One way conversation

[G.G.]

Simple:

How do you write a one way conversation when the protagonist doesn't hear the other side.

[Ian]

Do you mean, like the protagonist overhears someone else talking on the phone? What's the problem here? Ideas for indicating the pauses while the other side of the conversations happens?

I've had to do that a couple of times in my current WIP, and throw in a few fillers such as the speaker's actions/reactions, and inner thoughts of the observer. Of course it helps to mix it up a bit so it doesn't get repetitive, and it's hard to keep this up for more than a few lines of conversation. Here's a snippet from my WIP to illustrate:

Words beyond the closed door hovered on the edge of meaning.

Shayla slowed her breathing and closed her eyes, forsaking other senses and pouring all her awareness into the world of sound.

“Let me speak to her first.” That was Simone’s voice. Low but urgent.

“Mumble, mumble ...” The reply was too faint to make out.

“Brin, you know full well she either comes with you willingly, or not at all.” Clearer this time, no attempt at concealment.

Something’s happened. Why would I be reluctant to accompany my own head of security?

Possibilities raced through Shayla’s mind while she reached for her knife and needle gun, both always close to hand. Was there some treachery afoot? Brin was an Imperial appointee, chosen by Chalwen ap Gwynodd in person and loyal to the Emperor. But he was also in the early stages of a mind-rotting sickness. Sam Kattergee had warned them both to be alert to signs of lapses of judgment. She dismissed the thought. Sam was monitoring Brin closely and wouldn’t let him continue his duties if there was any question of his abilities.

“I don’t care how many guards you have with you, or how many snipers surround the building with every window in their sights, you cannot hope to take her by force without bloodshed.”

Or have I completely misunderstood the question?

[G.G.]

Nope, you understood it well. That's what I was asking. That's a good example. Thanks.

Mine is a whole lot shorter though, a few sentences at the most. I was thinking about putting ellipsis between them as if there was a pause. Like this:

"No, I'm not risking it … I don't care … Fine! Yes, I'm willing to pay the price."

(I'm not sure if there should still be a period after the sentences though.)

In my first book I had put ellipsis but between the lines. Like one line the speech, the next ellipsis, but I didn't think it was done right so that's why I am asking what other people were doing. :)
To take the same example, in my first book I would have done it this way:

"No, I'm not risking it."
…
"I don't care."
…
"Fine! Yes, I'm willing to pay the price."

So you see it's quite short. :/

[Ian]

In this example I think the first approach works fine. If I was reading that, and if I knew knew this was one side of a conversation, I'd understand what was going on.

Putting the ellipses on separate lines looks wrong to me, but that's just my opinion.

[Nathan]

In my first book I took several different approaches when dealing with one sided conversations, mainly to give the characters something to talk about after the one sided conversation. Here's two examples.

#1
A call this late usually meant something bad had happened to somebody. Why else would he be calling this late?

He hit the answer key. "Filcher here. What's up lieutenant?"

He listened intently for a few moments. His features grew steadily darker the longer Lieutenant Michaels spoke in his ear. His shoulders visibly slumped and his eyes dropped toward the floor then back up to look at me. I could tell from his expression it wasn't good.

After a long pause on his end he responded. "Okay sir, we'll be there as quick as we can. Yes sir, I'm at his place now. Okay sir, out."


#2
John's phone rang while I drove us back to Justice. I fought a losing battle with my patience and lousy drivers. Every day the traffic seemed to get more and more congested. The lights lasted too long or not long enough, depending on your point of view. I had even contemplated using our flashers to clear a path, but thought better of it. John usually frowned on that idea anytime it was mentioned.

I listened to his half of the conversation when I could afford to let my concentration on the flow of traffic lapse, which wasn't often enough to understand what it was about. Mostly I caught "yeah" or "uh huh" or "got it." Hardly worth the trouble.


To cheat the one sided conversation one time I even had one character use the speaker phone option so the protagonist could hear what was said on both sides :p And I also used...the ellipsis...in the same book as well, to mix it up as Ian said.
I don't think it matters much how you deal with it, as long as you are satisfied with how it turns out.

Great question BTW.

[Lynzie]

G.G. wrote: "Nope, you understood it well. That's what I was asking. That's a good example. Thanks.

Mine is a whole lot shorter though, a few sentences at the most. I was thinking about putting ellipsis betwe..."
I use the ellipses on one line like your first example. It was the only way it made sense to me haha

[Jane]

I do think that with a short piece of one-sided conversation your first idea makes the most sense. It reads more smoothly than separating out.

[Jonathan]

I've got several examples of a one-sided phone conversation (e.g. the POV character is listening as another character who is physically present is on the phone) and I also use the ellipses all in the same paragraph, indicating where the other person is talking, e.g:

"Hi... yeah, sorry, I meant to call you before but... what do go mean? No, but Steve said... yeah, I get that, but... no, wait, let me just expl... wait, no don't go, let me just - "

However, if it was my POV character on the phone, I'd write the whole conversation as regular dialogue.

[Jonathan]

*what do you mean?*

(Don't know how to edit posts on the phone app)

[G.G.]

Thanks guys! it's fun to see how people do it. :)

I'll go with my first example. I am usually all for action tags but in this case I want it to be short and sweet.

And yes, Jonathan, I agree that if it is the POV character, you can't do it. It would make no sense.