Why I've started my own personal SK fanfiction

[Katelyn]

1) I can place myself in the book. I try to stay true to who I am in real life. Because I actually want to see myself in the book and situation. Yes I get carried away by making myself smarter, more humorous. But I cross it out, because I want to be me. I want to genuinely see how the characters would treat me. So I throw myself into different situations as me. And not a more awesomer version as me.

My fanfiction is for me only. So I'm not worried about the mary-sue.

2) Sometimes I'll realize other parts of my personality that I didn't know existed. Yes I'm placing myself in my fanfiction but every character develops. Even a character that represents me. Which means that I can see how I would develop as a person if I was in those situations. As well as also see parts of my personality that I keep hidden from myself and others. It changes who I am because the people you hang out with affects your personality. And since your brain can't tell the difference between your imagination and real life; then hanging out with SK's characters in a book is no different from hanging out with them in real life.

In fact just by reading SK's books my mental personality has changed, however I keep it repressed because people would keep asking me if I'm okay, because I'm so different. And I really hate the question "are you okay?" just because you've changed as a person

I start seeing life situations the way my favourite characters would see it. And that's just from reading the books.

Stuff I didn't agree with in the book, I can change it.

Whilst I make my characters personality exactly like mind as explained in the first paragraph. I make my character more skilled than me in certain areas. Maybe she's a warrior. Maybe she's immortal . Etc. Maybe she speaks Latin. I'm just making stuff up. And for some reason my brain doesn't feel right about the discrepancy between real life and my imagination; that it will keep pestering me to train in some form of martial arts just to fix the discrepancy. My brain also doesn't feel right about me not being able to speak Latin, when the me in my imagination can. So here I am studying Latin.

I can't bring myself to hurt anybody even in my imaginations. I can't even bring myself to punch Valerius' grandfather in my imagination. Sure I can insult him, but I just can't punch him even in my imagination. My fist gets a inch to his face and then I put my hand down. For some reason just like how Cherise Gautier can't process the supernatural....I can't process violence. I can't process the idea of hurting someone. Even when I try to cut someone with a knife in my imagination, my knife always misses, and if it does hit them it's just a small scratch. Yes I can throw a pillow at some, maybe a book or something. But I can't process maliciousness even with someone who deserves it. In fact I feel sorry for both Kyrian and even Valerius grandfather for what Kyrian did to him.

I know that it seems unnatural that I can't punch someone as evil as Val's grandfather even in my imagination. But I just can't. I want to tear him apart but I can't. The worse I can do is knock someone out in my imagination as self defense. And I always knock them out using magical powers to put them too sleep, and I always make sure they land on something soft. I never knock them out physically.

In fact if the characters were to insult me for being Roman. Because I decided to be Roman in my fanfiction. Then I'd remain silent. I wouldn't even stand up for myself. Part of it is because whenever me and my family are in arguments, they always talk to me about how I'm always in the wrong for hurting them, even though they had insults were that worse or just as bad as mine. Even if they attacked me first. I'm always the one who did the hurting, I'm never the one who got hurt. And that passes over to me in fanfiction. If I was to be attacked by the Greek dark hunters I'd think about how I hurt them, and hardly about they hurt me.

But also I hate confrontation and violence. I'd remain silent in order to try to end the confrontation as quickly as possible.

Most of all I hate causing people pain. When I do...I feel awful. As far as I'm concerned me and the other dark hunters bleed red, we've all gone through a betrayal so foul that the pain rips apart our very souls if we were to have one. And since we all have enough pain I do my best to not add to some other dark hunter's pain. Perhaps I'm a pushover, but I'd be thinking of the other person and how they are in pain and they need to let it out, and they're using me as the person to release their hurt on. That would make me feel compassion towards them, even if they're insulting me.

Compassion is my defence mechanism. Much like hostility is Zarek's defence mechanism.

Gosh I even have to cry and apologize to each daimon I stab...wait a minute I don't stab them I kidnap them and show them how to hunt corrupt demons...

So the above few things I've discovered about myself is I'm not very aggressive. I have had moments of aggression, but my aggression is so low I find it difficult to be aggressive even in my imagination.

I'm if the power existed, would be an empath.

I'm analytical. I prefer to analyze a persons personality across all areas before making any decisions about them. I'm not a first impressions say it all sort of gal.

Anyway I discover new things about me, and I'm growing even just by reading her books.

[Malachaibubble12]

I feel that all of us discover new things about yourselves in what we read and how we interpret it. I can honestly say that my own mental fanfictions are absolutely filled top-to-bottom with drama, yet in real life I stay as far away from it as possible. Heck I don't even keep track of who's dating who in my classes!

Whatever we make of what we read and then imagine for ourselves thereafter in the crevices of our mind, are most likely for the benefit of our brains and our persona to be able to investigate the different aspects of ourselves, whether in the forms of a priestly, good-willed person, to the cold-hearted killer, to the parts of us that feel stuck in between.

Just some food for thought. Also Kat I hope that you don't take your compassion to extreme extensions in that I hope that you don't let people walk over you. Compassion and the neediness of one's own will have their moments in the box and the times to dust them off and to open them to be shown to the world. ;)

[Katelyn]

I suppose so. But much like how Valerius resorts to extreme arrogance, and Zarek resorts to extreme hostility. I resort to extreme compassion.