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What is it with wealthy men and their starter wives?
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Tara Woods Turner
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Aug 27, 2016 12:13PM
It has almost become the expected thing. An ambitious man climbs his way to the top only to divorce the first wife and find someone substantially younger and often, considered to be thinner and prettier, though not necessarily smarter. Do wealthy men lack a sensitivity chip? Do they see wives as partners or accessories that require an uptrade for a newer model as the bank account grows? Is it worth it for a serious woman to even date a certain type of millionaire/billionaire?
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Not sure I, as an author frequently criticized for lack of strong female characters in my billionaire books, is the right person to address this issue, nor I'm sure I can observe political correctness here, but it's too cool a topic to ignore-:) So yeah, among many excellent features you'd discover in super-successful ppl 'sensitivity' is probably a rare commodity. It's usually a drawback in that league. A new model is an attempt to solve the dissonance of a super new car, jet and 'old' wife. Kinda looks contradictory. And btw a younger husband model scenario may also take place...
They don't need partners, but they need accessories...
As of whether to date and involve - shall depend on a prenup's wording -:)
Personally I think the wealth just clouds their better judgment. They start to think that they're better than they were before the money (as if money magically makes you a better person). In truth the money makes them worse. They become shallow and gravitate to likewise shallow people. I mean how else do you explain the young ladies motivation if not shallow?Or it's just the old fallacy of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.
The grass is greener where you water it! So how to explain why they often keep loyal partners and business associates who were with them from the beginning?
I have to admit I fell into this. Though, it wasnt for the normal reasons that women expect. Together for 10, married for 8 with 2 years of counseling. Things didn't work and didn't seem that they were going to. I wasn't wealthy but I was okay. She deserved better than me. I knew if I stuck around her life would have been made much worse by me especially if we had kids. So before the kids arrived, it was time to move on. I wanted her to be happy.
I gave her everything except my clothes, I took all of the debt and moved out. I started dating a 19 yr old model (16 yrs younger than me at the time) and that lasted for close to a year before I met my current wife, who Ive been with for 10 yrs and is only 5 years younger than me.
Sometimes your first choice is not always the best choice. Marriages dont have editors unfortunately.
I say bravo to your honesty, compassion and self-awareness!
Tara wrote: "The grass is greener where you water it! So how to explain why they often keep loyal partners and business associates who were with them from the beginning?"Maybe it's just societal pressures; they do it because they think it's expected of them?
Tara wrote: "I say bravo to your honesty, compassion and self-awareness!"Thank you. I still loved her deeply. Even as her attorney was taking my deposition he remarked that he couldnt understand why we were getting divorced. She was/is a terrific woman and she deserved everything she wanted in life, I just wasnt the kind of guy to give her exactly what she wanted.
Could it be that, now that they are filthy rich, some of these new millionaire men think that they can now be more 'choosy', with big money making it supposedly easier to pick up top beauties? That could be especially the case for rich men who only want a nice sex partner and 'social decoration' by their side.
I think you nailed it! Beauty as commodity.
I think you nailed it! Beauty as commodity.
Michael wrote: "I have to admit I fell into this..... I started dating a 19 yr old model (16 yrs younger than me at the time) ..."I'm not sure you describe 'falling' of any kind. It's not that you divorced with the purpose to find someone younger..... If you are single or divorced, you can choose any partner to date and hang out with. Whatever above minor is legit.
Tara wrote: "I think you nailed it! Beauty as commodity."BTW, the behaviour you describe is attributed mostly to super-rich or bohemians, but I can't be sure that at least some others wouldn't want it too, but can't afford the commodity -:) Cynical, I know, yet may be true..
And you still need two for tango. It's not uncommon when young ladies/men choose wealth and comfort as their top priority over romanticism -:)
Michel wrote: "Could it be that, now that they are filthy rich, some of these new millionaire men think that they can now be more 'choosy', with big money making it supposedly easier to pick up top beauties? That..."I agree Michael, and they get a lot of opportunities coming their way as wealth and fame seem to be a big draw - do people still speak of gold-diggers these days? An old friend of mine had a date with a famous musician years ago, and she told me that for the entire evening there were several attempts by other women to elbow her out the way - sometimes literally! She couldn't be bothered to go an a second date with him.
Some billionaires go after chicks who can make them more money, greedy as they come.
