Detailed Roleplayers discussion
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ƤƐƦɱɪɲɪʗ and [L.A.N.A.]
message 1:
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ν1ятυα
(new)
Jun 30, 2016 06:20AM
Hello!
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Heyo! Where do you want to start off?
You want to start off making characters?
Yea sure! Let's just make it simple
You can use any kind of format
name; smudge theodore zane
age; 17 yrs
appearance; ]im on mobile ill give it to you later[
personality; ambivert. risk taker. mildly schizophrenic. demiromantic/homoromantic
]demiromantic means that you need to have an emotional bond to before starting to get feelings. Pretty much when u start getting to know the person more, you then like them[
I'm sorry I'm out of state at the moment so I won't reply til later
Name: Oliver Riley Age:18
Appearance: http://67.media.tumblr.com/7db817ad1b...
Personality:To Be Rp'ed
Height: 6'1"
Nice! :3 Should we start? Or you want to say some requirements?
I'll be sorta busy it depends on the day.
In August I'll be a little bit more busy
Like requirements like no sex or stuff like that man
Yeah we can start and I don't really have any requirements. I can do sex and whatever, thats fine with me.
I'm not really interested in M rated ish but making out is fine with me So who should start first? It's fine by me if I go first
Maybe we should decide where to start
Have any ideas?
alright that's fine with meas for starting I think it would be best if they just met? Like where they find out they're roommates or something?
Hm, alright no prob Maybe a counselor does the roster first and a cliche icebreaker and they end up being partners for it? And maybe it'd be cuter if they weren't roommates and would risk going out to eachother at the night maybe?? .-.
Alright! I like role playing on a certain device (CP) but I don't have it rn But, I like doing 5+ paragraphs usually
So I'll post in like 2 hours
Alright that's fine I do the same thing XD
Yes I knew my name was Smudge and I knew where I was coming from and who I was. But to be exact a summer camp with other guys and girls wasn't the best idea. For I was just.. What you called a Smudge. I knew I was fucking around with you because I'm a huge ambivert. Random note but because we were doing the ice breaker and being a huge gay I am -Hah, in case you didn't know- I was feeling well, like a total pile of... Introvert and shy. Yet, I did take my schizophrenia pills. Yet I always feel uneasy, mysterious and risky when I'm a introvert.
So here it was. June 15th, 2017... Washington, Friday Harbour. An island right by the side of a endless ocean, that is.
Sitting down and with the weather, well indescribably for the first time... sunny. There was an obvious amount of too much talking. I was sitting on a log staring at a boy that had no interest to me but his his awkward expression.
"So, campers, we are obviously going to start with an icebreaker in case you've been living under a rock, well, cause, this stuff is already cliché enough."
She took a pause.
Speaking of cliché, don't people usually find inseparable love during camp. Well that is other lives, so I guess I wasn't destined.
Oh shit, wait, that's what people in movies who are really single say and then end up falling in love.
"So I'll pair you up in a "random" enough order. First, stand in line and then I do the 1 and 2 and then once that happens find a partner in your 1 group of 2 group."
I got up stretching still looking like a small ant. And I then went on line towards the end to the left. The talking then lowered and I ended up next to on my right a really blonde guy with too much muscle making me feel uncomfortable enough and then to my left an emo girl. Great.
The counselor then counted down the line as I breathed slowly as for the muscular guy stretched and I ended up blushing. I proceeded to scratch my face to not get his attention.
"1,2,1,2,1,2,1 and 2. What's your name?"
I glared a little. "Smudge?..."
"The second to last one always has a weird name. Like some weird pattern. Happens every year."
I sighed. Too much information. Doesn't mean anything, lady.
"Well, here is 1." She pointed around to the small lake.
"And here is 2." She pointed around a area with wood benches.
I made my way quickly and sat down in the corner of the group of benches. Making me look more undesirable because, well I had a glare on my face. I can only handle reasonable people for now.
I guess I do too get stubborn when I feel introverted.
I waited seeing waves of smiles. In only 20 seconds it seems everyone was paired except for one guy man.
I smiled a little. He looked lost and socially awkward. Cute.
So, what should I do?
Just stare at him with my head titled to the side resting on my shoulder?
Or... Just say. "Hey goner." Or maybe... "I'm losing my patience here." And then give him a wink.
Or just maybe a smile. One of my best smile.
Hmm, he looked lost and boring. So I'll go with... goner.
I sighed and then raised my voice.
"Hey.. Goner." I said in a calm voice and my finger was stroking my jawline.
I saw him turn around with.. Well? A certain face that was indescribable for what I was expecting.
I hate my parents so much right now.Instead of hanging out with my friends at home,like I planned to do several months before (in front of my parents I'll add) I was at a camp. Camp Something or whatever to be exact but the name wasn't the problem, it was the fact that I was at camp when I clearly told my parents what I had planned to do over the summer.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. We forgot all about it." Yeah sure, when did you forget? The second you saw the damn application and signed me up? I was close to exploding, I really was but at the look of genuine sadness and regret on both of their faces stopped me dead in my tracks and had me succumbing to their every wish because that's me; Oliver the pushover Riley. Just give him the look of a dying puppy and he'll practically throw himself into lava just to make you happy!
