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The “Deus Ex Machina” Challenge
"Daughter!" Satan said, shaking his head. "I told you to stop playing First Day In Hell in the house! Just look at the carpet!"New: "You won't win this time, Lefty," the mob boss said as the cement dried around Lefty's feet. "Throw this rat in the river, boys."
And screeched to a halt as the cosmic traffic lights turned from green to red.New: He could feel nothing but cold as the poison ran through his veins and arteries. His lips went blue and his eyes rolled back in his head...
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New: He pulled himself from the wreckage of the space ship. He could see earth, now just a dot in the sky, much as Mars had looked at one time to him. He had no way to communicate with earth to tell them he had survived. He knew his life was short. Oxygen was pouring out of the holes of his suit as rapid as water from a faucet.
The ships crash activated ancient technology on Mars, left there by those who had once in habited the planet. A platform rose from the red dirt and a gateway opened up on it. There, in the middle of the platform, was a portal to Earth.New: Both ships were heavily battered from the battle, both venting air out into space. The captain of the Queen Anne looked around at his crew and gave the nod. If they were going down, they were going down fighting. He initiated the self destruct.
(Dwane, we both posted at the same time before, and apparently we both had the same losing-oxygen idea, haha)
Then pain racked his body as he landed, straddling a wooden fence five feet into the dark.New: He held tight to the cord that was anchored into the face of the rock. As he watched in horror, the cords began to unravel. His gaze travelled down until he looked between his feet at the rocky ground a thousand feet below him.
Giving her the amazing ability to breathe underwater.New: He packed up his desk. He'd lost the biggest account the company had ever seen, and it was going to bankrupt them. He knew it was inevitable, his being fired, so he thought he'd head them off at the pass and leave quietly.
Which turned out to be the best move he ever made because that desk was worth millions according to Antique Road Show.New: Backed into a corner, the helpless kitten shrank from the snarling teeth of the pack of dogs.
Ok since VM's story hasn't been resolved I will do it, and I'll used Alex's story for the new one.As the cop approached the car, she tried to find an excuse for having broken the law. But to her surprise, he stopped a few feet away, grabbed his pants and shirt with both hands, and pulled. He was left in the sexiest G-string she'd ever seen. He winked at her. "Happy birthday from your friends," he said and started to dance.
For the next NEW, I copy pasted Alex's since it wasn't answered:
New Harry lay on the floor, his blood pulsing from the large gash on his arm; he regretted what he had done, and could no longer remember what had led him to try and take his own life, it was too late, though, the damage was done, it was just a matter of time, and not much of it, before he was dead.
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Harry woke up. He was fine. It was all a dream.
New: "I'm going to America!" shouted Jack as he boarded The Titanic.
And immediately suffers a 3 hour delay after the captain dies of a heart attack and is replaced by a new captain with a morbid terror of icebergs.New: Bert limped into the alleyway, trailing blood. He pushed past a row of smelly garbage cans and lurched deeper into the laneway. Clawed feet scrabbled on the slick cobblestones behind him. They were still chasing him. He looked up, there was a brick wall - it was a dead end.
With heart racing and chills encasing his entire body, Bert backed up toward the wall. Each step stole precious energy from his failing body. He could hear the steps closing in. The harsh vapor of the beast's breath could now be seen lurking around the corner. Bert summoned his last ounce of energy to reach the wall but what he felt was not the cold stone that he prepared to touch. He felt nothing. Bert collapsed as he fell through the wall. He had reached it. The secret entrance to the hideout. His team quickly came to his aid as he entered.New: This was it. Henry had prepared for months for this jump. Heart racing and body filled with excitement, he leapt out of the plane. He had never felt so free before. Henry reach for the cord to deploy his parachute, but his ears were met with the heart stopping sound of nothing. Suddenly he realized he had been set up.
...for the best surprise ever. The air rushed by him, but he was in such shock that it was as if he'd lost all of his senses except sight. His girlfriend had a custom parachute made with the words "Will you marry me?" visible to him, and anyone looking up. He said yes.The rabbit hopped quickly along, trying to escape the hunter. But it was cut off. Behind him was a man chasing and in front of it was a snare that would spell certain doom. The rabbit's time was up.
