Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion
*MARCH 2016 MICRO STORY CONTEST - COMMENTS ONLY
I'm back, with a story - couldn't resist Andy's dare (sorry). I managed to acquire both a full-time job and a boyfriend at the same time last summer; now that I've gotten rid of the boyfriend, I can concentrate on the good stuff.
Glad you're back, Dorthe! yes, stick with the important stuff :-)I'm stuck at Kings Cross in London with all trains north cancelled for up to 3 hours. time to write a story but no power left on laptop. too hardto write on this phone. can I do hand-written entry?
Andy:On your cellphone, maybe you should try a Beckett-style "Breath" drama. LOL. That play is basically 124 words of stage direction ...
"Curtain.
"1. Faint light on stage littered with miscellaneous rubbish. Hold for about five seconds.
"2. Faint brief cry and immediately inspiration and slow increase of light together reaching maximum together in about ten seconds. Silence and hold about five seconds. ..."
That's a wonderful story, isn't it, Ron? Imagine if Beckett had lived in the Age of Twitter. I wonder which 135 (i.e., those 275 characters he used, minus 140) characters he would have chosen to prune, to post "Breath" on Twitter?
TwitterBeckett:Birth. Scream. Blood. Piss. Misery. Cries. More misery. Anger. Pain. Gloom. Scream. Gasp. Deep, dark death.
Finally!
:-)
yeah, funny, right! But but back to serious literature ... lolI got it down to 139 characters:
"Curtain.
1. Stage: low light on trash; 5 seconds.
2. low brief cry, breathes in, light slowly up; & max. in 5-10 sec. Silence 5 sec."
PhewThat was close to the deadline .....
Looking forward to reading this evening ...
When is the actual deadline? Is it when Jot actually posts that time is up, as he usually posts that each month?I normally have mine finished well before deadline so don't worry too much, though I think I've noticed that people still sometimes post stories till he says "time's up." This month though the prologue I am including has really been stubborn and I am still making a few minor edits. So I hope that time is officially up when Jot posts to that effect. Anyone know?
Yes, it's more or less when he wakes up in the morning after.For which several of us have been grateful
I hope he had a few beers last night!
Thanks, J.J. - and Andy - it's great to be back :o) I've read through this month's stories today, am sleeping on them, voting tomorrow morning.
Feels like coming home.
Greetings all gathered luminous beings:I admit to being a bit distant this month while dealing with my Father-in-Law's sudden death. Granted I don't spend loads of time in the forums, I think this month has been especially light.
All things in order: As mentioned in passing there was the possibility I was going to no longer write in this group. It was my personal opinion the group had become settled and only certain kinds of stories were winning. As such, I felt as if my highly unstructured and unorthodox writing style would simply be one more burden to read every month with almost no chance at winning.
I abstained during the two months of the system transfer from LinkedIN to Goodreads. I still read, I just didn't write. Then I stopped reading. I suddenly realized something. I was lonely. Lonely for the mental chorus I had associated with this particular group of writers. Thus, I returned.
I decided to write a story with the basic parameters using as much dialog as the story would allow. It is not my normal approach preferring to build the scene and let the characters inhabit it rather than build the scene around the dialogue.
Very uncomfortable. It brought my state of mind right back to me. Hospital, bed, sickness, death.
I knew once I started I could not stop. I wrote it in a single non-stop pass. Once I was finished I was shaking. I was experiencing a catharsis. I am sorry if the nature of the piece was disturbing to anyone, I could not help myself.
In other news: Still reeling from my announcement as a Quora Top Writer, I appeared on a podcast in the UK called the Tao of Otaku. They knew of me from my writing about superheroes, comics and comic history stuff over at Quora. It was nice to get recognition for writing well done. I had fun. You can find the interview at: http://www.taoofotaku.com/episode-29-... (my code name there is: The Credible Hulk.
I went to the Black Comics Festival in San Francisco a few weeks ago and the Silicon Valley Comic Con as a member of the press this past weekend. The Black Comic festival let me meet a wide array of writers from all over the US. I hope to collaborate on a comic writing project very soon. The Silicon Valley Comic Con was a madhouse this weekend with at least 25,000 people attending. I was in my journalist secret identity as Ebonstorm Media. I actually do write comic journalism for a media magazine called Panel and Frame. The convention was great and I am planning to speak on a panel or two next year!