Just the thought of how I handled that made me want to hurl but I kept my face schooled into one of indifference. This time, there would be no pushing over. For once in my life I was going to make a stand and actually say no for once and let people know that I'm the real one in charge! No more of this "Sweetie can you do this?" "Kiddo can you get that?" and "Hey man, can you help me with this?" I am no longer going to-
"Okay, Oliver was it? You're one so can you go sit over there?"
"Sure." Fucking hell, Oliver. I tried not to cringe on the outside as I walked over to a bench and sat and tried not to look like I was going to rip off anyone's (or my own) head. Already I was off to a bad start, but then again this was a counselor, so I'm technically in the okay, right? I said that I was trying to stop letting myself be pushed around not become an anarchist or something.
I was lost in the maze and chaos of my own foiled plan that I didn't realize someone was behind me until they said something that I didn't quite catch. I turned around, awaiting to see a mean face or a really preppy rich face and was instead stunned by a boyish face looking back at me. Gorgeous to say the least and several other compliments that fit alongside the gorgeous range. The face belonged to a dude, a cute dude that looked so calm and so damn fine that I was certain that if I didn't have any self control (or a brain for that matter) I would be on the ground drooling. However, I was certain that my face was still placed in that cool calm so I kept it like that as I nodded and gestured to the seat across from me. "Hey, I'm Oliver."
...Hey,I'm Oliver? HEY, I'M OLIVER?! I was going to bash my head in as soon as he left from my table because I was ready to end it all after that crappy response. I cleared my throat and looked around,seeing people both awkwardly and excitedly talking and realized that we should be doing something along that lines. I turned back to the other guy with my brows raised high. "Uh, what are we supposed to be doing,actually?"
This was going off to a terrible terrible start.
Hey, I'm Oliver. I laughed a little inside. Yet, something so clueless is coming to me. I never realized an eye would shine so bright like his eyes too. There was so much hidden and unspoken. I felt so out of place. I'm pretty sure I had a visible booger in my nose and my hair wasn't neat or rough enough. And... My hands were too dirty if I ever were... Well, to touch him.
I had a desire to know him better, I know that. Of course, obviously.
I always smell like peanut butter too. I remember people would make fun of me for that. Especially because this kid in my 5th grade class was just.. Well, cringey and a fail. He would always eat peanut butter and always had smothered peanut butter on his cheek everyday.
"Look! They should just marry each other! Charlie and Smudge sitting in a tree! k-i-s-s-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage!"
Then some tall kid would push me towards Charlie.
"Hah! Look at them gays! YOUR GONNA GO TO HELL WITH HITLER!"
I would shut my eyes tight and scream until I couldn't hear anything.
"Now remember Smudge, teach them you're a eagle. Bold and powerful." Mama said as she would brush my tears and caress my hair while on my bed.
And yet, since then I still smell like peanut butter. I hate it. Truly, I'm not lying.
I then blinked again and again looking back at Oliver. I tried to put my best smile and sparkle in my eye. Hah, gaylord.
I looked around and I felt his stare sink into me. I love it.
"Well..." I smiled a little more. "Oliv, tell me something I would never know about you." I paused and glanced at the ground as my hair covered my eye a little. I then looked back up at him. "Or a risky game of.. Truth or Truth." I lowered my voice and made it a little raspy leaning forward to him still on my bench.
"Your choice, goner."
(sorry if i don't respond quickly and it short .-.)
I was thinking of ways to die, really I was. Considering the fact that the councelors were all busy I was certain that I would be able to get away with it too and there would be no witnesses...well unless you count the cute guy seated across from me but I was sure that after my little embarrassment he wouldn't care in the slightest. Maybe...kind of, it would be a traumatizing thing to see though.Once again I was snapped away from my thoughts when he spoke and goddamn, I nearly shivered at the smooth rasp of his voice, the way his hair seemed to shine in the sun and flop over one eye and- Christ, I was acting like a lovestruck girl. Chill out, Oliver. Stay cool and stop being a cringy dork for god's sake.
I gulped, feeling heat rise to my cheeks and I quickly looked down at my hands, fiddling and twisting them in my hand as I tried to keep calm and not turn into a complete jackass in front of this guy. "U-Uh, something you wouldn't know about me? Well, I'd have to think about that-" Oh my god, I need to stuff something down my throat. I sound like a fucking idiot...well I always do but this time it's more so than usual and I hate it. I wracked my brain for anything that was really important or worth telling about myself. I'm a major pushover? No, he'd found out about that soon enough? I really hate my existence? No, way too deep and again he'll find that out by himself.
"I'm allergic to blueberries." I found myself saying finally and then froze. Like literally froze. Oliver.exe had stopped working and at the rate I was going with myself I was never going to work again because this was it. I buried my face into my hands for a second before looking up at the gorgeous boy that I was ruining my entire life for. "Please just end me because I'm already digging a grave for myself as you can see." And it was getting bigger and bigger with each breath I took. This was worse than when I had to introduce myself in middle school and I peed my pants because I was so nervous- well actually nothing can be worse than that moment because I'm pretty sure that's what set me up for failure in life. 100% sure that's what set me up for failure in my life and what has led me to become that wreck that I am today.
