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When are you not authentic? When do you feel like you wear a mask?
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When I am in a crowd I feel a need to be a "bigger version" of me which I recognize and I'm trying to say "okay, this isn't necessary"...and when I'm with my family of origin, I wear a coat of armor and that coat of armor wears a coat of armor.
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The double coats of armor is hilarious Julie!
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I can relate Lelly - I avoid crowds, parties and social events too; I live in the "sticks" that I call my nest in the forest, and have zero interest in mainstream news and politics!
I avoid small talk too - that's what drains me as well, but when I have to have a conversation I can't avoid, I have a trick that I use - I ask them about their inner life, their soul's longings, their deepest fears or dreams... (not in that language of course!) but when I redirect gossipy, surface-level talk to go deeper, I notice that we can both enjoy the conversations.
I am authentic with my family of origin and my husband and kids. I have several friends I'm also authentic with, but I definitely wear a mask at parties, in crowds, with some groups. I prefer small groups, but sometimes crowds can't be avoided.
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LOL! Welcome to the club :)
Very well said, J.D.!! I feel the same way - I'm not sure we ever truly "know" another person, even if we've been in a long-term relationship.
I think there are absolutely different degrees of myself. I am a certain way at work but a good friend would recognize my professional / more closed off self although I'm not like that with them. I'm closer with my good friends, I'm somewhere in between with acquaintances and strangers and family is a play by play however no one really knows every aspect of me, as I am sure I do not know every aspect of even my longest and best of friends. Humanity in a nutshell.
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And then I had another persona for my son's school meetings and sports - to interact with his teachers and other parents.
I had a whole another persona that I created for my family that I put on for family events and get-togethers.
I can go on and on, but you get the picture... I don't know how I wasn't a schizophrenic, or suffering from multiple personality disorder!
When the realization hit me that I wasn't whole, that I was trying to operate as multiple people, multiple personas, and none of them myself! The only time I felt like I was myself was in solitude.
I carved out time for more and more solitude, meditation and journaling, but there were many times I cried myself to sleep. But out of this utter misery came an inner awakening - a period of intense spiritual experiences, altered states of consciousness, that lasted for about 2 - 3 years. And then I came back down to earth - so to speak :)
And then began the real work of making myself whole - to let go of all those personas that weren't me. To let go of the people, places, thoughts, beliefs, actions, events... everything that didn't serve my soul's purpose or my spiritual path. I realize this sounds radical - it was a complete overhaul of my life, as I mentioned in another thread.
But I have no regrets about what I lost - what I gained has been amazingly incredible. I truly wake up with a smile on my face every morning, and I LOVE the work I do in the world. It's an incredibly fulfilling, soul-satisfying way to live!
(Sorry this got so long... once I started, I couldn't stop :))
And if you want to hear more of my story, and how you can discover your own inner Dharma: https://www.goodreads.com/event/show/...
What a wonderful description of allowing your true self to stand on its own!! You make it sound definitely worth the journey!
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Thank you Barbara - the journey has certainly been worth it, and I think all of us here who've stepped on that path would agree with that :)
I can certainly relate to everybodies sentiments on here!In my own life I'm proud to say that the only person who I am different around is my wife.
With everyone else I would just say that I hold my tongue!
A boss or teacher for example is not actually that authority & I clicked to that notion very early as a child. By that very notion you could put a stethoscope on a horse & it would be a doctor.
I refuse that mask - probably coming across as aloof to people but I'm not a dancing monkey. There is a script that they expect you to stick to & it's just pointlessly false. Unless you stick to it they slowly move onto other people who will.
It could be arrogance on my part - however thats not usually my nature.
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In my own life I'm proud to say that the only person who I am different around is my wife.
With everyone else I would just say that I ho..."
That's awesome Ian-Anthony! Many people go through an identity crisis when they realize that they've been wearing masks all their lives, and when they take them off, they don't know who they really are underneath.... in your case, maybe you'll be spared an identity crisis :)
Ian-Anthony, I think you are admirable. I wish I could be like that, so I don't think it's arrogance at all. I also think it is wonderful that you recognized the falseness of authority early on. I like to think that more and more young people are picking up on it now. I hope. I am true only with my husband and my one friend. That is all. In other situations, I tend to just nod and let people place their masks on me. It makes me feel ashamed that I deny my true self that way.
Why thanks Dewin, nice to meet you!I think that if you are pushed enough you eventually push back, if you are boxed up you are desperate to break out.
In that sense I think I reject those masks by pulling them off & throwing them down.
Don't feel ashamed though, you are expressing what I describe as Lenity.
You understand them far more than they are prepared to understand you which means (as a kind person) you take the responsibility in the situation.
Kind of like when a child pronounces a word incorrectly & the adult understands so doesn't keep continuously correcting them :-)
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I think that if you are pushed enough you eventually push back, if you are boxed up you are desperate to break out.
In that sense I think I reject those masks..."
Lenity - a new word in my vocabulary... thanks :)
Ha please use it!!It is a spiritual concept that I have.
Lenity - kind & gentle goodness: to be lenient.
Thank you Ian-Anthony. That really makes me feel better. I saw that you reviewed some books on lenity. I will try to check them out!
Um, hello! I just realized that YOU wrote them. How awesome. Can you post links to where we can get them?
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B01GOVEM98Free at the moment - I would only recommend the book of Lenity for someone who is already spiritually aware.
Your streetwise soul is more for the young bad boy types. The writing style is different & may slightly offend.
In many areas of life we seem to be encouraged into social Darwinism to which I am strongly opposed so I wanted to communicate the Lenity message right across the spectrum.
Both are relatively short - introducing it's concept to the worker bees was the goal :-)
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Free at the moment - I would only recommend the book of Lenity for someone who is already spiritually aware.
Your streetwise soul is more for the young bad bo..."
Oh wow - how cool - I didn't realize it was an actual book, not just a concept! Thanks for the link :)
Ha no offence taken J.D!Mankind has always been used to refer to humankind - I toyed with the wording alot but when being critical regarding the status quo man felt more appropriate since the fairer sex have had less imput in religious dogma over the centuries.
Sex is primarily for reproduction biologically speaking - but the book does insist that intimacy etc is the most important aspect.
Thankyou very much for looking at it J.D - the hope is to first bring people into a state of Lenity as a reflex ... those who are ok with ruthless aggression at work & home.
If that leads them to an even more layered spiritual path later on - we hopefully all benefit.
Are there times when you feel like you're not being yourself? Feel like you're wearing a mask?