I have an interview podcast on this Friday, #BlackComicsChat alongside the acclaimed comic journalist, Joe P. Illidge (of Batman comics fame). I have followed the podcast on Twitter and contributed some art and chat to the group while they discovered my writing on Quora. They promised me an interview at the end of the previous year, but I figured it would be sometime around Christmas. Instead, Joe might be there as well and we can talk mad comics shop, comment on the industry and the bursting new talent out there.
On the next day, March 26, I will be speaking at the AfroSurreal Writers Workshop held at the Oakland Museum alongside another comic luminary, Julianna Smith. I will be talking about writing speculative fiction and using it to discuss contemporary and near-future issues.
And then on Sunday, He rested.
I have been spending a good part of my time working on a couple of writing projects. I found a cover painting for my next book: Visiting Hours - http://imgur.com/5Aw2Wzb at the SVCC last weekend. I am hoping to convince a second artist to create a specialized work for my second book cover: The World According to Superheroes - http://imgur.com/L6Usyu3 and list.ly/list/sqs-the-world-according-...
Most of the stories and essays are already completed and will now need the loving eyes of a murderous editor. I am hoping to get the first of these done by midyear and the second in the last quarter of the year.
And there you have it. I have not stopped writing. I decided the challenge and the chorus here are still worth my time if, for no other reason, it ensures I write something EVERY month. I have picked up a bit of journalism in my spare writing time and produce a couple of articles a month as well. All of my extra-curricular writing will be curtailed while I finish these books (or so my wife tells me).
Now I just need to control my urge to write in novel-length bursts...
Nice to see you all again.
Thaddeus
@Thaddeus sorry to hear of your loss. Glad to see your name on a story here this month.And congratulations on everything! I'll keep my eyes/ears open for the works/interviews you listed above.
Thaddeus:I'm also sadden to hear about a death in your family. Hope you're doing well. You seem to be juggling a good number of projects, though. Keep up the good work. All the best.
Thaddeus, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you.And yes, glad you are back!. Obviously, the styles of writing liked by the group are affected by who is in, leaves, or joins it.
Good projects you have going--I do envy you the ComicCon. Comic art is great.
Welcome back Thaddeus,My condolences also, to you and your wife for the loss of your father in law.
Also, thank you for the generosity of spirit in sharing information about what's happening in your life. Personally I like that style of forum communication. It helps to round out who the person is behind the online and authorial identity.
Thaddeus- soory for your family's loss. Congrats on Quora!Welcome back! You were missed.
Great to see you back, Thaddeus.One question:
How do you do it?
Sympathies, Thaddeus, for your father-in law's passing.Congrats for all the good things coming your way through your efforts :)
Sorry for your and you families pain, Thaddeus. Good to see you are sticking with us- we only get variety if we have a mixed assortment of writers.
Mod
Truth at the Cross-Trails by Paula Friedman
Tomorrow's Truth by Richard Bunning
Sapient Rift by Jack McDaniel
Wolf at the Door by Jeremy Lichtman
Truth Or Dare by Dorthe
Votes Needed From:
Jack McDaniel
Dean Hardage
Mod
From Marianne:
Wide range of stories this month, so hard to choose. But here goes:
1. Truth at the Cross-Roads -- Paula Friedman -- For wildness (coloring way outside the lines) and dialogue.
2. Truth -- Dean Hartage -- Because of its inherent truth (See it happening all the time).
3. Jot -- New Terra -- Excellent circle story matching SF & theme :)
Mod
From Carrie:
1st: Jeremy Lichtman - Wolf at the door
2nd: Marianne Petrino - Mystery
3rd: Jot Russell - New Terra
Feedback on each story:
Chris: A nice conversation within a conversation story. Although I’m still not sure if he’s actually speaking to someone named Archon, or if he’s completely insane and having multiple conversations with people who aren’t there. I did enjoy the reveal at the end, that it was Earthlings who were the threat.
Paula: I generally love your stories, but this one seemed very disjointed, I had to read it more than once to figure out what was even going on. To be honest I’m still not sure if they were chickens, or kittens, or people! I did love the Purple-People-Popper™ though - I thought that was very, very clever and loved that you “trademarked” it!
Richard: a very intriguing story, I’ll admit I was thinking this was a scene rather than an actual story until you revealed he’d burned the book. So I’m glad I stuck with it because the overarching story was actually compelling. A few typos but nice dialogue.