"I'm really sorry," I said,trying to look at everywhere but him right now. "I'm just...really nervous and really upset because I don't want to be here but now I kind of do but I'm still really mad at my parents for dragging me here and I really suck at speaking to people even if it's just one person and now I'm telling you my entire life story which is making everything worse so if you would just please kill me right now that would be great." I rambled, feeling my face burn hotter and hotter until I was certain that in a few seconds I would be getting a heatstroke.
(It's alright don't worry about it.)
Oliv looked so delicate... I knew that but it was such an astonishment. His features would already be a whole new world next to his personality. Well, incredibly cute I would say.
As he continued to complain, well in a completely cute way in my... opinion. Hopefully my opinion is in the majority, because you would be blind to not call him cute. Would he be mad that I think he's cute when he's stressed? Do I usually think that? Am I good person?
I heard Oliv rant and rant and I started zoning out. I then started to thinking about what happens after the icebreaker. I could give him a note to meet me by the lake at night or I'll surprise him in a good way. Or maybe like pretend to be straight and then last minute hold his hand and romantically say something. Or maybe I could make a friend and invite him to watch a show and then we prank someone and we eventually have to wait in the forest and it's really quiet but romantic. Or we play man hunt.
I got up and sat next to him and was confused. Was he upset but happy that I was here? So then I decided without choice or maybe either without an aim.
I looked deep in his eyes as the wind started to pick up.
"Did someone ever tell you to keep everything inside before spilling out like that, hun?" I said seriously.
I then looked down because he was staring at me and I felt self conscious and my heart beat too went a little faster.
I sighed. "I'm impatient and sad. Let me be your friend." I smiled.
The counselor then proceeded to get her blow horn to get everyone's attention.
"Alright. Let's take a vote because it's already been like 2 .. 1 minutes.
Who votes going to their own assigned cabin or go swimming in the lake? Both are for 1 hour. Um, actually instead of getting to know your cabin, maybe... Man hunt?"
[ also when are you availed to roleplay? Also you can tell me if you're not interested in role playing and if I should extend my paragraphs then that's cool too ]
(I'm normally available everyday considering, and since I came back from being out of state I'll be pretty active up here. Also you don't need to worry, I like where we're going so far so don't worry.)Out of all of the things I expected the guy to do, sitting next to me was not one of them. I stiffened slightly when he did but tried to school my features into something that screamed everything is fine I'm cool I'm hip without seeming too much like a complete and utter moron. But it seemed like the guy just saw right through all of that, like he could just take one look at me and every secret that I've held in and every truth I hid from the world was just laid bare for him to see. It was scary.
I visibly gulped at his question and the intense stare he was giving me, feeling like I was spiraling down a path of no return. Of course I had heard that before, it was one of my problems when it came to talking to people I would get so nervous that every inside thought I've had in the past fifteen minutes would just come spewing out and it often led to odd looks and abandonment. My therapist would try her best to get me out of it by little sayings and such but as you can see I'm still a socially awkward idiot. Just when I was about to tell him as such he came out of nowhere saying the worst possible thing in the entire world.
He wanted to be my friend.
In all honesty that isn't bad but again this is me, Oliver. The weird guy who doesn't want to be here and has really bad social skills. I am not a good friend, that and I haven't had a friend since fourth grade Not exactly a good thing considering I'm eighteen now. But even though I wanted to say no, that he could find better, I just couldn't...He was nice and oh god-so beautiful that I just couldn't refuse, I could never refuse this guy for as long I'll live.
"Uh sur-" I started when the counselor interrupted and gave us options to better get to know everyone. I cringed at the thought of going into the lake as all the videos of the things crawling in there makes me seriously anxious and relaxed slightly at the other options. Those didn't involve water or things that burrow into your skin much and if I played man-hunt I might be able to get to know this guy pretty well, depending on if we were both working together. So mustering up my courage, I cleared my throat and looked over at him,licking my lips before I spoke. "Do you want to do man hunt? I-I think that would be alot better than staying holed up in the cabin." I suggested, stunned slightly at despite the small stutter, how smooth my voice sounded. Totally unlike the squeaky hellish voice I was prepared to hear coming out from my mouth.
I wanted to die. Really. But I didn't know if it was for a bad or good reason. Well, that's another thing that's gonna keep me up at night just like this lovely mystery called Oliver. Yes, I knew I should never come and greet this guy mostly when he doesn't want my attention but I realized he was my type. Shy, awkward, tall and brave. Flawless. And I knew that I had to know him more to actually be attracted to him, but I wish I could change that. If it wasn't for my stupid brain to act like this whenever it comes to crushes. Well, that's how you know your a total shit bag of demiromantic personality.
Well... back to my sweet Oliver. Wait what? Did I just call him that?
I looked at how concerned he was. But I thought it was the most beautiful sight I ever saw. But now that I think of it, he probably has the whole, "O shit, it's 4 pm forgot that my therapist was gonna come. HEY MOM! Clean up the living room quickly!"
Wait, would he be that demanding? Poor soul probably doesn't even knows what to think anymore.