Nik wrote: I'm not sure you describe 'falling' of any kind. It's not that you divorced with the purpose to find someone younger..... If you are single or divorced, you can choose any partner to date and hang out with. Whatever above minor is legit. Well that's my point of view. Im sure my ex-wife had a different opinion. According to several of our mutual friends, she actually showed them photos of my new younger GF after we separated and asked them "see who he left me for?" In her mind, I was "trading" her in on a new, younger model, even though that was not my intent. And even my current wife worries that I will do the same to her someday. So as men, we can see this in one way, but women see it completely different.
And since this was a thread started by a woman, its really her POV that counts...
I'm a total suck for wealthy buggers. And, no, not cuz of their bank balance. I've been with men when during start-ups and trust me, we had nothing but red in our accounts. I couldn't care less. It's just that driven, can-do, will-do-or-die-trying mentality that drives me freakin' wild!I need my men to be bigger than me, better than me and waaay more alpha than me. I NEED them to always be in the driver's seat cuz that's sexy as all (view spoiler) So, yeah, they always end up making A LOT more money than me in the long run. That's exactly how I like it. However...
I've never had a man leave me after he's become "successful". I may not be the prettiest or most trophy-wife-shaped a.k.a. hourglass ^_~ but that has zero correlation to the fact that I'm an invaluable and irreplaceable asset in any relationship (that's just my ego talking LMAO!!)
Hmm. This probably ain't gonna make me popular but I don't believe it's always a case of men "upgrading." Many a time, I think it's simply a case of ending up on different pages. When highschool sweethearts break up, nobody bats an eyelash. They just grew up and drifted apart, right? Well, this is no different in my eyes. Honestly, sometimes the ladies just can't keep up with their men, that's all.
Wealthy men are a totally different breed altogether. I think it just takes a different type of woman to handle them. I'd argue that she needs to be a bit of a beast herself to stand beside him and not behind him.
Okay, I'm not even rereading that cuz I probably should delete 1/2 my thoughts haha!
*hits send*
Annie wrote: "I'm a total suck for wealthy buggers. And, no, not cuz of their bank balance. I've been with men when during start-ups and trust me, we had nothing but red in our accounts. I couldn't care less. It..."Nice!
Annie I certainly agree that people have to be compatible no matter how much or how little money they have in the bank. I think my problem is when money is the only factor that separates a couple after the dollar amounts begin to grow. In other words if a woman is good enough to love and married and raise your children how do you justify getting rid of her because you've got wayyy more zeroes in the bank now also, Annie, I know you would never be with someone who didn't respect you for your intelligence and independent spirit, even if he was a billionaire LOL. But some women are OK with being treated like an accessory like a new car or a bottle of wine or a fun painting. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. I think at the end of the day these women are lucky because they were with men who were shallow and immoral and it's better to find this out sooner than later. I say is if money was the only reason that the separation occurs. Also these men don't realize how ridiculous they look with much younger women Unfortunately her youth doesn't complement his age it emphasizes it. But I guess it's OK as long as other man look on with jealousy? Maybe that's the whole point?
Hmm. I see what you mean about money seeming like the only factor. But I'm not convinced it's always as it appears from the outside. There's often (I'd say always) a different mentality and attitude that comes with shooting for the moon. I think this is an attractive trait in general so lots of people are drawn to it. But I'm not sure they're ready for what it entails.When I was dating one of my exes (also scrumptiously delicious haha), ALL my friends were like, "I can't believe you put up with that" and "you're so tolerant" because he would always be on the road, working crazy hours and canceling plans last minute. You know what, though? The same people (both girls and guys) would gush over the dude's vehicles and home and the trips we went on. Well, you can't have it both ways, kiddos. That's just not how life works. Oh, and for the record, I wasn't all that impressed by ANY of his material belongings. Whatevs. I have better taste in cars anyway *smirks*
Anyhoo, if a woman finds alpha money sexy, then she's gotta be willing to take all that comes with it. You can't take a wealthy man and then ask him to act in a different way than what got him there in the first place. He just can't do it. And if he tried, I'd lose respect for him.
And OMG, just yesterday this girl was complaining to me that her man (my friend) was neglecting her for the gym. Umm. 1) He's worked out daily since I've known him and 2) Do you like his body? Yeah, you do? Then stop whining like a little (view spoiler).
