~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 4,451-4,500 of 20,355

[[deleted user]]

*Mutters* He better...

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas, we have a lot of time actually we're going to the same colleges!! I'm just hoping nothing happens in those 6 months that he has off for loans

[[deleted user]]

*Mutters again* Nothing better happen....XD

[blue]

Helloooo

[kavi ~he-him~]

BLUE

[blue]

HEY KAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD I MISSED U SO MUCH IM SO SICK OF THIS DRAMA *hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

I MISSED YOU TOO!! same here!!! *hugs*

[blue]

*hugs* HOW ARE U DOING?? XD LOL SORRY IM SO HYPER TODAY

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't find my 3ds :( I was going to take it to school and play it :(

[kavi ~he-him~]

So I finally finished my book last night after MONTHS

[kavi ~he-him~]

Well actually I finished the book the night before, but I was just reading the glossary

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm shipping:

Magnus x Alex
Amir x Sam

[kavi ~he-him~]

It was good. I just love that feeling when you open a book and it feels like an escape to another world an escape from my problems and reality because reality sucks.

[kavi ~he-him~]

So on Thursday, my English class is going to go to the library and get a book, any book we want, what book should I get?

[[deleted user]]

The Girl of Fire and Thorns

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm thinking of getting Cinder

[[deleted user]]

Do it!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I WILL!! I actually have some books I need to finish but Cinder is on my mind

[[deleted user]]

KAVY!

[kavi ~he-him~]

LEE

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm just gonna hope that the book Cinder is there in the library

[[deleted user]]

YAY!

[kavi ~he-him~]

And no one would get Cinder before I do

[[deleted user]]

how come

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm hoping no one gets Cinder before I do

[Hallie]

Cinder is pretty good! :) *fingers crossed that you get it*

[blue]

I love cinder

[kavi ~he-him~]

It's funny....how a guy/someone can just come in your life and change a lot of things, change the way you think, change your life o.o

[kavi ~he-him~]

I used to be like "books before boys" "I only want to date or fall in love with Fictional characters only" "books are better than most ppl" "The good guys only exist in the books or irl" because the books are like my best friends. And then I meet Jonathan and now look at me

[kavi ~he-him~]

I still love books and fictional characters tho

[NerdyJediGymnast]

❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "I still love books and fictional characters tho"

❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "I used to be like "books before boys" "I only want to date or fall in love with Fictional characters only" "books are better than most ppl" "The good guys only exist in the books or irl" because th..."

SAAAAAMMMMEEE

[kavi ~he-him~]

Before I met Jonathan, I felt like I didn't fit in, yes I've lived in the same place for a really long time gone to school with some of the ppl I've known since Kindergarten, tho some of them moved, and I still didn't fit in, I have difficulties making friends and keeping them, I felt out of place I felt like I didn't belong here and I felt unwanted, and useless and I had friends but I was still a loner, despite having friends. I wanted to move to Virginia where my best friend/cousin lived cause she was the only person that truly understands me and I love her and I wanted to started over badly. My parents wouldn't let me move. So I was desperately waiting for college because I thought that college = new life college = new opportunities, and I wanted to start over I wanted desperately to escape from my troubles, but then there is the thought that even if I did move or even after I go to college things would still stay the same and that I would never fit in, I'm an outcast was born one, and I'm different from everyone. The memories and flashbacks from my past keeps haunting me. My old friends had moved away and I was really sad but I still stayed positive and I was still cheerful, my depression took over me when I was 14, and I started to feel emotional pain in my heart, it hurt so much I could feel it physically, I started getting suicidal thoughts after my ex-friend hurt me really badly in 9th grade, her words had shattered my heart and I started falling even more, I felt unwanted I felt left out and I didn't know if I had any real friends. And I started developing trust issues, and couldn't trust a lot of ppl without getting hurt. Because that last time I trusted someone I ended up getting my heart shattered badly, and I also used to feel like no guy would ever want someone like me, and that I was going to end up alone forever I don't mind being alone rn since I'm only in High School, but I really don't want to be alone for my whole life, I like being alone but I don't like being lonely and I don't like the feelings of loneliness. Those feelings are terrible, I've felt it before. And then I meet Jonathan, and then everything changes.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

My depression is still here and I still get the suicidal thoughts not all the time, sometimes I still feel lonely even tho I have friends that love me and sometimes I start getting the feelings that my friends don't care for me even tho I know they don't. Everyday I put on a fake smile trying to pretend that everything is okay. Tho I don't smile as much as I used to and when I do it's fake. But whenever I'm around Jonathan, I....feel safe.....safe from my insecurities and reality.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like breaking down.....talking about this stuff makes me want to cry

[kavi ~he-him~]

No I need to go and let out all of my emotions

[kavi ~he-him~]

In the bathroom now and trying to cry and let out all of my emotions because I need that rn, but the tears won't come.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't want to go to lunch and then start crying in front of my friends

[[deleted user]]

Kavy?

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sorry just need to let out my emotions because I don't want to keep them bottled in, crying helps me sometimes.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Screw it going to lunch now

[[deleted user]]

Please don't commit suicide.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "Please don't commit suicide."

I'm not gonna do it Trelas!!! It's just some thoughts!! I can't control those thoughts!!

[[deleted user]]

Kavy, please!!! Control them!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

Oh yeah today is my best friend's birthday

[[deleted user]]

Happy birthday

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "Kavy, please!!! Control them!!"

I can't Trelas I don't know how to

[kavi ~he-him~]

Okay I regret not eating lunch today. i didn't eat lunch today because I didn't feel like it. But now I regret it because I am so hungry!!!

[blue]

❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "Okay I regret not eating lunch today. i didn't eat lunch today because I didn't feel like it. But now I regret it because I am so hungry!!!"

Aw. *hugs* Eat something now

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't have any food with me rn, I'm on the bus. As soon as I'm getting home I'm getting something to eat *hugs*

[blue]

Ooh okay *hug*