Wait hold on... He has friends right? Is that why he doesn't know how to communicate? Because that explains a lot. Or is it that he has too much friends and he's so used to their ways he got into the habit of their ways. Eh, I'm dumb shit so how would I know? More things to think until death because I'm pretty sure I made him feel... Well! Want to die until he bleeds out.
I heard his response and he felt so unsure and shaky. Goddamit Smudge! You always do this and that, couldn't you just be an introvert right now? I'm so aimless when I'm extroverted. I act like a bird for godsakes that matter of fact doesn't have any wings.
Did I force him to be friends with me? Oh god! He just wants to be friends with me because of my face, is that right? Am I right or am I right? Jesus christ no wonder I want to kill myself. For a good or bad reason? Still don't know!
Is it because my eyes and hair and my face structure just looks like Leonardo DiCaprio? Uhg. I'm so original even people know that. Hah, lies.
But all in all, if he has bad social skills then I think it would be cute to help him.
Oh wait. I remember he was allergic to blueberry's. Ah, doesn't that give me ideas.
I would be his little aid. Yep not a big one. I'm still incredibly short for a 17 year old guy.
And whenever we eat I would look for blueberrys and he would kiss me so many times and say, "Thanks you for saving my life, baby."
Oh shit, don't I overthink to much. Um.. yep that's a boner. Hah.
I ended up crossing my legs as the counselor spoke and crossed my arms on my upper thighs. Hopefully he doesn't notice.
So, choices were manhunt and lake?
I was a complete fish out of the water I knew that. I took every chance to go into the water. And most of all, what's so bad about a shirtless Oliver? Hm.
Better yet, it's the summer and it's actually sunny for once in Washington.
But yet, manhunt is embarrassing.. I have horrible plans and Oliv would judge me for that. And what If I scream and I sound incredibly weird and then everyone makes fun of me? My face got extremely red as I remember I was playing manhunt with my crush in 6th grade and I had an extremely high voice because I hadn't gone through puberty yet and the tagger would mistake me for this other girl.
I then turned to him smiling forcefully as he said manhunt would be best. And it sounded so smooth like the total essence of heaven. And in fact he was heaven.
My face got really red as my cheeks would transform into the color of a rose as something downstairs in my pants continued.
"Uhh..." I stared down and my voice got deeper. Well at least I tried to. "Yea, I think that would be splendid, Oliv." I winked and kept my smile.
"Excuse me for a moment."
I dashed to the bathroom with everything in my body sweating and I felt tears build up.
One thing, I was sensitive as heck. God.
Okay, first things first. I've always hated the name Oliv because well, sound it aloud, no no really sound it aloud and think to yourself what does it sound like? If you thought Olive than you're absolutely correct. When I was younger and actually had friends in elementary school the kids would call me Olive- not Oliv- but Olive and it used to make me cry like a little bitch that I am today. But when it came out of the other guy's mouth, hot damn did he make my name sound like the best thing since sliced bread. The way he he looked as he said it made me want to kiss him until he could do nothing but breathe out my name like that and-whoa there, Oliver, calm down. We know you're a social fucktard but popping an erection right here in broad daylight? Not good rep, not good rep at all.When the guy winked at me, I felt all of my air leave my body and I was about to make a really undignified noise when he suddenly shot up and ran to the restrooms. I sat there,stunned as to what had happened and then all the possibilities hit me. Oh, god what if he actually hates man-hunt and has been severely traumatized by a man-hunt incident? What if he only did that because I suggested it and the way I said it sound like I wanted it to happen? Did I just unknowingly trigger war memories by wanting play that particular game? Goddammit, I should have chose pool instead-nono, I should have just let him choose instead of being a dictator. This was the complete opposite of what I wanted, I wanted to stop being a pushover not become a dictator, Oh my God I'm a complete monster. I should just end it right now and-
"Oliver?"
"YES?!" I shouted, freezing up and getting to my feet in a flash. The counselor looked startled for a moment at my reaction then glanced over at the table. "Where's you friend?"
"FRIEND?!" Fucking hell I need to stop shouting, people were beginning to stare I could feel it. It was like tiny bugs crawling up and down my back. "Yes...Smudge, the boy who you were to talk to?" She said slowly as if afraid I might explode-which I felt like I was...not out of anger but just complete mortification. Wait, the guy's name was Smudge? Oh my god that was adorable-no lie that was the most cutest name I've ever heard. Like I could sound it out Smmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuudgeeeeeeeee-
"Oliver,honey, where is Smudge? Did he go to the-" That's right, I needed to apologize to him for dictating what I wanted him to do. I didn't want him to ate me , not after we become friends. "I need to go to the bathroom!" I shouted then dashed off in the direction to the bathroom with the counselor calling after me.
"Smudge!" I called, smacking hard into the door before opening it. Holding my nose, I tried again and opened the door to the bathroom, finding no one around except for a pair of shoes in the stalls. "Smudge?" I tried again,softer this time as the shame crept back in. "I'm really sorry for suggesting that we do man-hunt without your consent. It was really rude of me. I didn't mean to suddenly dictate your entire life and order you around like that." Some part of my brain was telling me that this totally was not the case but I kept going. "I'm an idiot, I know. My goal this summer was to not be a total pushover and instead I'm already ruining your life and I'm so sorry." I felt tears beginning to well and I sniffed them back. "I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore." In some ways it might make it easier for me to watch you from afar and pine over you and have wet dreams about you-Oh my God, hormones please.