Jack: I liked the way you started the story with the ending. It set the mood right from the get go.
I was a little confused as to who’s perspective the section starting with “So, it was the Sapient Rift. All intelligent species…”. Because you sectioned it off from the paragraph before and after it seemed as though it was a different perspective that the dead person. But I wasn’t sure. Maybe just a slight clarification or indication within that paragraph would be helpful.
Heather: I found the prologue to be a bit wordy; I think your love of words sometimes drowns the actual message. But I did find the prologue very helpful to set up the rest of the story. And I really like the names of the characters you created. Der-lin is a fabulous name.
Just an honest opinion from a reader’s perspective, I think it would have served you better to be less clever. Sometimes you drown out the overall message of the story with unnecessary details. Your creation of “b,s&n” and “k of a&a” really just muddied up the story for me. You could have easily just called them Westerners and Easterners or something simple to tie in the actual regions. Just a little note. I absolutely understand WHY you created them but from a readers perspective: KISS.
Marianne: An absolutely splendid tale, rife with interesting characters and fantastical details. I would be hard pressed to tell you which world I loved more, the ones with lobster guards and caressing butterflies or the desolate world where all hope is lost.
Fantastic job.
Dean: Very, very clever and I am envious of Albert’s final ability to slow down for 5 years. I particularly loved the “active-fiber, temperature and humidity regulating clothing”. And it was a clever way to portray the typical cult that demands everything from you and in return you get bloated enlightenment!
Jeremy: Any story that has a pig doing yoga and using laptops and threatening lawyers gets big props from me lol!!!
I absolutely adored this story and absolutely loved your reference to anthropomorphize, seriously, this story had me grinning from ear to ear!
J.J. a well written story, the multiple personalities were cleverly written in!
Jot: a very, very interesting twist on “if I could do it all over again…” I liked the black hole concept and quite frankly - I kind of wanted to throat punch the wife for being such a jerk.
Greg: I really quite enjoyed this story, except I felt like it ended rather abruptly and without any actual point to the story. I don’t understand why exactly he was telling the story except that he was in a bar…telling a story? I thought he was going to tell a story about two enemies that stopped being enemies but it seemed the story was just a “man helping nature, who unfortunately got caught ina man made power line” story. I really liked the winged creatures and the way they interacted with the main character. But I also didn’t quite understand what the pouches around their necks were?
Dorthe: A fun story, but honestly, and ironically pretty believable, I have been cornered at airports by people who just won’t shut up. I’m assuming the guy at the end with the suitcase was the criminal winner of the show? I wasn’t sure, if anything it would have been helpful to define his character more clearly rather than “just some dude at the spaceport with a suitcase that got jacked by a person who talks 100mph”. I loved your descriptions of the coffee/drink barista. “green bubblies” was adorable and I envisioned a futuristic Starbucks!
Thaddeus: I liked the way you spun the actual crash, you could almost see them on futuristic speed racers. I would have liked a bit of explanation as to why three brothers were racing against each other since that’s something so out of the norm. I also loved the way you spun the relationships together with minimal effort.
One thing I actually would like clarified, the sentence “the Minocs, those most soul-less of gamblers,” are the Minocs Vincent’s family? Or just some other mafia type gambling family? I would genuinely like to know.
Sharon: I appreciate the way you had a solid beginning, middle and ending for this story (even if it did end rather abruptly). And I thought the thought of the “time release good-night drug” was very cool!!
Andy: “Emeritus Professor of Emotional Pathology” LOVE THIS. Amira’s announcement of fatherhood literally made me say “ohhhhhh snap” out loud, it was the perfect stunt to illicit an emotional response. I did feel however, that this was more of a scene rather than a complete story, but I rather enjoyed the “Steve Jobs on a stage in front of billions” type of a setup.
Mod
From Andy:
This was one of the hardest set of stories to score that I’ve seen. The standard of writing is exceptional.
And we’ve got so many different kinds of story – Jeremy’s updated Three Pigs, Paula’s scary children’s coming-of-age tale, Marianne’s surreal Dali-in-words (I love it), strong pacey stories by Carrie and Thaddeus, a great game idea by Dorthe, clever mayhem of JJ (as ever) …. and also very well-rounded strong stories from Chris, Sharon, Jot, Jack, Dean, and Greg, Heather’s ideas-rich philosophical hemisphericals, plus Richard’s (or what’s left of him) menacing Kafka meets Orwell meets Guantanamo.
