice! I don't think I could get used to that. That's just crazy. I would struggle without sun during the day and would probably have difficulty sleeping when there's no dark. That can't be healthy for you.
Interesting Margo the guy I knew who had either throat or mouth cancer had surgery that was at least 10 hrs. They had to remove part of his jaw and then reconstruct it. I don't know all the details but the good thing is it completely took away all his cancer hope your results the same
My groin strain has sorted itself out. It can't have been all that serious. I was able to bust some moves on the dance floor after all at the summer party. I had a fab time. Feeling sad my course is over although I will be returning to the college for further courses next year. Now I have a year to focus on building my business a bit more which I'm really excited about.That's quite a trek Margo up to the hospital then. At least you have 2 weeks of not having to make that journey while your Uncle stays with you. Very frustrating that the hospital changed their plans.
I can imagine that being very strange - 24hr daylight or 24hr darkness. I would love to experience though. Not a regular basis though as I think it would mess my head up.
Glad your groin has sorted itself out, Sarah.
Happy July 4th to everyone in the USA!
I've been disconnected pretty much for the past week. I'm just now getting to read all of the posts in response to my concerns about the doctor's appointment my husband and I had last week. As usual, you all rock! I wasn't so much worried about what the doc's opinion of us would be as I was that he would try to change our minds or even refuse the procedure, which is perfectly within his rights. He didn't, thankfully. He asked us several questions to make sure this was a well thought through decision. He was taken by surprise when he asked how many children we have and we responded none. He explained that he has had patients in the past that regretted the decision and he wanted to make sure we understood everything. Even though a vasectomy can technically be reversed, it doesn't always work and should be considered permanent. He was very kind and didn't come across as judgmental, just concerned that we had thought the decision through completely and he knows that we have.
Now the only problem is that my doctor/needle/surgery-phobic husband is freaking out about actually having the procedure done.
I'm glad the appointment went well Kimey!I'm still in Norway and I have no words to express how insanely beautiful this country is. Literally breathttaking. When we drive we are ooh'ing and ah'ing after every turn or at the end of every tunnel and you want to stop every 5 minutes for pictures. I'll post some pics when I'm back home.
And the people are also super friendly and helpful! Norway is going high up my list of favourite countries, and we've already decided to come back in a few years. It's like New Zealand (which is my favourite country) close to home!
The only downside is the changeable weather but that's a small price to pay. I think we've been pretty lucky so far. A few rainy days but also some very sunny ones.
Glad you're having such a wonderful time, Peggy! I'll have to add it to my list of countries to visit. It sounds lovely.
I'm pleased it went well Kimey. The fact your husband made the decision to have it done despite being phobic is fantastic. If he is able to make a decision knowing he feels that way, he's done the hardest part. Many people would not even contemplate having a procedure, especially a voluntary one. When i was needle phobic there was no way I'd volunteer to give blood. Once it had gone, that was the first thing I went and did. Get him to think and imagine how he wants to think, feel, and behave leading up to the procedure. It will stop him thinking about the worse case scenarios and the details of what happens etc. Very jealous Peggy. It does look beautiful when I've seen photos and programs on the tv about it. Good to hear your enjoying your trip.
It's been another hot day today with a high pollen count which triggered my asthma again. No attack but not feeling great so I've been off work today. Spent most of the day reading and updating my website which desperately needed doing. So it was productive despite not feeling great. Also made some homemade basil and rocket pesto which is scrummy.
I'm glad you're enjoying your trip, Peggy! Sarah, I remember you posting pictures of needles pushed through your skin when you took one of your hypnotism courses. They were pretty impressive and shows the power we have to overcome our fears.
Norway sounds beautiful, Peggy! I'm glad you are having a great time.
My kindle fire has developed a new quirk; everytime I hit return it adds "now" to my text!nowI am not deleting from this this text to illustrate.now
now
It already refuses to do spell check, check grammer, auto-caps or any of the things I have come to take for granted. Not a devise for lazy people ie me!!!
How annoying, Margo! Is there any way you can reset it?
I had problems with the silk browser on my kindle recently. I rang up support and they got me to do a factory reset which has sorted the problem out completely. Might be worth a call Margo. Very frustrating when things stop working.
Peggy wrote: "I'm glad the appointment went well Kimey!I'm still in Norway and I have no words to express how insanely beautiful this country is. Literally breathttaking. When we drive we are ooh'ing and ah'i..."
Now i want to go to norway! Where is "home" peggy? I thought you were from the netherlands.now
Oh Margo, that is annoying! I've never seen anything quite like that before. Sarah, did you lose your content when you reset to factory? I'd be afraid of losing things and I would have a ton to back up and save and return to the Kindle. I feel like that would be a huge hassle.