Okay, now I'm talking gibberish. Stopping now haha!
Any I adore your stories LOL. Let me just say thisThe situations you are talking about our ones in which I actually agree with you. There's nothing more annoying than a woman who loves the lifestyle that hard work can give you but resents the fact that her partner has to work hard to get it. What?? How do you think he got the lifestyle? You loved him because he was ambitious but now you want him to change just to babysit you at home instead of following his dreams? Get out of here LOL.
But seriously though. My problem is with men who have a good woman by their sides while they are making the money and climbing the ladder and these women are supportive, loving, strong as nails and definitely Alpha females in their own right. They sacrifice like crazy and help the man get to the top and they believe in his dreams as much as he does. However, when he reaches his goals instead of both of them enjoying the rewards he suddenly finds she is no longer useful and he goes for the yacht girl or the snow bunny.he fights her tooth and nail over the divorce settlement and gives her only what the courts mandate but he showers his new college girlfriend, lingerie model with trips abroad, jewelry and shopping spree's. I just don't get it.
Tara wrote: "[stuff describing douchebags]"Those are just douchebags ^_~
I met this crazily sexy man last year who'd just left his wife of 5-ish (I think?) years. He owns a contracting company and travels all the time, while she stays home. No work. No kids. She USED to accompany him everywhere but hey, it's not exactly the most glamorous lifestyle to follow your man around on work sites, eh?
Well, he divorced her and gave her everything she asked for, including 1/2 of his net worth including every penny he earned before they ever even met. I asked him why he chose to do this. Wanna know what he said? Because money's not important. I can always make more.
Yeah, did I mention that he's crazily sexy? *smirks*
I also met another very attractive man last year who went through this weird mid-late life crisis when he turned fifty. Divorced his beautiful wife (whom I adore) and bought a freakin' Corvette in the same week. Now, if this was play money, go for it. But it wasn't play money. He NEEDED it to retire. He's an idiot. I told him that. Plus, he tried to get in my pants. Both before and after he left his wife. Yeah, no. Not gonna happen, buddy.
#LoyaltyIsEverything #DoucebagsExist #IDontEvenLikeCorvettes
Fist bump Annie!! Loyalty is everything!!!
LOL so gross! Proof that douche bags can be rich or poor :-) my husband is not a millionaire so I don't have to worry LOL although he does have dimples...
How about this following historical example? John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. Yes, both came from affluent/rich families and didn't marry for the money, but poor Jackie soon enough became little more than a political decoration for John, who merrily went around collecting women as a senator, then as a president. After John was assassinated in November 1963, Jackie remarried five years later at the age of 39...with a 62 year-old rich Greek shipping magnate (Aristote Onassis). Did she marry him for love? I doubt so!
@Mr Eldon: *double fist bump* Yeahhhh! @Miss Tara: You wanna laugh? I actually like (view spoiler) quite a bit as a person and find him very physically attractive. But that just doesn't do anything. It's all about character, ya know?
@Mr Michel: Hmm. I'm a fan of older men too. It's still all about love, though...
^_~
Take these awesome hugs,
Ann
Hi everyone! My two cents ....and a suggestion for widening the scope ...Suppose we were to write about them in our stories. We know all about him, so I won't go into details: he is successful, he is rich, he is finding himself at the top of the world after fighting hard to get there. Ok, well done my Alpha character.
But here you meet her, and it's on her I want to focus. She is far younger than him, attractive at the very least. Smart or not smart will only be a choice driven by the role she'll have in our story: not important now.
But what I am really wondering is: such a beauty is really single and available? Is she just the appointed victim of our rich main character? Or is she also engaged? And engaged in what? In a relationship or in her own struggle to climb the social ladder?
And if she is climbing ... are we sure she is playing fair :-)?
Ok, enough with making-up stories. The topic is of interest and I just wanted to point out that, as someone else has said, you need two for tango, and maybe it really does boil down to matching changing personalities.
Buona giornata
If anyone Mary's for any reason other than the love I just don't know how to understand that concept even though it happens every day. Now the reasons people remain married a very different course but if we're talking about a connection or relationship shouldn't it at least be based on love first? So even though that love will go away over time there should at least be an attempt at marital honor, no?It is not a foregone conclusion that a younger woman necessarily is a gold digger or has this honorable intentions. As Annie stated some women are just attracted to older men.