I hate you and I hate myself. I hate you and I hate myself. I repeated to myself as I was close enough to reach the bathroom that a matter of fact looked like my whole life. It was out of style and had mold on the ceiling. It was sorta small. Just like me. And I didn't know if it made me want to laugh a little or cry more.Wait, who was I hating? Oh I don't know maybe my brain. Was I destined to be this person?
But no matter what I was always so horrible at hiding physical stuff. When it comes to the times I was bullied because I smelled like peanut butter and eventually I got punched. I had horrible excuses and that's when in my mom's brain I became Smudge the bold eagle. That should have made me happy but it only made me more sad.
And that is exactly why I hate my brain. You see?
Once I got it I heard the counselor start talking about where I went. I smiled a little through my tears. I kept my mouth shut as that was the only thing I was good at doing when I was crying. Well, tearing up. A bunch of tears roll down my face but I don't turn into some person at a funeral.
I went into the stall as I heard my heart beat faster and faster once I heard Oliv start talking to the counselor.
Oh god, I just want to live and it was all of my fault I started this because I felt flirty today but I don't feel anything. Well maybe something I need to know him more. I don't know I was trying to live in a moment for once in my life.
And, back to my boner. Great. I calmed down my tears but I still felt that my face was still red as a rose on pigment steroids.
I took off my shoes and unzipped my pants and lowered my boxers.
Since I was a kid I was bad at handling stuff like these emotionally but mentally I was actually a very smart kid. Well, at least to a geniuses standards. I was a person out of the box. I would think still no one would think. I ended up in special education until one day a substitute in 3rd grade came in and told me I was a realist and just thought like a professional physicist and mathematician. And ever since then I rolled into a private school. But before that I had to take an IQ test with all my special education teachers watching me. I ended up having an IQ of 270.
But anyways back to my situation, I held my private area down and clenched my fist. I concluded that one day when I was sitting down next to my crush and it worked. I sighed in relief.
I was blessed by god. And god being my sweet Oliver. Hm.
I started hearing Oliv come running to me and I started blushing again. I pulled up my boxers and zipped my pants. I then eventually started panting in a panicked tone. What do you do? How do you do it?
When was Oliver ever a quick runner? I was surprised as he ran faster than I ever did in my life. Or either my heartbeat.
I heard a slamming noise outside and jumped. Shit! My shoes. I then sat on the toilet with my feet on the toilet cover.
"Fuck."
Oliver then came inside and he sounded so worried. And my heart sank because it just sounded like heaven and everything I was not because he was extremely flawless.
I opened my mouth but it seemed that Oliv was already on to something that made me frown.
Oliver went on and on on how it was all his fault and it sounded like he wanted to be damned to hell. But, I was surprised he didn't tear up. I heard nothing but a panicked voice but his voice didn't crack at all.
God. He was so brave. Was he doing this all for me? How come he's respecting me so much? What did I ever do to get all these great things for my sweet little Oliv.
He was a pushover? But he seemed so powerful.
He was ruining my life? But he made me so happy.
He was worried about not being friends with me? He made me... want to kiss him a hundred times and tell him I was still his "friend" to tease him.
Oh god. I suck.
Oliver then stopped and he was out of breath, panting a little.
I didn't know what to do.
Everything was so quiet. But it was my turn to speak. That's what teachers always said. You always have to tell how you feel or the person will feel pain over there selves.
I then put my feet to the ground and stood up. I smiled. I smiled about how happy I was someone who got this treatment.
I opened the stall slowly and looked at him with those eyes.
Those eyes that were sparkly and regretful and sad. Well, because I was sad too.
"Listen Oliv..." I then fully stepped out of the stall and put my hand on my elbow. "You shouldn't be sorry because I'm not angry at all... Hun, with me you can be calm. I know you may have a friend or two but they're just there for small talk that's probably enjoyable." I took a step towards him looking up to him. I gulped. He was beautiful. Every single part of his face was so delicate and touch less to my dirty self. My face redden and I felt something a l little bit small. Were these feelings? Or was this just me mistaking myself for feeling so self conscious?
I stammered. "I-I-I.." I looked down and bit my lip. "I think you're so... I don't know. Perfect. I love how your so shy and awkward." I then gathered all my courage and looked up at him. "So let's go to the lake together and talk more if our group ends up doing it. I really want to know you more. You don't understand, Oliv." I said softly and with more of a higher tone.
In the background I heard the other campers start talking to the counselor debating the lake or manhunt.
(When should they develop feelings for each other? Or does Oliver already have feelings for Smudge?)
(Oliver is stuck in a love at first sight kind of thing and doesn't know what to do about it, so in a way yes he has feelings for Smudge. And I don't know maybe after a couple of weeks of getting to know each other? :/)
My nose was bleeding. I realized that after I finished speaking and went to wipe my nose again. Blood was where I was expecting snot to be and boy did that come out as a shock to me. For a second, I was thought that it was because I thought that Smudge was so cute and i just started bleeding but then I remembered how I had crashed into the door on my way to Smudge and realized that that was the real reason...slightly better than the whole Smudge is cute as hell thing but less desirable.