That's annoying Margo!Yes, from the Netherlands :)
Kristie wrote: "Oh Margo, that is annoying! I've never seen anything quite like that before. Sarah, did you lose your content when you reset to factory? I'd be afraid of losing things and I would have a ton to b..."
They did warn that I would lose all photos and documents from the device. I don't have any on there anyway so it wasn't a problem. All the apps I've purchased/downloaded and all my books/documents are stored in the kindle cloud so soon as I reset and turned it back on and registered my kindle again I had full access to everything.
That's good, Sarah. I worry about my NetGalley books as they are received and stored as documents. Glad you didn't have any problems.
I didn't get a chance to finish responding to everyone the other day. This has been such a crazy week with the holiday falling on a Tuesday and it being my busiest week at work... Looking at a computer during my down time has been the last thing on my mind! @Margo, I'm so sorry about your uncle. I hope he is comfortable and you are able to enjoy your time together pre-surgery. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
@Peggy, I'm adding Norway to my must-visit list. I've heard others say wonderful things about it too. I'm glad you are enjoying your trip. Stay safe and enjoy!
@Sarah, do you have any recommendations for books/videos/etc. for overcoming those types of phobias? I don't know if there is anywhere in this area that offers hypnosis or anything, but I may need to look into it for him. He's agreed to have the procedure, but we haven't scheduled it yet. And he's freaking out a little bit every time I try to bring it up now.
I pay my nephew and his dad to mow the yard at my house. My bro-in-law stopped by yesterday when I got home from work to pick up the check. We were standing around chatting and he asked if I had any plans tonight. I told him I didn't and he asked if I would like to go get something to eat with him, so I have a "date" tonight. I'm looking forward to it. He was married to my sister that passed away a few years ago. I don't get to spend much time with him or my nephews anymore so this should be nice. My sister was 20 years older than me and I can't remember a time when her husband wasn't a part of our lives. They married when I was a toddler and I was very close with them when I was younger. I've missed all of them since she died... even though they still live nearby, I don't see them much.
Enjoy your visit with your brother-in-law, KimeyDiann. Sounds like you will have lots to reminisce about.
Kristie wrote: "That's good, Sarah. I worry about my NetGalley books as they are received and stored as documents. Glad you didn't have any problems."They clearly have something set up with amazon. I've noticed before that all my netgalley books appear in the "manage my content" area in my amazon account. So must be automatically added to the cloud.
KimeyDiann wrote: "I didn't get a chance to finish responding to everyone the other day. This has been such a crazy week with the holiday falling on a Tuesday and it being my busiest week at work... Looking at a comp..."Thank you for the kind thoughts.and
It's odd how quickly we normalise these things. A week ago we were shattered and I didn't know how we would cope. Now it's already become our new routine. The patient is installed in our, modified spare room and is sheduled for surgery on thursday. We are all very worried about the op.
Nothing to do now but feed him well, let him rest and read! He is a great reader. I am listening The Paying Guests and it is very soothing although I have to listen to each chapter at least twice as my mind keeps wandering. It is a great relief to have this group - you are my safety valve at the moment ;-)
@kimey - my mum comes from a big family and there is a 19 year age gap between her and her youngest sibling. It's so sad that you lost your sister but great that have her family so close. Hope the "date" went well.
I hope the surgery goes well, Margo. I think of you and your uncle often.
Hope you had a lovely night catching up, Kimey.Glad it's going well so far, Margo. Hope the surgery all goes well this week.
Peggy, I'm super jealous.
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You'll love this one...!! A book club & more
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Love this! You are so right.
I have to say I've not had many conversations about not having kids with people due to the ensuing questions and judgement. This is probably the first conversation outside of the one with my partner and perhaps a couple other people who don't want children.
There is infertility in my family (my mum had given up hope then I came along then she went straight through menopause as soon as she gave birth to me. I've seen many women who have their lives ruined because they cannot conceive and I'd rather not go through that. There's also too way too many people in the world for me to add to it. If i want to have kids at some point (although unlikely in the foreseeable future given i live on a boat which is short of space) , then i can always foster or adopt and help those who are already in need of parents. I also had a tricky situation with a child client which made me think I'd struggle with having a kid around permanently. Don't get me wrong, i like kids but i also like being able to escape them.
At my age I'm around a lot of women who have young kids and it's all they talk about. I have to say that can be quite difficult because it inevitably comes around to "so when are you having a baby?" Which i tend to shrug off. I find conversations like that tricky and wish they'd move the subject on to something more interesting, not because i don't want to be asked that question but because there is only so much baby/pregnancy talk that is interesting. Other topics are possible surely. Like books or something. Lol. I know their kids are important and I'm happy to hear about them but it would be nice to talk about something else too. That's my rant over.