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I suppose you think that's punny.
message 51:
by
B J
(new)
Oct 14, 2016 03:35PM
I think my dyslexia is getting worse. I suspect it's just hit a new owl.
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Fancy a friend trying to ruffle your feathers. I'm glad you didn't get in a flap about it. You should send him a bill, but someone like that would probably duck out of paying. Speaking of birds, there's a lady of loose morals lives down the road, who's reputed to enjoy a cockatoo.
I passed her house the other day and there were two men outside arguing about who shoud go in. one man said, "It's my tern."
The other insisted, "It's my flamin'go!"
My sister thinks I've made off with one of her kitchen utensils. It's a whisk I was prepared to take.
They sound a right pair Chris - I'd heard that after they'd visited that house of ill repute - that they left with more than they went in with..... robin sods!!!
What a pair of thieving magpies. As an old work colleague once said, they should lock them up and throw away the door!
Was that door made of wood, Pigeon? (just one of my little pet names for you!)
At least you're not nagging. I know a man who's henpecked. Conversely, I know a woman who used to be too. Until she put a stop to it, her husband would peck 'er head.
Well that wasn't nice - I bet he's a right grouse!
Yes, but he ended up as a jail-bird. What a tit!
I bet he was a pheasant plucker.
Dr. Spooner thought so. In fact, he filled his sole with hope.
I have a phobia of negative numbers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
........but that was after the female mechanic's apprentice showed him her tool kits.
It's a genuine spoonerism. I introduced a friend as being in the Royal Arse Hortillery.
"Fire Truck" shouted the lady of the night!!
When my wife became a vegan I saw a side of her I hadn't seen in herbivore.
I like the sound of 'Pudding on the Ritz'.
Yes - strange though - it's usually cheese that gets put on Ritz!!
Anything with a honey caramel rum sauce is fine with me!
T4bsF (Call me Flo) wrote: "Yes - strange though - it's usually cheese that gets put on Ritz!!"You're crackers, Flo.
(Ronnie Barker: Your nuts M'lord? Your sweet M'lady?)
I know - I even Pea Nuts!!!
Do you have to shell out for those? My wife and I are very keen on house facades... we're wall nuts. In fact I'm looking at one now but she isn't. I had a peek an' she didn't.
You're lucky she didn't get you hijacked to Brazil!!
I did. They beat me black & blue. Even the wife got beaten. They gave her the full Brazillian wacks!
Delivered by Army personnel??? What rank? the Kernel perhaps!!
No. It was a major beating. Corporal punishment in general terms, although it took place in private. I had to marshall all my resources to survive it.
It would have to be a sour gent that would do that to you.
Did you hear about the transvestite from Lancashire, he had a Wigan address.
The world's most suited gays...... Herbert Fitzroy and Roy Fitzherbert. ;-)
The Scottish gays - Ben Doon and Phil McAvity.
Do you mean Phil the gay Dentist?
And there was the brother and sister, Ben Dover and Eileen Dover.
.....their Aunty was the forestry lady - Theresa Green!
Gingerlilly! Are you hinting that Flo is scraping the bottom of the barrel? WIth that particular pickle merchcant though, it's very black humour!
Anyway, the guy in the picture looks quite happy at his barrel-scraping achievement. If you look closely, you can see he's quite cock-a-hoop!
In a similar vein (pun intended)..."Government launches crackdown on lap dancing venues"
Don't believe me? Check out the caption under the picture in the Evening Standard...
http://www.standard.co.uk/news/govern...
My Aunty was a tap dancer - but she kept falling off into the sink...... what?? - oh, lap dancer - sorry - misread!!!
Tap? Sink? Plumbing the depths again, Flo? When I got up this morning, there was a tap on my door... I really must sack that plumber.
And I like plumbing jokes, so don't tell me to pipe down.
Come on, Flo, get the lead out and hit me with plumbers or electrician puns.
Our electrician is a real live wire but the plumber is a drip.
Lynne (Tigger's Mum) wrote: "Our electrician is a real live wire but the plumber is a drip."And the carpenter has a screw loose.
The only lekky I know is a bright spark, but he's got blood pressure problems and he's sure to blow his fuse box one day.
Gingerlily - Mistress Lantern wrote: "Lynne (Tigger's Mum) wrote: "Our electrician is a real live wire but the plumber is a drip."And the carpenter has a screw loose."
He wood, woodn't he! Is he a plane looking chap? No, don't tell me, it could be a saw point for him. I saw him drilling lots of holes in a plank yesterday. It looked a boring job. He said he was looking forward to his holidays; he couldn't wait to get on the beech.
You're on a roll there Chris! Is it a swiss roll?
Yep, the puns are coming easy today. Piece of cake really!
What's that ya said Ma deira?
I'm wiping my tears of laughter with a sponge.
Well that's not difficult - in fact it's quite simnel