I checked to see if it was broken while I snagged several pieces of paper towel and hastily began to wipe away the blood that kept dripping. The last thing I wanted was the guy hating me more because I was bleeding all over the place like an idiot...Then again, he would have no reason to be mad unless I somehow spurted blood on him when he came out of the stall. The thought sent an unpleasant shiver down my spine. If I ever did that, I was certain that the very next day here they would find my body by the riverbank.
When the squeak of the stall sounded, I hastily threw away the towels and mustered up the best normal face that I could only to have it fall flat at the look Smudge was giving me. At once, my anxiety came into action. Oh no, I made him cry and no he was going to say that he truly hated me and that he wanted me dead. However, when he spoke instead of shame and intense sadness, I felt shock and a slight bit of shame. God, what did I look like that ever made him think that about me? I parted my lips to speak but he continued on and I felt worse and worse with each word he said.
I wasn't perfect, I was a fucking wreck. I could hardly speak to anyone without making a fool of myself or creating a terrible first impression. I shook my head but smiled softly, looking down at my hands. "I...I'm not perfect at all,Smudge. I'm far from it really." I said softly. "I don't have friends here or back at home, not even online." I gave a short laugh at that and fiddled with my hands again. "A-and I want...I want to get to know you more too."
I kept my gaze down at my hands and kept my tone quiet. I wasn't sure how long we sat there until I heard a loud knock at the door. I jumped and let out a small noise that sounded close to a scream. "Smudge and Oliver! If you two are finished up in there, the group is headed for the lake!" I flicked my gaze up and straight into Smudge's eyes, feeling my cheeks warm as I extended a hand for him to take. "Ah, shall we then?"
(yeah it would be better if they started liking each other once they got to know each other more nah, it fine. Also, when my responses are short it means im on my phone cause i'm not used to roleplaying on mobile)
(Alright we can do that so where do you want to go with this now? Also I understand I don't like using mobile either)
I was about to fall on my knees and cry for him. He sounded so flawless it almost weighed down on me like a burden. Oliv...my Oliv, sounded like every piece of me that wasn't perfect. Oh, but he was perfect. Every single trait of him shakes me to the bone. I know I should calm down and smack myself in the face. I know that. But, it was a goddamn sunny day and I can't help myself. My hormones are kicking in whenever I see him.
When I first came here I knew I was supposed to feel like a pile of shit. One moment I'll be crying because I'm an emotional wreck. And then another moment I'll try to act straight and tell a girl I fell in love with her for the first time and I'll yell poetry to her and then I'll eventually tell her I'm gay. Ah, what a nice plot line.
But did I feel like something like this was going to happen?
When I'm around Oliv I feel like myself. Flirty and a little risky. But he's the only guy I felt flirty around and I don't know why. Does that make this situation even faker?
When Oliv said that he was far from perfect and he didn't have any friends at all. Not even close to it, I believed him. For once. That was the one part I couldn't forget.
I gave a grand smile when he said he wanted to know me. I felt more... Manly. Powerful.
Who knew I was going to feel that today?... Wait, or was I?
Oh how could I forget? His voice was soft and it was the best thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life. It sounded better than my whole life for godsakes. I blushed hard and scratched my voice not wanting him to see.
Oliver's face was down all the time I realized and it made me want to shoot myself. I want to reach out to him a hold his face in my hands and sing him a song that would tell him how perfect he is from my eyes.
Hearing the counselor made me relieve everything. Now he couldn't see my blush and I could just take a moment a live it for once. I then looked to Oliv's face and smiled. So its the lake is it?
I hope we can forget what just happened about my whole boner situation. Or should I tell him.
I smiled. "I would love to, Oliv." I said cheerfully. And it actually sounded like I actually had a voice. Or wait, does he hear an awful cringey cry from my voice? Great. More thing to think at night.
The counselor then left. I got my shoes and put them on. And walked with Oliver in complete silence.
I smiled as for I remember the first words he said to me. Oh god, for one thing I'm a horrible creator of things that would happen like this. Does that mean something? Because he and I went smoothly and oh goddamn would I fall to my knees? Yes, absolutely.
Once we got back to the center of where my and Oliv meet I faced him and took out my hand. "It was nice time meeting you, Oliv." I said softly while a smiled and then winked at him.
"I'll get going to my cabin to change." I shook his hand as he well... Had a face on him that was indescribably surprising.
(Sorry that I ended it on that note but I wanted to start out Oliv and Smudge changing and then meeting each other at the lake)
(What do you mean where do you want this to go now?)
(Sorry I thought we were going to time skip to where they would meet at the lake but this is fine too.)