Tara wrote: " If anyone Mary's for any reason other than the love I just don't know how to understand that concept even though it happens every day. ..."I think we have here a few themes in one. First, it's probably more rare, but we have sufficient examples of successful ladies choosing younger models, Madonna comes to mind as well as Pugacheva - Russian 'Madonna', who married a 35 years old guy, when being 62.
My most vivid memory from visiting a night club in Mombasa, Kenya (apart from cool music and fun), was seeing quite a few older European women with young local guys.
Yes, there is probably a mental gap between people of different generations, but I personally think there is nothing wrong dating younger/older man/woman, if your marital status and bank statement allow that-:) And I'm sure many envy! After all it would be kind of strange to say, for example, lesbian couples are cool, but age difference isn't.
A friend of mine living in China tells that love is rarely a factor for marriages there. He might be exaggerating or generalizing, but he says that whatever crush a couple may have, a girl would never ever marry anyone who doesn't have an apartment. He describes the marriage there as more of a contract rather than anything else. Different culture and tradition.
Now with super-rich ditching their wives, once becoming resoundly successful - it does sound immoral. It's a betrayal. The reasons might be multiple though. Their marriage may just run out of steam... But then again some of these people are on ego-trips where they care less about anything. Money and success blind them. They would ditch their wives, never pick up the phone to their childhood friends, treat as garbage subordinates and so on. And many become very cynical at those levels. On the other hand you have a lot of examples of long lasting marriages among those....
Tim wrote: "I don't know why guys marry women in the first place. It's never occurred to me - don't get me wrong! I've been in love - many times. Met two women who I could only describe as my other half - soul..."Don't pine away. I'm sure some nice woman is waiting for you somewhere. You need to spread your wings a bit and find her.
Nik wrote: "Tara wrote: " If anyone Mary's for any reason other than the love I just don't know how to understand that concept even though it happens every day. ..."I think we have here a few themes in one. ..."
I other words, people don't care.
Tara wrote: "As Annie stated some women are just attracted to older men."Just for the record, I'm talking about a decade older, maybe 15 years max. I ain't no gold digger. And I ain't no grave digger either.
No offence to grave-dwellers ^_~
@Mr Tim: Sexually aggressive doesn't necessarily equate to faithless.
I've never cheated in my life. Not even a kiss. That's just a pansy dick move.
If a man doesn't please, then you leave. Simple as that. I'm not a fan of women (or men) who passively "look" for something else. Sorry, but if you're gonna look, have the balls to do it on your own.
Shrugs and hugs,
Ann
TimI think you could funnel your experiences into some very provocative and expressive fiction or poetry. Infidelity is not unequal between the sexes. Women have less socioeconomic reasons to remain chained to the double standards of convention. I certainly do not condone cheating but the playing field is more or less equal. As for sexual aggression I think it is not so much aggression as it is confidence and a knowledge of what one wants.
Totally agree with Annie. Put your big girl or big boy panties on and deal. Fix the problem or make a clean break.
Tim wrote: "Mehreen wrote: Don't pine away. I'm sure some nice woman is waiting for you somewhere. You need to spread your wings a bit and find her. Hardly pining. I think there's two types of men. There's m..."
Lol! No one's twisting anything. Like I said spread your wings a bit further out of your comfort orbit.
Tim wrote: "There's men that do as they're told and there's men that don't. The men that don't are single... Simple as..."You have to move. For reals.
No kidding, eh, Miss Mehreen? Heck, I haven't dated a puppy-dog type since I was 16 years old. No joke. I love men who challenge me and show me how it's done. As long as they're not all talk, of course haha!
Annie wrote: "No kidding, eh, Miss Mehreen? Heck, I haven't dated a puppy-dog type since I was 16 years old. No joke. I love men who challenge me and show me how it's done. As long as they're not all talk, of ..."
What are you doing Ann? Get going. Time will not not be on your side forever, you know.
Tim wrote: "I don't know why guys marry women in the first place. ..."In a sense it's a social pressure and no one has to.
But usually it's kinda assumed to be the best medium for having kids and stuff like that -:)
It connects to the basic questions of our existence of the meaning of life and our purpose.