Suddenly, there was a thud and the ground shook behind the rabbit. He turned slowly to find the hunter had tripped, and lay now with his head on a rock. The rabbit hopped over slowly and the sweet sticky smell captivated him. He couldn't resist it and began lapping the crimson blood that now pooled on the forest floor.New: "That's too much!" she exclaimed as the vampire wouldn't release the hold on her neck. She could feel herself begin to fade away as...
...the opening bars of "Sailing" by Christopher Cross began to play. That was her favorite.New: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a space ninja! But I know a black hole when I see it and we're headed right for it!
Luckily they were aboard the Millennium Falcon and Han Solo had done the Kessel run dozens of times.NEW: "Wait," Bill exclaimed as Vince put the muzzle of his forty-five up to his temple, "I can explain everything. I didn't know she was married."
"I don't care," Vince replied as he slowly pulled the trigger.
The gun went off. Bill flinched, expecting pain, expecting darkness, but experiencing neither. He turned his head to a rather shocked looking Vince, and narrowed his eyes."Vince... did you miss?"
Vince gaped for a moment, then, "Uh... no, that was just a warning shot. This is the real shot!"
He fired. Again Bill remained standing alive and well.
"Another warning shot! this time..." This time the gun clicked. It was empty.
"Um..." Vince said. He tossed the gun aside and ran off.
New: "We have twenty seconds to disarm this bomb. Does anyone know how? Anyone? Anyone at all? Seriously!"
The spooky little girl in the corner with silvery reflective eyes leaned forward and said, 'Cut the blue wire - it works every time.'New: I used the last of my ammo to blow the T-Rex's head clean off. The 10 tonne corpse crashed to the ground, covering me in a flood of blood. I wiped my eyes clear. There was a hissing, croaking sound behind me. I twisted around. The velociraptor pack had returned.
He looked at me for a second. I looked at him. He cocked his head to the side. I cocked my head to the side. And then, as I looked on, he started doing the macarena. NEW:
Elizabeth awoke to find herself tied to her bed. A broad-shouldered man stood in the doorway of her bedroom, laughing softly. "About time you woke up," he told her. Then with a grin that could only be described as evil he held up a large knife. "Let's play, darling."
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However, the dumb ass forgot to load the shot gun. When the gun wouldn't fire, he tried hitting the broad-shouldered man with the butt of the gun. Instead, he found his throat slit. As he lay bleeding and dying, the man with the knife approached Elizabeth again. "Okay, this time for real," he said.
Elizabeth jerked her head to the right, stared out the window at a nearby Oak tree and shouted, "Squirrel!" The man immediately leaped through the window in a shower of glass and struck his head on the trunk of the tree. He slid to the bottom of the tree, leaving a bloody trail on the trunk.New: I'd only been in maximum security for 2 minutes. My new cell mate loomed over me. He started undoing his belt, and said, 'Hey, you look cute. You can be my new girlfriend.'
Who knew life on the inside came with a happily ever after?New: "Forget it," she heard the investigator say, o ly steps away from where she lay pinned, unable to speak, but still very much alive. "A crash like this leaves no survivors. Let's get back to the office and write it up."
He took another step, tripped over a branch and fell sprawling over her prone body. Scrambling up, he cast a horrified glance at her open eyes and she blinked rapidly. "Jesus, Bob, we've got a live one!"
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Jasper was thinking about the beauty and peace of nature as he crested the hill... and realized that this was the wrong hill. The expanse below him was devoid of habitation, and looked not peaceful so much as windswept and barren. No town. No comforting hotel in the valley below. Where the hell was he? He spun slowly on his heels, as the realization sunk in - he was completely alone, miles deep in the wilderness, and the chill of evening was beginning to seep into his bones.
Then he turned to his left and realized he'd been looking in the wrong direction the whole time. Down below him was an oasis filled with fruit bearing trees, a luscious pool of clear water, and a water polo game in progress.New: As Bill rounded a bend in the river in his little canoe, his paddle struck a branch protruding from the murky water, ripping it from his grasp. As the river widened perceptively, and the current picked up speed, he could hear the distant roar of a waterfall...
He searched frantically with his eyes, the inevitable about to happen. What the hell was he gonna do his mind raced. New: He imagined his mangled body being found days later or worse, eaten by bears! He decided it was do or die and made a jump for it into the icy dark waters...
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NEW: Flames were consuming the forest all around the cabin. She dropped to her knees, screaming, just as something poked through the dirt floor. The Mole Folk had found her! If she stayed in the cabin one more second, they would devour her. she climbed to the roof of the cabin, trying to think how she could escape when the ear-breaking whine of a 747 split the air above. The jet was coming right for her and fast.
