Do you say NO often? Can you say NO often enough? :)

[Saiisha]

I know it's something we each need to learn along the way of growing into an adult - to take responsibility for our own yesses and nos, rather than accepting them from the society around us, because we've been taught to "be nice" or out of some obligatory sense of "respect"

I'd love to hear your take on this question!

[Barbara]

Saying "no" should be taught in childhood, but as parents, we don't ever want to hear our children tell us no, so it's not taught. I grew up a "pleaser" to parents and teachers and some "friends" whose personality was stronger than mine. I tried to make everyone else happy until I realized that it made me miserable. There is a delicate balance between helping others and taking time to be your authentic self. There are also nice ways to say "no" which still shows respect, but it's imperative to speak our own truth and sometimes that means saying no.

[Saiisha]

Barbara wrote: "Saying "no" should be taught in childhood, but as parents, we don't ever want to hear our children tell us no, so it's not taught. I grew up a "pleaser" to parents and teachers and some "friends" w..."

That's a great point Barbara!! Funny thing is that I've taught this to my son when he was young, but he was already being taught at school to "be nice" by getting rewarded for following what he's told and getting punished for not following. He's definitely more confident about speaking his truth now while still being respectful, but you're right - it's not easy if we're not teaching them early!!!

[Barbara]

Oh I'm so glad to hear that you are teaching him to say no! But yes, kids are rewarded for "being nice". This creates conflict from such a young age, but I guess it also lends itself to higher level thinking as the child then must think through the process and determine which action to follow. Good question! Not as clear cut as it first appears to be!

[Saiisha]

Barbara wrote: "Oh I'm so glad to hear that you are teaching him to say no! But yes, kids are rewarded for "being nice". This creates conflict from such a young age, but I guess it also lends itself to higher leve..."

YES! Every time we make the choice to go with our true self, versus the voice of society, the trust in our self gets stronger!!