~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 4,301-4,350 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

The problem is tho....I'm one of the nicest ppl....I'm soft-heart.....I'm the type of person that can never hurt someone, would never leave anyone. And wants to help other ppl. And then I'm the one that gets hurt, I'm the one that gets left with a broken and shattered heart, I get left out of things I attract haters I used to be bullies. *sighs* like, I'm one of the nicest ppl, and I get hurt and I go through so much.....this world is messed up.....it's ALWAYS me that gets hurts, it's ALWAYS the most kindest and nicest ppl that have to go through so much....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "I can't to, I don't have it in me at all to fight someone even to protect a great friends of mine."

I want to be able to protect my friends tho....

[kavi ~he-him~]

That's why....I'm now afraid get too close to others even if I do trust someone I have to keep an eye on them watching them with the fear that eventually they'll leave. Because EVERYONE always eventually leave me

[[deleted user]]

But Kavy, its natural to see people leave, from 2nd Grade to 8th, I have seen too many friends pass by and too many that could have potentially been in an even more special relationship. All of them, gone in the wind, but I can deal. I have dealt with it for some time, I have gotten used to it. But thats no reason to push someone away.

[Wolf (Alpha)]

Trelas wrote: "I can't to, I don't have it in me at all to fight someone even to protect a great friends of mine."

Trelas, you are like the one who keep us all together. Everyone has their parts in a friendship. I'm the fighter, Kavy's the mother, your the one who conforts. You can't be someone you are not.

[kavi ~he-him~]

for me, it's hard for me to deal, because it hurts like hell, because some of those "friends" I was kind of close to them because I used to get attached easily, but eventually they left hurting me in the process.......granted, by now I've gotten used to getting hurt, used to ppl leaving, used to being hated by ppl for no reason but it doesn't stop the fact that it breaks my heart everytime someone leaves.....I know I shouldn't care.....I don't want to care.....I act like I don't care but Inside it hurts like hell....sorry for my language

[kavi ~he-him~]

For me, Emotional pain is worse than physical pain. Physical pain can heal with time, tho sometimes they leave scars, but emotional pain, it stays forever and it eats at me, sometimes I'm happy for the pain because it makes me stronger than before, pain makes your strong, but at the same time it kills me inside.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate this feeling.....I feel so alone and lonely and empty and idk what I can do.....I know I'm not alone I know that I have friends both online and irl that love me even tho my irl friends don't know.....but I still feel lonely and alone....I feel even more alone in a crowd full of ppl then I do when I'm completely alone in a room.....

[[deleted user]]

Wolf wrote: "Trelas wrote: "I can't to, I don't have it in me at all to fight someone even to protect a great friends of mine."

Trelas, you are like the one who keep us all together. Everyone has their parts i..."

Oh, thank you Tura, that made me feel great and you're right, I don't need to be someone I'm not at all.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I like being alone cause being alone is better than being with ppl that don't want me....and you can't get hurt....but at the same time I don't like being alone all the time because it's when I'm alone, those thoughts and feelings attack me....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Right now the only things that are keeping me together keeping me from falling apart, keeping me alive:

-My Jonathan
-Music
-all of my favorite bands
-Books
-Goodreads
-my friends/family on GR
-Anime
-my friends at school even tho they don't know it

[kavi ~he-him~]

My head hurts.....

[Wolf (Alpha)]

Trelas wrote: "Wolf wrote: "Trelas wrote: "I can't to, I don't have it in me at all to fight someone even to protect a great friends of mine."

Trelas, you are like the one who keep us all together. Everyone has ..."

Most people try to be someone they are not. We should just act like our normal selves and be happy.

[Wolf (Alpha)]

❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "My head hurts....."

Are you okay?

[kavi ~he-him~]

Wolf wrote: "Trelas wrote: "Wolf wrote: "Trelas wrote: "I can't to, I don't have it in me at all to fight someone even to protect a great friends of mine."

Trelas, you are like the one who keep us all together..."

I agree

[kavi ~he-him~]

Wolf wrote: "❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "My head hurts....."

Are you okay?"

No....I get headaches often....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I miss my best friend Meytal....she was my first best friend my first true friend, that I had, we'd been friends since fourth grade but she moved to Israel so now she's all the way across the world

[kavi ~he-him~]

We're still in touch....but it's not the same as being closer to each other.....I miss her so much.....

[Wolf (Alpha)]

❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "I miss my best friend Meytal....she was my first best friend my first true friend that I had, we'd been friends since fourth grade but she moved to Israel so now she's all the way across the world"

That's a bummer.

[kavi ~he-him~]

When she moved away during middle school....I was upset and I cried cause she was my only best friend at the time and I had to find a new best friend, I didn't want to replace Meytal but I needed a best friend here too, but I had difficulty finding new friends I hung out with some ppl but I was never really their friend.....but Meytal.....she's the type of person that CAN'T be replaced....everyday after she moved I'd never stopped thinking about her, even now I still miss her.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like it's fate that brought us together

[kavi ~he-him~]

My best friend, Meytal, my Jonathan, my cousin.

All three of them are the type of ppl that can't be replaced I love them too much and if something happened to them, I'd die.....