Only for the jet to veer up ever so slightly at the last minute. The blast of its engines knocked her all the way to the safety of the pond, while at the same time caused the burning cabin to collapse on the mole people. Their mortal enemies, the fish people, in a fit of gratitude, made her their new queen. New: The detective gasped and sputtered as the poison that had been mixed into the tea closed up his airways. Yet even through the panic of dying he still managed to find it ironic that it really was the butler who had done it.
He slipped a hand into his coat pocket and fished out the antidote he had stolen earlier from the butler's room. He only drank the tea to confirm his suspicions.New: The exhausted mage ran his eyes over the battlefield. With his powers depleted, and the troll army advancing rapidly towards him, he wondered how the next writer would save him.
Of course, the "Troll Cloak." He reached into his bag and pulled out a foul smelling, tattered sheet of dank, blood clotted, material and wrapped it around his shoulders and pulled it over his head. The Troll army passed him by.New: Tabby the cat played his hand, he slammed his cards onto the table. "5 aces. The loot's mine." He dragged the pot toward himself, not noticing that the other poker players, German Shepherd, Ridgeback, Doberman, Irish Wolfhound and Husky were looking at him with suspicious eyes.
Without taking his eyes off his newly won loot, Tabby said, "Don't worry boys, I already got you two new, never before peed on, shiny fire hydrants right over there. One's red and one's yellow, just because I'm accommodating." The territorial dogs instantly shifted their attention to each other as they all wanted to be the first to christen the fire hydrants .New: Her strictly vegan, glutten-free, kosher mother-in-law, Susan, was finally happy and raving about the hor d'oeuvres. When Jane asked Susan what her favorite was, she realized with a sinking feeling that it was the mini-quiche with tiny pieces of chopped bacon. The label had fallen off of the serving platter and her MIL had just eaten 4 of them!
Thankfully they were the last four, and there would be no evidence that bacon was ever involved.Edited because I apparently broke my own thread: New: The world was ending. The Disease ravaged every inch of the planet taking out plants, animals, and humans. Marty waited for his turn as he knew that he'd been in contact with The Disease.
The screech of tires made him turn on his heels. Doc Brown leaped out of the car. "Marty!" he shouted. "We can find a cure. We need to go back... back to the future!"New:
Shirley screamed as her car plummeted over the cliff. The trees and rocks below rushed toward her, growing larger with every passing second.
Then the parachute developed and they floated to,earth as gently as an autumn leaf.New:
Struggling for breath he pounded on the manhole cover over his head as the water rose. As he lost consciousness, his final thought was forvthe baby son he had never seen.
He rolled his eyes, then took his flash drive to his home computer downstairs, booted it up, uploaded the novel, and re-typed "The End." New: "The end is not coming, it is already here," rasped a vicious, gutteral voice directly in her ear.
For Christ's sake Chloe, will you take something for that sore throat and then go back to bed....New: The man in the leather trench coat grasped her by the wrist and snapped on a pair of brass handcuffs.
'On your knees' he whispered in a dreadfully quiet voice.
She complied and smirked. It was the fantasy role play she'd paid for, after all. This was starting out perfectly.New: His snowboard cut the snow. He was reaching extreme speeds dodging trees and making small jumps. There was a loud explosion behind, and when he looked an avalanche was now heading his way and would overtake him momentarily.
"Game over" flashed across his vision. He pulled the VR goggles from his head and reached into his pocket for more quarters.New: The asteroid cut a fiery path through the atmosphere as it hurtled towards Manhattan.
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NEW: It was 2158 and what scientists had been warning for a century was happening; all of the world's water supply was drying up. In fact, there was only water enough left to keep the population alive for another month.
As the asteroid plummeted it began to noticeably shrink and trail an enormous amount of steam as all the space ice was quickly and fortuitously burnt off by it's fiery entry into Earth's atmosphere.New: Smoothing her hand-beaded, lace wedding dress one last time, she called "To me, Deuce!" and heard her dog's happy bark and chuffing breath approaching. Another second later, she saw that her dog was so happy from the quick swim she'd taken in the pond. Deuce was wet and muddy and running right for.