Some people indeed can enjoy their eternal independence to the max and never regret having no family, while others do want relationship, kids and all.
Should be an open-eye decision based on your own knowledge of yourself, not something left purely for a chance... Just my opinion
Nik wrote: "Tim wrote: "I don't know why guys marry women in the first place. ..."In a sense it's a social pressure and no one has to.
But usually it's kinda assumed to be the best medium for having kids and..."
Love and marriage both entail sacrifice. If people are not willing to do it, then better they remain single. But they would be pinning away for such emotions that hold humans/ life in general in such strong grips.
One needs to fall in love, have a 'soul mate' to become a real writer.
Tim wrote: "I see my problem as fairly unique in that I was conceived a twin. My twin was born premature and didn't survive and I was born with two afterbirths. I have been told that twins that lose a twin spend their whole life seeking their other half...."It's a sad story. Yet that's a reasonable expectation to find a 'soul mate' even without a tragedy in the background.
My own observations are that above certain age let's say 35-40 it becomes much harder to develop relationships, because you grow to become an accomplished person much less flexible to adapt even a little to have a relationship. And one becomes much less passionate and excited. After all, after some adulthood years - 'you've been there, done it all'. One doesn't need to change drastically, but some consideration, care and adaptation for another person is still required.
Harder, but not impossible! And it's a question of priorities - whether one sees him/herself as a loner and content with it in the long run, or would opt for a family. If the answer is the latter - then it's definitely worth effort and some extra miles...
I don't mean your situ, just sharing my observations about my own just- married, past-married and single friends at 40+ category -:)
Tara wrote: "LOL so gross! Proof that douche bags can be rich or poor :-) my husband is not a millionaire so I don't have to worry LOL although he does have dimples..."Exactly, I don't think wealth has anything to do with it. My 2nd great grandfather born in NC, moved to southern Georgia for most of his life throughout the 19th century. He was married to one women through the 1850 census, then shows up married to another in the 1860 census, but it seems the first wife survives until the end of the century.
A 3rd great grandfather on a parallel line, haven't found him on the census, but stories from others who have done research point to evidence that he just up and disappeared from his wife and children early in the marriage - left them in GA and ran off to Tennessee only to show up once more toward the end of their lives.
Can't speak for why this was, but what I've seen is that this more commonplace in the South in the 19th century then we imagine - and these weren't rich plantation owners, but poor, illiterate farmers.
Starter wives = creating a family and stability (sex, companionship) in order to concentrate on building wealth and success. Wife #2 = status symbol to the world, and an attempt to turn back the clock (appear younger, "feel" younger, establish new friendships and connections). Some men appreciate this partner and work to keep the relationship, some don't, depending on the psychology of the man.
I think there is a huge misconception here that its only men that cause the demise of the marriage to the starter wife, as Nadia calls her. My "starter wife" was also a career woman. She frequently traveled, payed little attention to the marriage or me and was for the most part more of a partner than a friend and lover. She was relatively the same age. She was a great partner though, if I was looking for such. We would have been very wealthy.
The model GF after the separation from the wife was more family oriented, more willing to be a friend and lover and generally more supportive of my career.
I think its an incorrect assumption to make that the starter wives are always the ones that are more supportive.
My current wife is extremely supportive of my career, how I travel and generally is most supportive woman I have ever met. Part of my writing is that I will be living in Italy 25% of the year. She has no issue with that. My first wife would have divorced me on the spot if I told her I was moving to Italy 4 months of the year and she was going to stay in the US.
Sometimes the 2nd wife is the better wife, whether she's younger, prettier and more eye candy than the first. It is possible to have it all in one person.
J.J. wrote: "Exactly, I don't think wealth has anything to do with it. My 2nd great grandfather born in NC, moved to southern Georgia for most of his life throughout the 19th century. He was married to one women through the 1850 census, then shows up married to another in the 1860 census, but it seems the first wife survives until the end of the century."I agree too, J.J. and Tara - I was surprised to learn that bigamy amongst the poorer sections of society was also very common in Britain in the past, at a time when divorce was hard to obtain and very expensive. Divorce was only an option for the rich and even then it had a huge stigma attached. Until very recently divorced people were excluded from the presence of the British monarch, though that is no longer the case; especially as three of the present queen's children have been divorced.
