Old Souls Book Club discussion
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The trouble of finding company on the journey...
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I agree J.D. I have the same experience.Saiisha, you said it perfectly!
Family and friends many times don’t understand even though I explain my path to them. The Buddhist and Taoist approaches guide me: just be, everything is impermanent and I can only do what I can. The path of the bodhisattva inspires me which, I recently read a short summarization by Pema Chodron, is gentleness, clarity of mind, and an open heart.
J.D. wrote: "Thank you for your response, Saiisha! I completely agree. It's an unfortunate part of the process that sometimes when we move on, people don't come with us. I think perhaps that's one of the very h..."So far, I haven't had much luck meeting people and am so glad I found this group.
My daughter is moving close to me next month. At least we can do yoga and, if she will go to Tai Chi classes, this will encourage me and perhaps I will meet other people on a similar journey.
There is a Zen community which near me. I tend to be shy at first, so am hesitant to step out and go.
Mod
One thing that might help us to understand is why others in our lives are not so ready and willing to join us on our journeys. It's really got nothing to do with us - but that they might have their own fears, doubts and uncertainties. Fear is something that stops people cold - so much so that they don't even want to attempt to learn something new, or experience something new - and a lot of times, they don't even realize they're running away from their fears.
A lot of people would much rather find other ways to avoid, ignore or bypass those inner fears, by drinking, doing drugs, or chasing other material ambitions in the name of success. What they're really trying to do is to try to strengthen their identity. But they're chasing the wrong things to identify with!
So even though this doesn't help with the fact that you're losing friends and relationships, maybe it helps to understand why we're losing them :)
J.D. wrote: "The process of working towards bettering oneself and connecting to the world religiously/spiritually is a very deep, personal journey. It's always nice to have company, but I've found that these de..."
Yes, I can relate as well. A combination of solitary and sharing is ideal, but is hard to find. It seems that deep soul-searching and inquiry is very confronting to many people - and the superficial masks of their roles in life are more comfortable than the unknown or the fear of what one may find in the recesses of the soul... I do think the truer one is to what's right for them on their own journey, the more likely it is to happen upon other people with similar views of life and spirituality/religion.
Yes, I can relate as well. A combination of solitary and sharing is ideal, but is hard to find. It seems that deep soul-searching and inquiry is very confronting to many people - and the superficial masks of their roles in life are more comfortable than the unknown or the fear of what one may find in the recesses of the soul... I do think the truer one is to what's right for them on their own journey, the more likely it is to happen upon other people with similar views of life and spirituality/religion.
Mod
That's exactly it Catherine - well said!
I am loving this conversation and have been going through a lot of change over the past few years due to this exact reason. Once you've "woken up," it's hard to go back. Our society seems to worship the shallow, the superficial, the meaningless and peddle wares to make us feel better as certainly our souls are not satisfied with the shallow, the superficial, the meaningless. I am SO far from perfect, I will always have certain crosses to bear (impatience, judgement), but I find that things which once brought me "happiness" me in my 20s or even 30s, are meaningless to me now. Life is nothing but change.
Mod
Harriette - It's true - life is nothing but change, but what the people on this community have in common is that you're making a conscious, committed effort to positive change! It's heart-warming to watch and be part of :) We're all evolving into better versions of who we are!
J.D. wrote: "Thank you all for your responses! It was wonderful hearing all of your perspectives on this. This is one of those things that it's easy to feel isolated in, but knowing that there's understanding o..."
It was a great question :) And so wonderful to have a forum like this where these questions are encouraged and appreciated - thanks Saiisha!
It was a great question :) And so wonderful to have a forum like this where these questions are encouraged and appreciated - thanks Saiisha!
J.D. wrote: "Thank you all for your responses! It was wonderful hearing all of your perspectives on this. This is one of those things that it's easy to feel isolated in, but knowing that there's understanding o..."Agree 100%! So happy to be included in this community.
Mod
Hello all, I have introduced myself on another topic but I will say hi again to be courteous.My heart tells me that the loneliness is all part of the journey.
If you knew of a great temple of knowledge atop a mountain would you quit the long walk because you were without company or would you embrace the solitude?
I'd say that those of you here would likely continue onwards - as would I.
We are all pilgrims in a sense.
I am very familiar with the "eyes glazing over" look most give if you are not espousing the latest newspaper headlines.
Mod
In my experience, the soul journey is a solitary journey, at least when we come to crossroads and must decide if we're committed to following the "road less taken." One of the reasons most people don't follow the road less taken is because they'd rather follow the crowd, where there's company.
And then as we're all finding out, we do find fellow pilgrims as we continue on the path - that's how this group is coming together as we speak :)
Ian-Anthony wrote: "My heart tells me that the loneliness is all part of the journey. If you knew of a great temple of knowledge atop a mountain would you quit the long walk because you were without company or would you embrace the solitude?
I'd say that those of you here would likely continue onwards - as would I.
We are all pilgrims in a sense.
I am very familiar with the "eyes glazing over" look most give if you are not espousing the latest newspaper headlines. "
I would continue onwards.
I find that the solitary life is thrust upon me because other people don’t understand my path and don’t want to. It’s amazing how much time many people spend, including social time, watching television.
Another reason is the journey is within me, as it is for each person, so is solitary in many ways. It takes open, compassionate friends who are on a similar journey and they are hard to find.
I’m very happy to have met the people here in this group. I’ve found that I’ve grown very weary of social media such as Facebook but, it has a few communities on Buddhism and yoga that I like.
Very true James - facebook is alot of falseness anyway. It's all abit orgy porgy .