Answering Dwayne's: The alien race who had been keeping an eye on the Humans finally saw need to intervene. The Humans couldn't pull it together, and so the aliens beamed them up and saved the whole of planet Earth's inhabitants.Answering Nevada's: Her butler stepped in front of Deuce. He scowled at the dog and the dog stopped in its tracks looking up with innocent eyes. The crisis of a ruined wedding dress was averted.
New: Daleks had The Doctor prisoner. His sonic screwdriver had been lost and he was defenseless. They were closing in, preparing to shoot him with their lasers. They shouted, "Exterminate! Exterminate!"
When suddenly the doctor pulled out a handkerchief, waved it at the Daleks, yelled "wooeooeeyahyahyah" as he shuffled his companion out the door."Doctor," the companion inquired, "what just happened?"
"I'll explain later. Let's go."
New: "Dasher?" Santa stared at the carnage that had once been his reindeer stable. "Prancer, Dancer, Vixen?" He wanted to tear his eyes away, but he couldn't. "Comet, Cupid, Donner, *and* Blitzen?"
It was a nightmare come true. Christmas Eve and all of his reindeer slaughtered. He should have known Rudolph would snap. He should have ordered sensitivity training for those cliquish yet completely irreplaceable magical reindeer.
Little did Santa know that the elves had been keeping a close watch on Rudolph and had been studiously working on training a new group of reindeer for this very situation. Without a moment to spare, they unveiled their new and improved Christmas Eve squad.NEW Little billy stood daydreaming at his shortstop position. The loud crack of the bat brought him back to reality, only to see the baseball hurtling directly at his face...
Billy threw up his hands to block the ball, but it was too late. The ball thunked against his nose, breaking it. Blood splattered and ran down his face. The basemen stood frozen, the ball rolling away while the runner raced around the bases, scoring the winning run.New:
Alicia screamed. The man's advance continued, his evil chuckle sending the ice of fear through her body. She wasn't ready to die. Not yet. Not like this.
She took off the VR goggles and stretched. Been playing too long she thought.New:
As she looked the mirror cracked, and a strange claw-like hand pushed through the shards to take her throat in a merciless grip
Gah! I really need some lotion, she thought. And a manicure.New: "Do you expect me to talk?" The suave agent asked from his unfortunate position of being tied to a table with a laser pointed at his crotch.
"No, Mr. Boned, I expect you to sing in your highest falsetto as soon as this laser hits paydirt."
And he did. While the castration was unfortunate, Mr. Boned went on to land lead part after lead part in operas with his new range in tones.New: It was Christmas morning and a little girl was hoping to get what she'd been wishing for all year: A My Little Pony bike. But when she bounded down the stairs, there was no bike. She held out, thinking maybe her parents were saving the best for last. All the presents were opened, and not a bike was to be found...so she summoned Krampus.
Who rode in on her bike, grinning like a loon, with a pink ribbon around his neck....New: Santa clicked his tongue at the reindeer and they sped across the rooftops. Unfortunately he had forgotten to put n his seatbelt and as the sleigh reached Mach Two he could no longer keep his seat. He plummeted through the frosty air.
"Aww heck," he muttered. "Go, Go, Gadget, Parachute!"New: The Baron gave a defiant wave to the crowd and placed his head on the block. The axe raised high in the air, and came whistling down towards his neck.
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Packer cracked a smile, his rancid breath entering the nostrils of Reg. "You got ninety-nine years?" he asked, pinning the much smaller and weaker Reg to the wall of the cell. "I got life. Looks like you and me has got lots of time to get acquainted, roomie."
"Looks like it's going to be a short life," said Reg, executing a perfect joint lock. "Unless you let me call you 'Sally.'"New:
The nomad was lost in the burning desert and it was a new, but terribly bad sensation for him. The waterhole had been here last season, and the one before that, and the one before that throughout his life. Now the waterhole was gone and he only had half a skin left. He looked up at the blazing sky and wondered where he'd get his next drink.
This is a flash fiction challenge in order to have some fun and start/keep our creativity flowing. You can be as serious or as goofy as you want in this.
First, answer the flash fiction above you with a deus ex machina. Then write your own flash fiction with an "impossible situation" for someone else to answer with their own deus ex machina.
Example flash fiction: The boy was stuck in the well. No one could hear him screaming and it looked like all hope was lost.
Example deus ex machina answer: And then The Doctor showed up with his T.A.R.D.I.S. and rescued the boy.
Start: The knight had been disarmed. His sword was five feet from him, and there was no way he'd reach it in time to parry. His opponent was swinging down on him.