In my scoring only 2 marks separated all the stories! But I had to vote, so:
1. Jack
2. Jot
3. Richard
4. JJ
5. Marianne
7. Pretty much everyone else
Here are some comments on the stories:
Chris Nance – Beware the Visitors
Very high quality story written in slightly archaic language, indicative of a people perhaps not as advanced but who tend to the mystical. Nice touch the “crook, serpent, and broken triangle”, and a clever take on the humans-bringing-doom-unintentionally theme. Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Paula - Truth at the Cross-Trails
Chilling coming-of-age tale that runs from the innocent to the macabre, all wrapped in an alien but half-familiar setting of children’s banter. A couple of puzzling moments about changing sizes, I didn’t quite get that. Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +++
Richard – Tomorrow’s Truth
Chilling dialogue-driven 1984++ tale of demanding conformity – a particular truth – through torture, and an infallible state. A few moments of black humour. Individuality is chopped away until the state can consume what little is left. Included the forbidden elements of tears and miracles – but by saying they were forbidden. What to do with this clever-clogsy interpretation of the rubric? Add a mark, or take one away? Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Jack McD – Sapient Rift
Well-constructed, well-written and rounded story – and an exo-parable for where we are now. Some great observations on the social construction of truth(s) in relation to religious zeal, power and resources. All in all, terrific – as is the concept of the Sapient Rift. Trademark that, Jack!
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Heather - In Quest Of The Golden Compass Or: The Hemispheres Experiment
In some ways this felt more the thesis for a story than a story. But definitely worth the read and reread. There’s a lot there. I sense a bit of Plato and Jung in the Prologue. The “warring truths” – based on access to resources – of East and West: and the East has the upper hand, symbolised by the intense use of the Chinese lucky number 8 in the date. There’s a book in here. Write it, Heather!
(BTW: The Golden Compass – was that a deliberate nod to Philip Pulman?)
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +
Carrie – An Undeniable Truth
And for the heroine’s father, a rather inconvenient one too. Pacey story, strong plot-line. Cliffhanger ending – what comes next? I do like the evocative yet economical style. Flow a little interrupted by info-dump in longest paragraph beginning “Gravity on Trinia was …”
-“He cursed the mutated gene that gave the women all the strength.” That line says briefly half of what the info-dump paragraph says, and is woven into the dialogue. (btw I’m glad there’s a biological explanation for the issues I face in life … J)
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Marianne – Mystery
I’m not sure what Marianne was smoking when she wrote this but I want some! I actually think the writing style is brilliant, the imagery fantastic in all senses – such a visual story, Dali could have painted it. And auditory too: “The beasts scream. The winds howl. The ice moans.” And I sit back and marvel at the literary skill.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +++
Dean – Truth
Well-rounded and sharp and polished story with a punch-line that delivers. Why do we need truth, after all? It’s here, in the facts, staring us in the face (or the feet) rather than somewhere out there, cosmic-like. I think I probably agree.
There are some stand-up stories with this kind of format, like the one about the rich guy who wants to become an Irishman, and travels the world to find out how. I’ll tell you it, some day.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Jeremy – Wolf at the Door
Heh, heh. Excellent quirky update of the children’s story of the Three Pigs. And why not? We’ve not had many children’s stories in this contest. Delightfully left-field ending.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +?!
