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language question
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Susan
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May 08, 2016 05:13PM

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back as the dark angry giant approached her whispering In a piercing voice:
"I told you before you're no match for me, haven't I? huh?You dare
is the word giant and piercing ok for the hero ?
i get a bit puzzled with these too many expressions in English

'Whispering in a husky, menacing voice'
Piercing means screaming ir shrieking and one can't do that and also whisper.
:)

For the second issue, I agree with Tara about the wording. Piercing to me is a vocal sound that is clear and strident through the air, usually very loud. Whispering is quieter and muffled when you're trying to stop it from being heard.
To be honest, I'd drop both words and go with quiet and ominous. I get the impression she's backing away from him? So, to add that threat to the air have your large man creeping/edging towards her saying in a quietly ominous voice "....."
Oh, and I've just noticed that Tara also put ominous down too! haha So, two separate people putting the same word can't be wrong eh? :)

So, thanks very much, Tara, I've got my fingers crossed for it!



also when i describe someone who had been caught stealing or something can i say "her cries were stinged with shame " stinged is ok heer?

I would think "lord", "master", "boss", or "employer", depending on time frame and setting your story is in.

I have never heard of crackeing or crackling in that context. There are words like "busybody" for someone who is gossiping or having silly talk with others. Maybe you are thinking of the word "yacking"? "She was neglecting her work and yacking with the other ladies."


is stinged avveptable ?here

I think "tinged" is the word you're looking for, which is the same as "imbued" or "colored." But it seems a little awkward to me, a bit overused. You might want to re-word it.
Also, I've always seen it spelled "yakking," not "yacking." but both appear to be correct.
Also, I've always seen it spelled "yakking," not "yacking." but both appear to be correct.

If a woman has a rough, harsh voice, say she has a rough, harsh voice.
“Use the right word, not its second cousin.” -- Mark Twain
“Use the right word, not its second cousin.” -- Mark Twain

Grating, unfeminine, jarring, dissonant, abrasive, unmusical...
Just a reminder: The "author help" section is for posting questions you may have about your writing or writing in general, venting frustrations, etc. (See Ann's pinned post).
We have another place to post if you are seeking facebook followers and another if you are looking to hire an editor for your book. Thanks.
We have another place to post if you are seeking facebook followers and another if you are looking to hire an editor for your book. Thanks.

the couple stood by the board rail peacefully watching the quiet water glittered by the sun shine .

the couple stood by the board rail peacefully watching the quiet water glittered by the sun shine ."
You're missing a bit of punctuation. I would say something like:
The couple stood by the board rail, peacefully watching the quiet water glittering with sunshine.
You could also say 'in the sunshine,' 'from the sunshine,' or 'from sunshine.' Depends on how you want the sentence to flow. It's a bit long though, so you could even break it up and use the second sentence as a starting point for your next line.
The couple stood by the board rail, peacefully watching the quiet water. It was glittering with sunshine...
Again, totally dependent on your own rhythm.

the couple stood by the board rail peacefully watching the quiet water glittered by the sun shine ."
I may be wrong, but that is how I would do it. The couple stood by the board (comma) peacefully watching the quiet water glitter (present tense) by the sunshine.
That's just me. Again, my birth language isn't English so hopefully someone can confirm or tell me I am full of bullshit. ;)

the couple stood by the board rail peacefully watching the quiet water glittered by the sun shine ."
I may be wrong, but that is how I would do it. The c..."
G.G., you're a crack up! You're not full of shit, that's correct, grammatically and otherwise. It's just a question of style and rhythm, and how the author wants their work to flow.
However, there are two things I'd like to point out.
The choice of wording and the structure of the sentence introduces ambiguity in whether the couple is standing by the sunshine, or if the water is glittering from the sunshine. Using the word 'by' implies causation/causality, but it can also imply location or positioning.
I wouldn't say that water glitters by sunshine, I would say: glitters from the sunshine, glitters with sunshine, or glitters in the sunshine. To me, using by just doesn't sound quite right if you are trying to say that the water is sparkling because the sun is shining on it.
I can't explain why this is, because the sun does cause the water to glitter. It may just be one of those quirks of English.
The ambiguity also exists because in saying by the sunshine, it implies the water is located near the sunshine. While this can make sense - for example, the scene may be set under cloudy skies, and there may be a single patch of sunshine right next to the water - it doesn't unless you make that statement prior, and make it clear that it's a ray of sunshine next to or near the body of water.
Long comment, but I hope that makes sense! I suppose these are just minor technicalities, but I hope they're helpful in some way.

If you want to keep the image, you can always say, "set aglitter by the sunshine."
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictio...
Actually, I'm more inclined to say, "set alight by the sunshine."
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictio...
Actually, I'm more inclined to say, "set alight by the sunshine."

(She came out from under the car with her nose blotted with char. When she tried to wipe the dirty blotch from her nose, she splotched her cheek and made it worse. She looked funny as she took the screwdriver from him and reprimanded with a gentle voice.
"I said the blue screwdriver. Not the red one")

(She came out from under the car with her nose blotted with char. When she tr..."
Nose splotched (or blotched) with smut. When she tried to wipe the dirty blob from her nose, she smudged her cheek and made it worse
Maybe....


If I heard the words 'heavy businessman' as a descriptor, I would think they meant a fat businessman. It's hard without knowing context, but something like 'senior executive' would probably work better.
Hope that helps!