When he got up again, I was prepared for Smudge to hole himself in the stalls again and never come back out but instead he came back with his shoes and it dawned on me that he had taken them off. Huh, talk about odd. If you were upset why would take your shoes off? Unless he was the type of person that the only way he was able to cry and be upset was he had to take off an article of clothing? It was weird but I have heard of people who do that. We walked in complete silence which gave me time to think about exactly where we were going. Right, the lake. The part of me that was immensely skeeved out by going into the lake wanted to tell Smudge that it would be best if we just sat by the bench but I didn't want to see that sad look on his face...but I also didn't want to get possibly infected by a flesh eating virus that I might get from wading in the lake. Dammit all, I was stuck between risking Smudge's gorgeous face and not dying before I got driver's license.My fate was determined for me when he suddenly stopped and turned to face me, the wind blowing his hair gently and making me want to run my fingers through it. Slowly, I took his hand, stunned at the warmth and frantically thinking to myself Don'tgetharddon'tgetharddon'tgethard. I hardly heard a word he said before he went off in a different direction and left me standing there watching him as he walked so sexily-Oh my God, hormones we just met this guy,chill the fuck out please.
"Oliver?" One of the counselors stepped into my line of sight. "Is everything good buddy?"
"Don't get hard." I said automatically then froze as once again Oliver.exe crashed. The counselor and I just stared at each other until I said in the calmest voice I can muster. "When we get to the river, I want you to get the others to look the other way while I drown myself."
Apparently, saying that you wanted to drown, warranted a long and serious talk about my mental health and if I was getting enough attention at home which all led to me simply saying "I'm healthy as an eighteen year old american growing up in a hellish world of politics and corruption can be." This itself resulted in a lot of squirming (from me) a long stare from the counselor and then me being released with a hardly a glance in my direction. For once in my life, I'm glad to be a socially awkward fucktard. After changing into a pair of swim trunks,a tank top and my sneakers, I set out for the lake, following the sounds of people milling and splashing about and found the lake which looked surprisingly clean but I wasn't going to chance it. I made my way past the people close to my age all splashing and talking with one another to a nice rock ledge that was vacant and held some shade so I wouldn't get tanner than I already am and waited for Smudge to show so I wouldn't look like a loner that just might actually try to drown themselves (because I still felt the counselor watching me).
(Goddamn, that's a great paragraph! :DBut I'm gonna respond in like 8 hours or so. I'm gonna get some sleep.
But, if you have any ideas with what's gonna happen, then you can tell me.
Also, ok sorry! I didn't know we were gonna skip. My bad :\)
(Alright that's fine and don't worry, I just automatically assumed so I'm at fault here XD )
Jesus Christ who am I anymore? Wait how am I supposed to answer that anyways? I always feel my whole body shake after I something reallymeaningful happens to me and I hate it so much. I feel like I'm always controlled by my feelings and I'm trapped in a cage to tell you the truth.
I sighed and opened my door to my cabin and no one was here yet except it was clear they were already in the water. It was a boy girl? Judging on their stuff they seemed "I want to fit in to society". Their stuff was a little bit too much main stream and it looked depressing to me because.. I want to punch anyone and protect them from feeling exhausted from modern standards, especially for any kind of gender.
What was I feeling today anyway? Shirtless Smudge with just a tank short that was black or something covering my chest?
I was feeling flirty today and my poor Oliv is probably gonna get more uncomfortable and he'll stare at my chest more. Hmmm. I should just five him a break anyways.
God, am I self centered? I should actually kill myself like any other physic.
I stripped down and ended up with a fresh look. I had a swim suit that covered my chest and it was black. It looked like I was teasing some people by the way I already had some abs but it was faint, but once I was in the lake it would be visible enough.
Puberty man.
Why do I need muscles during puberty? Girls and trans girls turn out fine without them. More things to think about later.
I looked in the mirror that was in corner. I smiled.
"I'm coming, goner."
I then proceeded to walk to the lake where there was more talking than suspected there would ever be.
I felt awkward and out of shape. Well, not physically, to be honest. I looked around a little nervous.
Did Oliv actually like the lake? What if he's gonna die because he's gonna end up saying.
"Oh smudge, I'm allergic to anything in the water." And he would laugh nervously. Poor soul.
I then spotted him. He was on a little cliff I think? I then gulped and then walked toward him.
Then something happened. A hallucination.
Great. Just he usual blob of black that looked like a human walking along the woods.
I rubbed my eyes hoping he didn't see me.
I walked to him but behind him. Once I reached him he looked like he has no idea I was there. I smiled and thought. What did he need now? He should probably get some nice small talk.
"I just realized how bright the sky is today. Did you goner?" I then went on. "It reminds me
of a lot of things."
I then sat next to him. Not too close but not too far. Perfect. I looked at his torso and his shoulder and I felt like I was losing my mind. What was mind control again?
His skin was a little tan but I loved it and how his back and stomach went up and down as he breathed and stop my train of thought.
Did I like him? He looked a little shy too. It seemed like he didn't know how to answer if I was looking at only his goddamn body. I'm sick and I'm fucked up.
I looked to his face and stayed serious still wanting his answer.
In the background it looked like everyone was having so much more fun.
I remember we would stay here for an hour. And I sighed a little.
What would I do to keep him calm? Does he even want me to be here? I never talked to someone who was socially disabled. So
I thought. Well, for a little to be honest. Whenever he sees me or I talk to him he looks like he gets so stiff and love sick.
So... Maybe we can lean against another. No wait he would probably get hard.
Maybe I should just ask him.