JJ – All Things Truthfully Remembered
More zany multiverse mayhem from JJ, with some laugh-out-loud moments. It took a slow reread of the first few paragraphs to really get it, but when I twigged I thoroughly enjoyed it. “One couldn't be too careful in the field of psychiatry” – tin foil, tin foil! Number one for originality on the alien setting (though Marianne chasing her down on this). Near violation of the forbidden elements with the “mir – phenomenon” and an 82% violation with the “legal permit to buy a gun”. Ok, no actual gun, but …
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +++
Jot - New Terra
Excellent well-constructed story. Tightest plot-line of the contest, I think. Interaction between the characters very good. The artificial singularity? I’ll have to consult the hard SF guys, but as a plot device it worked well. And, I think, it’s a clever take on true love – requited but not reciprocated love in a relationship that is a lie on one side, but not the other. And a second chance.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Greg – Fly Free
Living next to a lake (a body of water, not just a family member), the title ‘fly free’ would be a dream come true for me at certain times of year. Seriously though, this is an appealing story. A SF take on Androcles and the Lion, perhaps. The descriptive writing is very good – very visual. And a reminder about the ways in which we under-appreciate the intelligence and compassion in other species.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +++
Dorthe – Truth or Dare
Extremely well-written story (another one!) – I loved the voice of the narrator. And a marvellous idea for a game show here. The tension builds up well in the story, because of the severe penalties for failure in the game. I’m generally happy with ambiguous endings – but I would have liked to know more. The stranger in the bar appears to be the guy who won – and ….. ? Did you know more about him, and you just don’t want to tell us, Dorthe? J
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Thaddeus – The Race
Tragic story about love, rivalry, truth and vengeance. It’s a powerful story and has a number of layers. The question of telling a dying person the truth resonates with me. Should the truth be told? Or would a lie be the path of compassion? Truth has consequences … Liked the inclusion of a gay husband in a macho world, but without making a big song and dance about it as an issue.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: +
Sharon – The Truth that Binds
Finding truth by lying her way in to a penal colony – Paradisio, which perhaps is more a Purgatorio – Tirna comes face to face with her mother and an uncomfortable truth. A well-rounded tale of the moral complexity of protecting people you love from the truth that harms. Like the concept of the “truth verification pendant”. Fine writing.
Non-Earth or future Earth setting: ++
Andy – Emotional Pathology
Not sure this really worked – Some ideas and a couple of snappy lines trying to become a story, about the different directions of affective computing + social media + plus enhanced cognition + about the nature of who we are/could become. Rather disjointed. Too much context and character interaction snipped out and ended up on the floor around my desk. Oh well, another day.
Many thanks for the comments, one and all :) My story came directly from a dream. I do adore Dali, surrealism and non-ordinary reality, so an added bonus :)I was rather amazed how everyone took the theme and wove the stories. I did find rereads were necessary because of depth, but a theme of truth will do that.
Carrie and Andy, thanks very much for the feedback you've provided ... you've put in a lot of effort to give such comprehensive reviews on so many stories.
Anyway, you've both made me feel less like giving up on my writing (I just never or hardly ever get so much as one vote) but now I feel like it might be more a matter of taking some things on board and making adjustments.
Andy, thanks for the encouragement to keep going with making my story re the hemispheres experiment and search for the golden compass story idea into the book that I want to write it into being. I was kind of experimenting with the idea of a double prologue (I read that there really is such a thing!) ... so yes it was more or less the 'the thesis for a story'!
So the first part of my story, if the rest of 'the book' had been written already, equates to the first prologue; a very broad philosophical perspective based on what I believe to be 'true' about The Truth. (I suppose I would have absorbed some of Jung etc over a lifetime) ... but honestly, most of it just comes from observing the extremes within my family's ways of being with the world; a real little microcosm we were!
The "second prologue" would be that which in my story this month was actually the body of the microstory, ... whose purpose would be, in the larger story, to give a manageble overview - not at the philosophical level but at the historical level of the story.
Then the body of the real story I want to write is what I want to be 'pure story.' So that's the skills I'm trying to develop now: dialogue, characterization, scenery, arcs ... all that stuff. Yes I do think of 'the thesis' first; the message(s), the 'truths' I am passionate about, but once I have that more or less identified its more fun and more communicative to try to get it into long story form ... but quite a challenge since I've never done that before.
I've also read that with a double prologue an epilogue can work, to sandwich the whole thing and bring the theorizing or explaining to a conclusion whilst leaving the story 'free' ready for the reader's own interpretations - but that that epilogue and the prologue(s) are a risk.. as they can fall flat on their 'clever' faces ... but still its good to experiment.
Carrie,
thanks for the reminder of the Keep It Simple Stupid wisdom. I'll keep trying re that - but the ultra short form of story can sometimes feel like there's just to many decisions about what to leave out.
p.s. Der-lin is actually the real first name (or personal name I should say, in the Chinese ways of naming) of a real person. A teacher of Chinese on a you tube video I watched had that name. It had a really good meaning, she said, happy that her parents had given it to her. I forget now exactly what that meaning was ... something to do with valued or precious. I'll have to go and watch the video again to remind myself.
Thank you Carrie and Andy for you feedback. Not sure I'll have time to reciprocate right now, but if anyone specifically wants feedback on theirs, I'll try.
