The Diary of a Closet Nerd

[Damian]

I am awake today. Barely. When I walk around, it's almost like I'm a zombie. People pass and I register their presence. But I don't think anything of it. Generally, it's rare for someone different, someone worth it, to come by, to really, truly, undeniably awaken me. It's happened before. Only because I allowed it.

I feel things that I don't want to feel. I don't live to think. I can't have trouble. The real me can't. Of course, the girl people think I am can have all the trouble she wants. She gets all the guys. She's flirtatious and confident. She's smart and wise. She's so much more than I really am.

All the real me wants to do is hide behind a book and disappear into a world different than the one I live in.

I guess this is what happens when you go undercover. Some lines get blurred.

Comments are welcome. I don't mind talking. That's something my undercover me and real me have in common.

[Damian]

Is it wrong for me to want something that I can't have so badly? I wish things were easier. That I could accept people better. But some people aren't really who they say they are. I believe in them, I stick up for them, and they just end up letting me down.

I'm not going to hope for him. I can't have him, I won't let myself. Sometimes we need to let things go even though we feel like we should be holding on tighter. I will talk to him, I will laugh with him, but I shall do it from a distance. That's the only way I won't get hurt.

I'm sure some of you have felt the same thing before. It's a pretty common thing, fear.

"A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended." Ian McEwan

[Damian]

Human emotions are perhaps one of the hardest things on Earth to comprehend. I don't even know my own. Some people might disagree. They may say that the Universe or the Earth's creation is harder to understand.

But I don't see it. We don't know about the creation of the Earth or how the Universe came to be. That's fine. But, at least at points in time, we think we know our emotions. We know ourselves. The sad thing is, though, we don't. Not in the end.

It kind of sucks being human, having these feelings. Thank you, Delirium for showing me the world could be worse.

At least I have a say in who I feel for.

[Damian]

To-Do List for Sophomore Year:
-Take at least two AP Tests
-Survive
- Find myself
-Finish writing my novel
- Carpe Diem

Life sucks for everyone. The only difference is that some people manage to make theirs suck less.

Hello, Summer!

[Damian]

Hey guys, guys, guysguysguysguys, GUYS!

I'm so excited.
I'm almost done planning this book and then I'm going to take a month to write it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I don't know. I'm just really excited.

Quick question, though: do any of you guys know how to write a query letter?

[notyourfriend, supposedly dead.]

This journal has been moved to its alphabetically appropriate folder.

[tired, yikes]

Your journal has been moved back to the appropriate folder. "The"s are not counted when alphabetizing journal threads (and its a general rule of thumb in the English language) and I apologize again for this.