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[deleted user]
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Nov 02, 2016 01:38AM
I'm trying to overcome some things and hopefully share my story. Writing is and always will be my only ways of coping...and I suppose it would never hurt to make a habit of it.
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Today has been one of "those" days....I know we all have them.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday. It's been three years since he passed. I'm pretty sure the gap that I feel in my heart just gets bigger and bigger.
So, none of us knew he was just going to die....it just happened. Literally. One night, life was good. I was happy, we all were. Then I wake up to my light being turned on and a blood curdling scream.
I guess I just wonder why. Why at that time...why at all?
He was supposed to be here. To watch me graduate. To walk me down the aisle.
I went to the college he always wanted me to go to...I'm getting married. And I can't tell him.
It's just been one of those days.
But I know I can't quit. Not yet.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday. It's been three years since he passed. I'm pretty sure the gap that I feel in my heart just gets bigger and bigger.
So, none of us knew he was just going to die....it just happened. Literally. One night, life was good. I was happy, we all were. Then I wake up to my light being turned on and a blood curdling scream.
I guess I just wonder why. Why at that time...why at all?
He was supposed to be here. To watch me graduate. To walk me down the aisle.
I went to the college he always wanted me to go to...I'm getting married. And I can't tell him.
It's just been one of those days.
But I know I can't quit. Not yet.
Lambert wrote: "I'm sure he would have been proud."
Thank you, that means a lot to me.
Thank you, that means a lot to me.
So lately I've been in my mental breakdown state of mind...for the past two weeks the flashbacks have gotten worse and there seems to be more negative feelings constantly surrounding me.
Don't get me wrong..I love turkey and food, but I'm very glad that Thanksgiving has passed.
This Thanksgiving was so strange...I didn't get any sleep the night before because I couldn't close my eyes without everything flooding my mind.
I'm big on traditions. Every year we did the same thing or something similar during Thanksgiving. And I get it. People change. Stuff happens. It's always bothered me though...how quickly I was expected to accept everything and brush off any feeling of sadness and remain jubilant.
Unfortunately, after three years of holding it in...the flood gates collapsed.
So maybe that's why I'm having trouble...because I've held it in for so long and never let people know how I felt? Whatever the cause...I'm glad that Thanksgiving has passed along with the traditions that have been forgotten since my dad passed.
Don't get me wrong..I love turkey and food, but I'm very glad that Thanksgiving has passed.
This Thanksgiving was so strange...I didn't get any sleep the night before because I couldn't close my eyes without everything flooding my mind.
I'm big on traditions. Every year we did the same thing or something similar during Thanksgiving. And I get it. People change. Stuff happens. It's always bothered me though...how quickly I was expected to accept everything and brush off any feeling of sadness and remain jubilant.
Unfortunately, after three years of holding it in...the flood gates collapsed.
So maybe that's why I'm having trouble...because I've held it in for so long and never let people know how I felt? Whatever the cause...I'm glad that Thanksgiving has passed along with the traditions that have been forgotten since my dad passed.
On a happier note...Toy Story is on TV right now.
Isn't it crazy how smells or weather can be such a large source of nostalgia?
I love when I go outside and the temperature is "just right." It immediately triggers different memories for me. It's so neat.
Isn't it crazy how smells or weather can be such a large source of nostalgia?
I love when I go outside and the temperature is "just right." It immediately triggers different memories for me. It's so neat.