@Heather - "Carrie, thanks for the reminder of the Keep It Simple Stupid wisdom. I'll keep trying re that - but the ultra short form of story can sometimes feel like there's just to many decisions about what to leave out"But those decisions are exactly what it's about, to be a microstory.
My advice would be next time to write something that has nothing at all to do with a larger work. Something that is complete in itself - with a beginning, a middle and a punchy end.
(My own story, in the end, had too much for the space, which Carrie correctly picked up on. "Physician, heal thyself," you say!)
Sharon, you saidThank you Carrie and Andy for you feedback. Not sure I'll have time to reciprocate right now, but if anyone specifically wants feedback on theirs, I'll try.
If you did get a moment to point out some salient points on my story I would be grateful.
AND,
Good point, AndyviaCarrie ... lol could read "(amateur) Philosopher, analyse thyself" too? I'll say!
(actually, my using that phrase "I'll say!" reminds me of my father. He was the least prone to swearing person I have ever met, yet in life had a fair amount to put up. So, if something had really got to him - and it was something that a person of mere-mortal degree of tolerance would swear at, Dad would just wait till someone said something like "Gordon, that must have really tried your patience?" then he'd say, "I'll say!")
@Sharon (and everyone really) no real expectation of anyone, if you have time/inclination cool - if not, no worries.Sometimes making myself provide feedback makes me really, really read the stories, even when I'm tempted to skim.
@Andy....good point, I do tend to info dump, and I'll correct that before I post/record it, thank you!
I only want to single out one story- that felt so close to brilliant but just didn't finish with any sting- Marianne. Perhaps there was just too much ambition for the tight word count? Perhaps you have to read again as you fall asleep and find out where you were meant to go. Dali did moment in time instillations, the snap shot of art- So perhaps this is one dream, installation in a gallery. If I missed the shot then just ignore me. I only ever read once- because that is what most consumers do- obviously I sometimes I miss the deep. We all mark differently.
On the rest:-
Perhaps there's an Anthology on Truth- So much variety- great stuff.
I really enjoyed this month's stories - Richard and others who have commented are right. Great variety, and pretty much nothing to fault in the writing - all fluent and engaging. The distinctions are more in how they shaped up as stories within the word limit.I always read stories at least twice, because I'm also interested from the writer's - and editor's and critic's - point of view.
Then those in contention for the top 5 get a further view to see if I've missed something. It's a learning thing.
Nonetheless, I think Richard is right about consumers mostly reading only once. For me and the style I want to achieve, that means being able to write something that works on first take, though it may also have layers and social/literary/historical allusions that work for those who are interested but don't distract those who are not.
I don't have 100% hit rate on that :-)
BTW, thanks to those who voted for my story - JJ! - or had it in their preference list. Much appreciated.
The work this month was quite impressive. I felt my experiment was simply inadequate to the task of competing. I almost considered being disqualified from participating.Honestly, I didn't expect much from anyone regarding my story. It relied on a variety of ideas and techniques I was experimenting with, including using more dialogue than I previously used for my writing.
I have been working to be more inclusive in my work. Not that I don't already consider alternative perspectives, but I want to include the idea of diversity, INVISIBLY, without drawing much fanfare to the idea that I am writing about it.
The premise of this story is about a man who wants his sons to choose a life different than his own. His desire for them to choose a life outside of criminality is challenged by all of them being VERY good racers and one of them being unabashedly gay. I hoped the idea he did not find favor with their relationship nor did he ultimately accept what happened to his sons to change who he was as a person. As for racing families, there are several famous auto racing families who have raced against each other. See the Andretti curse: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrett...
In this story the patriarch was a criminal overlord who in order to save face and when his wishes were defied, he would take matters into his own hands as any crime boss would. Carl's demise would have been ordered because Carl defied his orders to remain silent.
It was a dark tale but I wanted to try something really different from the optimistic perspective normally presented in this group. I suspect such work will require significant polish in order to contend here.
I don't know if you saw my comments above, Thaddeus, but I thought it was a powerful story with a number of layers, and liked the way you included the gay relationship.One thing, though - the story could just as easily have been an F1 story, the SF setting wasn't really necessary?
No, it wasn't. I am experimenting with writing a wider range of environments including just standard fiction works.Not that I intend to write standard fiction, but I want to be able to work with standard worlds, to improve my relationship dynamics, my dialogue, and techniques to handle story dynamics no matter what genre I am writing in.
I am finding the works that are getting accepted use complicated relationship structures, unpleasantly complicated dialogue structures I am not fond of.
