Blurb feedback for sci-fi sequel

[R.A.]

Hi all,

I'm working on the blurb for the sequel to my debut novel. There's normally great advice in these topics so I thought I'd give it a shot!

Here's what I have so far. All feedback is welcome. The book is titled - PULSE: Moonlighter (a follow up to PULSE: The Trial)

Blurb:

When the most famous woman in the Universe goes missing, the PULSE Council summons every ship under their command to find her. Captain Zara and her famous crew must take the Moonlighter on a heart-racing journey across the stars and risk life and limb to find her.

Stella, still reeling from her torturous Trial, must overcome her fears or risk her nightmares derailing her career and possibly costing her life. Now the only Human aboard her ship, she quickly finds out just how alien her new crewmates are.

Finding themselves under siege by mercenaries, pursued by a pirate army, haunted by a mysterious energy creature and marooned on a ghost planet, the renowned Moonlighters might just have bitten off more than they can chew.

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Thanks!

[M.J.]

Hi Ryan.

The first part of the blurb is rather interesting and has me wondering what happens next. I want to know who is this famous lady and why is she wanted.

The other two parts however, seem detached from the first. How does Stella fit into the story? Is she the famous one? One of the crew of the Moonlighter?

Please don't get me wrong, I find the other two parts quite intriguing also, yet I can't place them together with the opening sequence.

Wish you all the best.

[G.G.]

Since it is a sequel and we have no idea of what happened in the first book, can you enlighten us with..,well...I won't say a resume because you don't want to give the punch but maybe the blurb would help us figure out if you say enough in this one.

Are any of these characters in the first book for instance. From this blurb, I am inclined to think that the famous woman goes missing at the end of the first book. Am I right?

Now for the blurb itself. I'd lose the second famous. I mean, they are going after the most famous woman in the universe, it seems a bit strange that Captain Zara has a famous crew also. Is everyone famous? :P (Sorry sad attempt at a joke here.)

Is Stella the most famous woman? Or is she with Captain Zara and the only human in a ship of disparate aliens? This part isn't clear enough. (Again, maybe if I'd have read the first book, I would understand but I haven't.)

The thing is, do you want only people who read the first book to pick up the second and read it? or would it be ok for someone to read it without insight on the first? If the latter is fine, then explain a bit more.

What confuses me is that we go from the Moonlighter, to Stella and back to the Moonlighter. So I am tempted to guess that Stella is with the crew of the Moonlighter.

I have no idea how you could fix this if she isn't. The potential readers need to know about what Stella is going through, but you have to make it clear whether she is with the Moonlighter or on her own ship.

IF Stella went missing at the end of the book, do the readers know where she is? The name of a planet for instance could be use here: Meanwhile on "insert planet name', still reeling from her torturous Trial, Stella must overcome her fears or risk her nightmares derailing her career and possibly costing her life.
This way we'd know for sure she isn't part of the 'famous' crew. :P

Sorry for being so long and probably repeating myself. Good luck with the blurb and your book.

[R.A.]

Thanks so much! I think you're both getting at something I hadn't really catered for much, that being audiences unfamiliar with the first book.

I've reworked it slightly to make the connect between Stella and the Moonlighter it a little more clear.

Blurb:

When the most famous woman in the Universe goes missing, the PULSE Council summons every ship under their command to find her. Captain Zara and her elite crew must take the Moonlighter on a heart-racing journey across the stars and risk life and limb to find her.


Stella, the ship’s newest and only Human crewmember, is still reeling from her torturous Trial. While still discovering just how alien her new crewmates are, she must overcome her fears or risk her nightmares derailing her career and even costing her life.


Finding themselves under siege by mercenaries, pursued by a pirate army, haunted by a mysterious energy creature and marooned on a ghost planet, the renowned Moonlighters might just have bitten off more than they can chew.

---------------

And so you see what I'm going for:
- Stella is the main and only surviving character from the first book.
- The last book ended with her being picked up by the Moonlighter
- Her first mission is with the Moonlighter is the rescue of the famous woman

[G.G.]

Wow! So much better! I love this blurb. You answered all my questions. Even if I didn't read the first book, I know that Stella is an important character in the book AND now I know she is with the Moonlighter. Great job!

[Tamir]

Hi,
By capitalizing Trial are you eluding to the first book? Also should Human be capitalized?
I would also revise this just a tad so if flows better:
While still discovering just how alien her new crewmates are, she must overcome her fears or risk her nightmares derailing her career and even costing her life.
It seems like your giving too much in one sentence.

Lastly, I would be disappointed if the final paragraph contained the entire plot sequence.

Maybe ask a question here like: Will the Monlighters survive...

The truth is if I picked up your book and read the blurb it as is, I would still take it home and read it. ***I'm just a regular person not an English major. ***

[Matt]

Ryan wrote: "Hi all,

I'm working on the blurb for the sequel to my debut novel. There's normally great advice in these topics so I thought I'd give it a shot!

Here's what I have so far. All feedback is welcom..."

Here is a thorough article on the subject: http://bit.ly/2f2DyC5