[Wolf (Alpha)]

Same.

Those who if something happened to them I would die
My cousin (I consider him my brother)
My uncles
My dad
My boyfriend
My friend.

[kavi ~he-him~]

My Jonathan.....I can feel something really strong trying to pull us back together, and whenever I'm around him, or by his side, I have the urge to lean on his shoulder or hug him tightly for a really long time, when we get back together I'm hugging him tightly, for a long time, and never let him go, well eventually I do have to let go but still....I mean I do give him hugs but they are not that long, I'd been sitting next to him whenever I can during lunch, lately

[kavi ~he-him~]

also today, during lunch while I was sitting next to him, his chair was kind of close to mine O_O like so close that if I lean, I can lean on his shoulder O_O

[[deleted user]]

THEN LEAN ON HIS SHOULDER!!!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

dear god, just thinking about Jon....

[kavi ~he-him~]

geez.....he makes me feel self-conscious about myself.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

also after lunch when I hugged him, he hugged me tightly to him so that my body was pressed against his O_O

[[deleted user]]

Kavy!!!!!!! TOUCH HIM more!!! Wow, that sounded....weird.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "Kavy!!!!!!! TOUCH HIM more!!! Wow, that sounded....weird."

lmao that sounded wrong.....me and my dirty mind XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

also when I hugged him, I felt warmth in my chest, I didn't feel that same warmth when I hugged Annette and Alana

[[deleted user]]

AlexGamer (Account got deleted) wrote: "Wait what?!?! Tre ur profanity!!"

Oh, uh, uhhhhh, oh. He...She...Uhm, *backs away*

[[deleted user]]

Masi (Or Masai) wrote: "Trelas wrote: "Kavy!!!!!!! TOUCH HIM more!!! Wow, that sounded....weird."

Okkkayyyy. XD"

XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

XD guys!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

for some reason....I don't feel the need to lie to Jon about being okay or how I am anymore.....I don't feel the need to hide anything from him....tho he still doesn't know about my Anxiety, or my fears of getting attached, but I will tell him soon....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't like hiding things from ppl, especially the ones I love, even tho I do it anyways, because it's hard for me to open up about my feelings, tho I tell Jon a lot of things

[kavi ~he-him~]

for some reason, I don't feel scared that Jon will leave me anymore, because if he wanted to leave me, he would've done it a long time ago.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jonathan, I feel like it's fate that we met, it's fate that brought us together just like it did with my best friend

[kavi ~he-him~]

when we first met.....I didn't know how much of an important role he was gonna play in my life....until I started developing feelings for him and falling for him......

[kavi ~he-him~]

oh yeah, funny story, Jonathan got nominated as Prom King, and HE'S NOT EVEN GOING TO PROM LMAO

[[deleted user]]

Ha, now that is very interesting....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "Ha, now that is very interesting...."

Ikr, imagine everyone voting for Jonathan as Prom King, and he gets the Prom King title, and they announce the Prom King and Prom Queen, but Jon doesn't show up because he is not at prom, he is with us for non-prom

[kavi ~he-him~]

we'll see

[kavi ~he-him~]

AlexGamer (Account got deleted) wrote: "Katy, i love her in real life... Since I made a girl friends on group chat can I be the prom king?... PLEASE EVERYONE VOTES FOR JOHN I JUST GOT HERE NOONE UNDERSTANDS MEEE"

also I'm talking about a different Jonathan then the one on GR, I'm talking about the one that I love and the one in my school. And I'm not talking about the GR prom I'm talking about the prom at my school cause my school prom is on Saturday

[kavi ~he-him~]

AlexGamer (Account got deleted) wrote: "❄️Princess K (Kavy Fullbuster) of Books and music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "AlexGamer (Account got deleted) wrote: "Katy, i love her in real life... Since I made a girl ..."

well, I've never really payed attention to his looks, I payed more attention to his personality because he is amazing

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

HI KAVY

[kavi ~he-him~]

Stressed

[Verse 1]
There is so many things going on.
I don't know how I can handle them.
Everyone expects things out of me.
Everyone expects me to do something.

School is only about the grades now.
How do I deal with this?
Living up to other people's expectations is hard.
I feel like I can't do anything right.

[Chorus]
I feel so stressed.
I don't know how I can handle this.
I feel like I'm breaking under this pressure.
I don't do well under pressure.

[Verse 2]
I don't want to live up to other people's expectations.
Living up to other people's expectations is hard to do.
I just want to do my own thing and be my own self.
I just want to live up to my own expectations.
Is that too much to ask for?

[Chorus]
I feel so stressed.
I don't know how I can handle this.
I feel like I'm breaking under this pressure
I don't do well under pressure.

[Bridge]
Why is it so hard?
How do I deal with all this stress?
I don't know how I can handle them.
I'm tired of trying to live,
up to other people's expectation.

[Chorus x3]
I feel so stressed.
I don't know how I can handle this.
I feel like I'm breaking under this pressure.
I don't do well under pressure.

-Kavy

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lmao, in 3rd period a sub came in and she just let us all leave XD so I just went to the Library. XD

[[deleted user]]

How is life Kavy?