My goal is to create a way of dealing with dialogue which can sound real, without using all of the unfortunately clever manipulations of readers in order to make works seem more advanced if you don't recognize the conventions being used.
I want to thank you, Marianne, Heather, Andy, Carrie, others who commented on my story this month.To Carrie's and Andy's questions, think of a world where--much as "speak[say], [']friend['], and enter" opens the Moria Gate--or ftm much like the "=" function in programming--standing in a crossing of trails and saying something is "true" or "the truth" makes it happen, as does intensely (and audibly) wishing it be true; and this needn't be said in words--a sincere squawk, for example, makes the something come truthy.
So yes, Carrie, the human child can become very big or very little, a crunchy tasty chicken, dinner on the plate, whatever. If in the cross-trail one says or audibly wishes it true very sincerely.
Just exactly like the world of young children, especially when they spar.
Not sure how I'd have made this clearer within the wordcount, as the whole bickering/bantering/attacking between the girls and their "bothers" took over, wanting no cuts, with its flow.
Andy, doubtless you could make your story better--that is nearly always true of stories--but it is awfully good already.
I agree that Marianne's story is amazingly written, as were Jeremy's, Dorthe's, Sharon's, Carrie's, . . .just about everyone's, this month.
One of the reasons I voted your story on my list of votes, this month, Thaddeus, was precisely for the reason that it was experimental. Another was your explanation of what drove (no pun intended) the story at a personal level. And another of course was that I found things to like about the story in its own right, though it wasn't my favourite.
The point I am trying to make here, and it may be a contentious point here, is that I think that at this - non-juried, community of writers - level there is a validity in voting not purely on the story itself as if a story is always a stand alone product to be consumed or not in the same way as the 'customer' ... the 'reader' ... would choose to consume or not any product.
Those other factors surrounding a story, that I 'factor in' to my decision. I can only think to call those 'combined other factors' the energy of the writer ... including as it comes through in the vibes of the story. To be pedantic with myself, I should say that this method of voting really looses some of the validity I see it as having when I don't include, intrinsic to the vote, a critique.
Thaddeus - I' not sure how much you should bend your style to fit in with what others seem to be doing.Your dialogue was good - clear and moved the story along well. Don't think it would be an improvement to complicate things.
I think you've got more published than most of the rest of us, so you must be doing something right!
Paula - You know I'm a fan of your depiction of other worlds and in particular the use of half-alien/half familiar language in your stories. I just missed the point you explained.
Thanks Paula and Carrie - and JJ on another thread - for comments about my story. There are ideas in there I will pursue in a slightly longer piece, I think.
@Heather: "there is a validity in voting not purely on the story itself as if a story is always a stand alone product to be consumed or not in the same way as the 'customer' ... the 'reader' ... would choose to consume or not any product. "Yes - yet I think to write a successful 750 word-story it has to work as a microstory. It might be one of a series, but if it is an extract or sample or experiment that depends on content that is not there in the story, then I think people will struggle with it.
I think it is possible to take an idea from a larger piece and shape it to the format - but the risk is always needing too much backstory, or as an author thinking something is self-evident because you know the material inside out, while for the reader there is a hiatus or something unexplained which loses them.
Yes, interesting point, Andy, about how an artist shouldn't be bending their style to 'fit in.' But it is also worth looking at the issue of 'experimenting with art styles' from another angle; where one of the many roles of the artist (established or not, published or not) is seen as being to de-stabilize!
That's because once anything has become very set in its ways/ too stable it may need to be de-constructed WELL, so as to then re-construct it so as to return it to a truer state of 'enchantment' ... 'wonder' ... 'imagination' ... or whatever it may be that has become too "stable." Art is all about Returning to True ... because we mere mortals are always veering away from it and stabilizing ourselves in, an easier to maintain, veered-slightly-off-course state. Its just part of the human condition! (p.s. I've just been watching a TV program on artist Patrica Piccinini so that's why I chose examples like 'enchantment' and 'wonder' as states an artist might like to re-new back to True.)
That's what fascinated me about what Thaddeus said in his comment that 'the group has become very "stable" ... in the story types it prefers.'
I guess I was/am hoping that he was disturbed by a 'stability' he has perceived that has become 'set-in-a-comfortable-state' (such as all humans tend to like) for the true artist within to be creatively comfortable with ignoring, rather than that he meant that he wanted to bend his style to fit such a stability!