"Also, we you have social anxiety, what makes you so scared of the person? Well if you do have it.. That is." I said in a rather concerned voice but it was soft.
I looked down examining the rocks beneath my feet. And I realized how small my feet were and thin they were. I kind of hate it.
( to clarify smudges I talk about smudges cabin partner when he goes inside his cabin)
Wait, are we still doing the role play? Or you're not interested anymore?
It goes without saying that I am a complete and utter wuss when it comes to things like the ocean or lakes, but the again who can exactly scorn the fact that I like the good ol chlorine pool water, certainly people are aware of the existence of all sorts of dangerous things in non purified water, right? Unless the threat of a sweltering day just made people abandon all sense of danger and they just jumped into the nearest body of water they saw. Gross.I flinched back slightly when I saw someone wade over and get splashed and I curled my knees up to my chest, practically assuming fetal position for a moment as I checked to make sure that no water got on the ledge. Good, it was still dry and now the counselor was squinting and whispering about me.
I could see his lips moving as he watched me and talked to the other counselor. She looked in my direction and I averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks warm with shame. I didn't ask to have social anxiety you know but it seems like they didn't care. It was just make fun of the stupid looking kid who had foot in mouth syndrome and couldn't decide on anything on his own without being afraid of offending others. God, drowning seems so beautiful right now.
I jumped when I heard a voice not to far from me and started to turn until I saw that t was just smudge and-wow. He looked great, like really great like my hormones should stop trying to take over my brain and shut the hell up great. I flicked my gaze back down to the stuff that I was wearing and made a small face. I probably looked like shit compared to him. I looked over to the counselors expecting them to start laughing at the sight of a handsome guy talking to a moron like me and instead saw that were just talking amongst themselves and not laughing at me...or maybe they were and just decided that I wasn't worth looking at.
When I heard Smudge talk again, I felt a small bit of shame because for a moment I forgot that he was even there and then I froze at what he asked. I stiffened slightly at what he was saying. Social Anxiety. He knew I had it. He knew that I was just some freak and he was going to laugh in my face but before he did he would try and act like he's my friend and-
I felt sick to my stomach, I curled my knees back up to my chest and rested my chin on them looking far out at the lake before I spoke. "Yes, I have social anxiety...I've had it since I was in fifth grade," I said, glancing over at him, my voice soft but firm, slowly hardening with each word that came out of my mouth. "People are mean and they all think mean thoughts...at least from what I see and...whenever I try to talk to them it feels like I'm being judged and made fun of. I can..."I trailed ff running a hand through my hair,suddenly feeling defensive and stuck in a corner. I didn't like talking about my problems, whether he looked nice or not, you don't just up and ask someone about their problems on the first day, that was rude and...and-
"Why did you take your shoes off, if you were upset?" I asked,immediately changing the subject, my question coming out sharper than I intended it to be and I looked down again, feeling my cheeks warm. "I-I'm sorry," I added shamefully. "I-I didn't mean to snap like that, please don't hate me." I wish something would swallow me up.
Considering that I felt like the center of attention. That it was me. It was all about me. He had to answer my question and there was nothing Oliv could do about it. It felt like I should just hide away with of course some things to think in my mind I would be so fine. So goddamn perfect. Also, some pizza. Wait? Is that a positive thought? Was I going through a mood swing? My brain I have to tell you. I wanted to claw out my hair but I still managed to keep control because well, someone was named Oliver and I would be blind to not follow his direction.
Oliver sounded offended and he felt even more uncomfortable. Dangit. I ruined it all. I feel like I should just give him space.
Yet, I know that he doesn't have any friends so maybe in fourth grade he had friends and then after that he lost direction. Reasonable.
His voice was so soft and I felt so betrayed by my own brain. It went on and on and it felt like I couldn't keep control. Yet I glanced down at all the other people thinking a sighing. Why was my life such roller coaster? Especially this moment.
I should of just said nothing at all. But know he'll think it's his fault so I guess I'll just come up with something witty.
"Oh Oliv..." I laughed and then leaned forward. "To me your so much different than what you think I think. Because your so emotionally flawed it makes you so perfect and that makes everything feel so much better. Like I think I'm a complete jerk to you because.." I paused and I felt tears a little. "It's like I'm always the one who's being so bossy."
I then looked deep into his eyes as I knew I fucked up because I knew he was eventually going to ask the question about my whole "what a perfect day to have a boner situation". But I kind of laughed a little. Games and tricks are always so much better on my body. Of course. Perfect.
I smiled softly. "Well.. Oh Oliv. You know sometimes stuff happen. " I bit my lip and then I continued. "But it only happens to boys. Isn't this a fun game, huh Oliv?" I laughed nervously.
What was he going to think? That sounded really gay or maybe he was going to think about nothing but puberty. Maybe he's gonna think I'm just too sensitive for this world and I could do nothing to stop it. Wait, what am I thinking? Uhg. I'm so messed up.
God this was awkward. But then I got an idea.
"Hey, I have an idea, tanny." I paused. "Hopefully you like it!"
(Are you still interested ? Cuz if not I could just look for another partner)
( sorry if your actually doing stuff and I'm being ignorant :/)