Yes, I agree. Facebook really creeps me out. When I have tried it before, I can feel myself pulled to care more about what others think of me and I do that enough on my own. Or maybe my avoidance is my way of hiding my true self. I definitely have had trouble finding similarly minded people on my journey. Luckily, my husband completely understands but he's not as into it as I am. My dad is into certain aspects so I do have him to talk to, but I'd love to have someone to speak to about it in more depth. But I, like James, am shy and unlikely to approach others about the weather, much less more meaningful topics. A lot of people like to group us under the "new age" title with a smirk that I would rather avoid. It has been nice though going to conferences on these and other topics, like the ones they have at the Edgar Cayce ARE Center. Just being surrounded by people who care about the things you care about is so indescribably comforting.
I am wondering how many of the rest of you consider yourself introverts. It would make sense I guess that shy people are more introspective as they are by themselves more, but I wonder if it's really true and if that is another reason it is so difficult finding company on the journey.
100% me Dewin!I can spend hours on my own & be completely content in my own head.
Not speaking out loud to others seems to really charge my batteries - which I think my wife finds weird but still :-)
I do wonder if we were in tribes still if maybe we had a purpose then, not necessarily medicine people or shamans but hopefully something spiritually positive.
Very interesting J.D ! I think the "shyness" is not from lack of confidence exactly but - from lack of confidence in the expected interaction with those who are of the materialistic ilk?
I feel drained even knowing that I have to tell various husbands - no i dont support a football team. It instantly alienates me.
Or the "I was so drunk that ..." tales that are supposed to be funny but are mostly idiocy. I then feel bad for being judgemental :-)
J.D. you explained the difference between introversion and shyness perfectly!! I am also an introvert but as I navigate the world most people think I'm an extrovert, which is tiring. I don't even try to explain anymore. I don't do Facebook, I don't follow sports, I don't do party behavior, but I do enjoy a glass of wine. After thinking for years that there was something wrong with me, I now crave solitude. So nice to know there are others like me! Thank you all for your comments!
Mod
The way I've noticed introverts and extroverts differ is by how much they enjoy company - if they get recharged and energized in social settings they tend to be extroverts; and if they feel drained and feel a low-energy, they're probably introverts. Not sure if this is always true for everybody, but I can certainly relate.
A lot of older souls seem to struggle with this paradox of avoidance and connection - avoidance because they prefer to be alone, recharge on solitude, and are perfectly capable of coming to their own conclusions without relying on other people for confirmation and validation. But there's also a deep need for connection - a deeper connection - to make a difference in others' lives - to make meaning out of the connections and conversations that they do have. And I think I sense that in a lot of you here on this group :)
Spot on Saiisha!!The last party I went to was a wedding & I wanted to try to get to know my wifes work collegues. I was going to give my best.
Not a single one had anything to say, it was getting drunk plain & simple.
I even made a huge effort to have quiet time with one of the smokers whos brother had died a few weeks prior. I got in there & had a really special heart to heart with her.
Needless to say by the end I dont think she knew her own name let alone took anything away from our conversation.
Mod
The last party I went to was a wedding & I wanted to try to get to know my wifes work collegues. I was going to give my best.
Not a single one had anything to say, it was gettin..."
Oh boy - I have a party coming up next week that I decided not to avoid this time, and I'm already bracing myself for it, hoping to make at least one or two deeper connections, rather than try to fit in with the small talk and social niceties.
At least you tried Ian-Anthony - that's all we can do - take the horse to the water... :)
I remember an author who had died in surgery & said that he had a life review.Every action he had commited he now felt the resulting effect from the other persons perspective..
I hope that in a similar experience I would be proud of myself :-)
I am loving the tribe theory, Ian-Anthony! Interesting thing to think about....Thank you JD; I had never before heard shyness and introversion differentiated. But that makes so much sense. I am definitely both. As you all have been explaining, I am completely drained after social interaction, even if it is just sitting on the couch at my own house watching a movie with my best friend. I have found just recently that I need to schedule a couple of days of at home alone time for every couple of days of interaction. It is really hard to do and I frequently push myself to the breaking point because I feel that I "should" be able to be around others as others do. I am working on cutting the "shoulds" out of my life, but the more I try the more I find.
Mod
Saiisha, there's a lot of interesting reading on introversion out there that can help to clarify the differences from a scientific respect. A study done by Har..."
Thanks for all the links JD - fascinating stuff - especially about how our brains act / react differently based on whether we're introverts or extroverts!
I did watch and read Susan Cain's Ted Talk and Quiet - and enjoyed them both!
Dewin - I can completely relate to your experience :) Another book I had enjoyed while I was figuring this all out for myself - The Book of Silence, by Sara Maitland (and here's my review of it - https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...).
Mod
"Beethoven was now fiercely determined to offer his final contribution to mankind. He dedicated himself wholly to work. He stripped his life down to absolute essentials. He let go of social niceties. He cared not what others thought. He withdrew into himself when necessary. And he found a rationale for his turn inward - yogis call this "introversion"... Time both slowed down and speeded up. He became, indeed, a yogi, during these last years..."
A lot of us don't realize this aspect of committing ourselves to a spiritual path when we decided to step on it initially. I get a lot of questions about how their friends and spouses don't understand what their souls are seeking; and even if they say they understand or that they support their spouse's journeys, that they don't really!
What I've noticed is that once we've committed to our spiritual path, it tends to be an overhaul of our life itself! And that includes some friends and relationships that dissolve, a complete change of career toward meaningful work, and of course the choices we make, regarding which events to attend, which phone calls to return, which news shows to watch (or not watch) - every single choice becomes one of spirituality - we're discovering more of our Self, becoming true to our Self, and developing integrity and respect to honor who we really are.
This is my own experience J.D, and what I've seen in others I've helped :)