~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 2,601-2,650 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

I trust Gameslayer I really do.....he's the only person in my school that I can trust.....but I'm still scared that he'll leave.....

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Tho sometimes now that we're not together anymore sometimes I get thoughts that he doesn't care and it's hard to see it because like my mind says he doesn't care and then my intuition says he does,..."

Kavy, why the world do you keep having depressing thoughts about Gameslayer, HE LOVES YOU!!!

[NerdyJediGymnast]

HE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE YOU!!! Men dont like to admit it first, but he do

[[deleted user]]

NerdyJediGymnast wrote: "HE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE YOU!!! Men dont like to admit it first, but he do"

Its true, I should know.

[jericho]

NerdyJediGymnast wrote: "HE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE YOU!!! Men dont like to admit it first, but he do"
What Nerdy said is true...

[Robyn-]

I AGREE WITH YOU BOTH

[Robyn-]

(sorry for yelling ))

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas, it's because of my past and I'd been hurt too many times, I used to trust ppl too easily but because I've been hurt too many times it's so hard to trust ppl. And see if they really do care. It's not just Gameslayer but I have those thoughts about my other school friends too. When you've been hurt a lot, you start to get the fear of trusting ppl. And I've been blinded by my depression, not physically blinded like I can see but you know what I mean, I've been blinded like I know that ppl love me and care for me but it's hard to feel it.....I know my friends at school want me, but it's hard to feel it....depression sucks.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've been told I was worthless once.....I've been told so many times that no one likes me....I'd been bullied in elementary and preschool, I've been hated by so many ppl for no reason for most of my life now, I had fake friends that hurt me and don't make effort to stay and then in the end it's ALWAYS me that has to put all the effort and then ME the one who always gets hurt.....Sometimes I get feelings like I'm useless or worthless I try not to believe it but it's so hard, and it's hard not to believe the person that told me that no one likes me.....There is so much pain in my heart rn and my heart is still broken and shattered and I can't be fixed and even if I can be fixed it's gonna take me YEARS to fully heal.....I've been at the pointed where I wanted to give up but I knew that the ppl I love would die inside if I killed myself so I stayed for them I kept trying to live for the ppl I love but it's hard but I still kept going because I wanted to live for my friends but because of the past I got to the point where even I hate myself and idk how to love myself again, I look in the mirror and I see all my insecurities staring at me....it sucks.....

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas, it's because of my past and I'd been hurt too many times, I used to trust ppl too easily but because I've been hurt too many times it's so hard to trust ppl. And see if they really do care...."

I'm just wondering, do you have the ability to unwind and relax and actually not spend time worrying if Gameslayer isn't who he is? By asking this, I'm saying are you doing this yourself, making yourself worry or is it just permanent because of the past and how many times you have been hurt?

[kavi ~he-him~]

NerdyJediGymnast wrote: "HE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE YOU!!! Men dont like to admit it first, but he do"

O_O Sitting next to him rn

[NerdyJediGymnast]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "NerdyJediGymnast wrote: "HE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEE YOU!!! Men dont like to admit it first, but he do"

O_O Sitting next to him rn"

KISS THE BOY ON THE CHEEK

[kavi ~he-him~]

We were walking to lunch together and I started telling him about seeing another Kavya on Pinterest

[kavi ~he-him~]

Trelas wrote: "Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas, it's because of my past and I'd been hurt too many times, I used to trust ppl too easily but because I've been hur..."

It's because of the past and how many times I got hurt, because most of the times whenever I get attached or too close to someone I get hurt -_- Gameslayer was like that first person that accepted me for me and didn't leave and stayed even tho I messed things up or at least I think I did, I told him about my past and I mentioned that I felt useless and he said I wasn't and he still stayed even tho I was expecting him too

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas wrote: "Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas, it's because of my past and I'd been hurt too many times, I used to trust ppl too easily but becaus..."

Believe in the guy Kavy, believe in him!!!

[NerdyJediGymnast]

Trelas wrote: "Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas wrote: "Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Trelas, it's because of my past ..."
BELIEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Robyn-]

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

B.E.L.I.E.V.E.!!!!!!!!!!!