@ Andy, you said ... but if it is an extract or sample or experiment that depends on content that is not there in the story, then I think people will struggle with it ....
Thanks Andy, that, of course, is the spot-on counter-balancing 'truth' to what I am also (or perhaps mainly) using these monthly writing challenges to try to do.
A case in point is my story from 2015, "A Debate Will Be Held Tonight Between Wrath 1 and Wrath 2" - which I want to submit for the anthology ... and am using the 750 word limit to bring it up from its original (on LI) 600 word length. So I have 150 spare words to try to: not loose my intention, BUT ALSO include that "content" that will make it less of a "struggle" to 'get.'
(I do actually enjoy the challenge of trying to do that!)
I remember one of the feedback criticisms I got on that story at the time was that it wasn't clear what category of writing it fell into ... "was it a portion of script for a screen play or what?" (or words to that effect.)
To me what it was was a very 'zoomed in close-up' viewing frame for '(re)-seeing' the sorts of disagreements of perspective that are 'slogged out', day in day out, one way or another, in society; the behavioural debates ... as they might be seen (to be) if viewed from another galaxy (ie from a whole other perspective) ... a galaxy with a high powered zoom in zoom out 'lens'.
And in my (extended-to-750-words) story that 'lens' is inter-galactic radio.
(And radio, as opposed to a 'visual medium', is itself a metaphor; for asking people to imagine* visualizing Earthly life as it might be with a 'tweaked' adjudication method ... different to what society commonly uses to determine right from wrong.) So I am using that whole extra (yikes!) 150 words to zoom back out a bit + to try to conform to some 'standard microstory' ways of doing things, eg, as you mentioned (somewhere, I can't just find it now) having "a beginning, middle and an end ..."
* BTW what I said about radio as metaphor for 'asking people to RE- imagine their own perspective on things' like 'how right from wrong is determined', in society, is also why, in my opinion, podcasting is so popular! One of the things podcasting can be, is, also 'a metaphor' for that exact same thing ... of using one's imagination, in a dynamically-stable way ... as opposed to a stagnatingly-stable way (the latter type of 'imagination' being what too many within the visual medium oligarchy - eg head honcho Rupert Murdoch - prefer to encourage!) ... [steps down from soapbox]
re 'standard microstory' thing, HeatherThere's a lot of scope for variety in the format, but there comes a point where it is what it is.
Here's an analogy:
You might want, in the interest of experiment and a spirit of 'why not', to try to wash the dishes rather than your clothes in the washing machine .
The results might be interesting artistically (you could make a video of a woman wailing beside it and enter it for the Turner prize, I suppose) - but most folks you showed the results to would just wonder why you did it.
Moral of the story - if you're writing something that needs 2000+ words, it's probably better to go for that format rather than putting it in a format it doesn't fit
@Andy, isn't it funny how when you tell someone not to do something how the mind rebels? There was I chortling over the schoolgirl reference to mir - and then I give the guy a weapons permit!! Drat and well-spotted. I was trying to follow the rules, sir - honest!Re reviews and feedback - some good stuff here. I fell off the horse a hundred years ago and need to get back on again. I won't promise, I'll just try really hard for the next set of stories.
I see
experimentation
(in this context) as something to be done more in the spirit of learning and of growing one's understanding of a range of types of forms, than in the (alternative) spirit of rebellion and "why notness" for their own sake. [A relevant question here would be, "does this group exist to showcase our work, or does it exist as a(n experimental, for example) learning resource, or does it exist as possibly both of those benefits to us as writers?"]In my view, such experimentation is about (ultimately) putting 'that which is learned through experiment' into wherever it is in the mind that 'long term, accumulative understanding' gets stored and retrieved ... rather than in the lolly jar of 'immediate rewards.'
And to do that you sometimes have to take a chance and not be afraid to fail (in the eyes of others with an already 'settled' idea of where the parameter lines are.) [what's one ruined washing machine and some broken crockery in the course of a lifetime? lol ]
And yet, far from being inherent rebels, we humans do like to belong, to be accepted. So there's the source of tension; be true to building an (eventually deeper) understanding (of creative forms, for example) through experimentation, OR adhere to 'the settled view,' thus finding more ready acceptance within 'the tribe.'
Be great if you do.
And other regulars/former regulars ....
... and, I know, me. Something will appear.