~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 4,901-4,950 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

Well I nearly missed the bus today but I ran and made it in time I got lucky today

[kavi ~he-him~]

My new playlist I just made on Spotify full of the songs from my Top 30 fav bands/singers:

https://open.spotify.com/user/animefo...

[kavi ~he-him~]

At lunch:

Jon sat next to me for a little bit and then Alana came in and sat in between me and Jon

Julia: *gives her bag of cheetos to Jon* want some cheetos? (There was no cheetos in the bag there was just the powder)
Jon: *throws the bag at Julia*
Me: *picks up a bag of a cookie* (I already ate the cookie that was inside the bag so the bag was empty) *waves the bag around* Jon do you want a cookie?
Jon: I DON'T LIKE AIR!

😂😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

And then later I was trying to throw the bag in Jon's face but Alana was sitting next to me so the bag never made it to Jon's face 😂😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

So the other day I said Rawr to Jon, and Rawr means "I love you" in dinosaur so basically I said "I love you" to Jon I just didn't say it in English 😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

My favorite ships:

Nerdy x Jonathan
Andy Biersack x Juliet Simms
Blue x Kyle
Percy x Annabeth
Kavy x Jonathan (even tho they are not together but they will be soon)
Brownie x cookie (yes I'm shipping food with food 😂)
Percy x blue food
Kavy x chocolate
Kavy x Gray
Kavy x food
Kavy x Fred Weasley
Harry x Ginny
Hermione x Ron
Kavy x music
Kavy x books
Hermione x books
Fred Weasley x pranks

😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jonathan x Video Games

[blue]

Aww I saw mine and kyles up too 💖💖💖 Love you kavy💞

[kavi ~he-him~]

Love you too Blue!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[blue]

💞💕💘💗❤️💖

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wonder how many stalkers I have on this journal I know I have 176. But I mean how many ppl actually read my journal

[kavi ~he-him~]

ALL STALKERS SAY HI

[Erin]

HI!!!!! XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

ERINNN 😂😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

I just took a quiz in science and it was not multiple choice and I don't think I did good.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need a name for my stalkers 😂😂😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

I remember last year or sometime I was trying to think of a name for my fans on Wattpad or Tumblr or my future fans. I need a name for my future fans and stuff 😂😂

[kavi ~he-him~]

Asking Juliet Simms if I can do a collaboration with her and Andy someday in the future o.o

[kavi ~he-him~]

I just asked Juliet Simms on twitter if I can do a collaboration with her and Andy someday in the future o.o idk if she'll reply.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't do it now or in a year or two or maybe more because I still need to improve my voice and overcome my shyness in singing and my stage fright and find a band and I'm not really ready rn but I do want to do a collaboration with Juliet and Andy and my other fav bands but I'm just not ready rn

[kavi ~he-him~]

No anime club today :(

[[deleted user]]

Noooo , why ≥ ≤

[kavi ~he-him~]

anime club is coming to an end, I graduate in a couple of weeks. *crying* I'm gonna miss my friends, and Jonathan since my friends are all going to different college, I know I still have Jonathan since he's going to the same colleges as me, but he's taking 6 months off after school, and he's gonna finish off his spring semester at the community college that I'm going to for a year after high school and then he's gonna go to UTD which is where I'm also planning to go to after community college, so me and Jon are gonna be separated for 6 months, maybe more depending which location he goes to, because for the community college, there are different campuses on different locations. I'm hoping he'll come to the same location as me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm gonna miss my friends that are going to different colleges, and anime club too, Anime club was the only thing other than Jonathan, that I look forward to at school....

[kavi ~he-him~]

HAYFA wrote: "Noooo , why ≥ ≤"

something came up

[kavi ~he-him~]

also anime, it's because of anime that I met Jonathan, we met in anime club.


and technically it's kind of because of my cousin I met Jonathan even tho she lives so far away and has never met Jonathan and doesn't know it's because of her I met Jonathan

[kavi ~he-him~]

because My cousin is the one that got me into anime, which I am grateful for cause anime is life. And then I started going to anime club in 10th grade which wasn't very active, then in 11th grade I continued to go to anime club where I met Jonathan, well the 2nd anime club meeting was where I actually first saw him, and then the next day we met and became friends, and now look at us

[kavi ~he-him~]

my demons are back, and I've fallen, not literally but emotionally, and everything is crashing.....I have a breaking down feeling but I have to hold it in and stay strong because I can't let anyone see me broken

[kavi ~he-him~]

I am scared.....I'm tired....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I nearly broke down after I got out of the shower but I had to hold it in, it's not healthy I know but not a good time to cry

[kavi ~he-him~]

I graduate from school and I go to college soon, I'm excited but I'm also nervous....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'd always expected college to be like a new life, at least different then the things were here, because I've always struggled to fit in, but at the same time.....what if things still stay the same in college? what if the ppl there don't like me? what if I get bullied again? I'd been bullied once....it's not a good memory and I don't want to be bullied again....

[kavi ~he-him~]

my parents, teachers, the adults, expect me to open up to others and they want me to open up and ask for help when I need it, but what if I don't want to open up? what if I don't want to come out of my shell?

[kavi ~he-him~]

that shell is like my protection, because I don't want any more fake friends, I don't want to get hurt again, and I don't want to hang around the ppl that don't want me or care for me, I tend to feel more alone in a crowd full of ppl then I do when I'm completely alone

[kavi ~he-him~]

some things I hate more than bullying, I hate bullying but I hate backstabbers/fake ppl more, I hate it when someone tries to pretend to be someone they are not, I hate when someone tries to pretend to be my friend or pretend to like me, only to stab me in the back later

[kavi ~he-him~]

the thing is, I like being alone, but at the same time, I like making friends, even tho I have difficulties making friends

[kavi ~he-him~]

but now....idk if I want to let ppl in anymore, I don't want to get attached or too close to ppl, because I don't want to end up broken and shattered, despite the fact that I am already broken, but ppl leave, everyone always leaves me eventually, everyone always gets tired of me, and replaces me after a while, everyone always has someone that they will always choose over me, I've been left out and replaced before.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't wanna bother anyone.....I don't want to annoy anyone.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate reality

[kavi ~he-him~]

reality just NEEDS to keep slapping me in the face

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need bvb

[kavi ~he-him~]

bvb seems to be able to calm me down and comfort me

[kavi ~he-him~]

if it hadn't been for GR or BVB or music in general....I....dk what I would've done....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Idk if anyone knows this....but I'm kind of holding on by a thick string

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm scared to sleep....I'm scared I'm gonna break down.....I'm close to tears....

[kavi ~he-him~]

my mom doesn't even know the state that I am in rn.....I'm scared.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm gonna go to bed.....bye guys.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I cried a little last night....

[kavi ~he-him~]

My suicidal thoughts are back and worse than before.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm back in that really bad and dark emotional place again......