[[deleted user]]

"IF YOU JUST BELIEVE!" (Polar Express)

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'll try, but I'm also afraid that I might accidentally push him away or hurt him because of the state I'm in atm,

[kavi ~he-him~]

Robyn- wrote: "YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

B.E.L.I.E.V.E.!!!!!!!!!!!"

SIS

[[deleted user]]

Back in 2016, both summer drivers Ed class and fall Creative Writing classes, I was having a hard time making friends.

Now, in teen youth group or camp is different. But public school places isn't easy.

I've been bullied and some of my past classmates hurt me and betrayed me. (Long time ago there.)

[kavi ~he-him~]

Making friends for me is difficult but it's even more harder to find ppl who will stay. Gameslayer is good at making friends and he find friends so easily.....and he is more outgoing, but me....I'm extremely shy, and making friends is difficult for me. Sometimes I wonder how Gameslayer can make friends so easily.....talking is easy for him, but for me.....it's just hard.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ughhhh I'm unable to focus on my work......I'm supposed to be working on an essay, but I can't focus due to my thinking and feelings

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel so depressed and trapped in this darkness and I can't get out.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel stuck, I feel like I'm drowning and suffocating

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "I feel stuck, I feel like I'm drowning and suffocating"

Kaaavvvvyyyyy!!!

[[deleted user]]

Stop thiss.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't I don't know how to, my depression is taking over me and Idk what to do. Idk how to control it or stop it. My thoughts are at it again

[kavi ~he-him~]

*sighs* I was doing so good....last week....I was doing better than before I was still depressed but trying to be positive and trying to think positive....I was doing okay.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

And now on Friday I relapsed so now everything is crashing down again

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "*sighs* I was doing so good....last week....I was doing better than before I was still depressed but trying to be positive and trying to think positive....I was doing okay....."

*Puts head down and grabs at hair while frowning* This really sucks. I need a 100% Kavy and 100% Nerdy to continue being happy. Nerdy is okay now but Kavy, this depression, what is happening?!

[NerdyJediGymnast]

KAVY NO

[kavi ~he-him~]

This stinks Depression, is like a storm, it's there but you can't see it, it's there circling around you. And then it clears up, and you think you're getting better but then it comes back and then you crash down harder than before. Happened to me so many times already

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "This stinks Depression, is like a storm, it's there but you can't see it, it's there circling around you. And then it clears up, and you think you're getting better but then it comes back and then ..."

Kavy, Kavy, Kavy.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've been in this depression for YEARS now, I've been having suicidal thoughts for YEARS now.....idk how to control them. I fake my happiness I fake my smile, no one here knows how broken I am on the inside....everyone is fooled by my smile except for Gameslayer. It's amazing.....how much a smile can hide.....the suicidal thoughts went away for a while but now they are back.....it sucks.....but I have to live for the ppl I love

[Wolf (Alpha)]

KAVY!!!
TRE TRE!!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hey Tura

[kavi ~he-him~]

One of my fav songs came on

[kavi ~he-him~]

I didn't even eat lunch on Friday, Monday, or today because I didn't feel like it besides a bag of pretzels

[[deleted user]]

Wolf (Tura) wrote: "KAVY!!!
TRE TRE!!!"

HEY TURA!!!

[[deleted user]]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "I didn't even eat lunch on Friday, Monday, or today because I didn't feel like it besides a bag of pretzels"

U gotta eat Kavy!

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

I told the teacher I had a rough couple of days and my teacher gave me a candy bar ^.^

[[deleted user]]

I have to act normal to my church friends, but I can't fool my family. My family knows who I really am, but my friends don't know.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Even my own family is fooled by my fake smile....

[ashrey]

MY MOTHER IS FINALLY GONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[ashrey]

MWAHAHAHAHAH
I AM HERE

[NerdyJediGymnast]

Ash wrote: "MWAHAHAHAHAH
I AM HERE"

TWIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN

[kavi ~he-him~]

My dad says that they can see that I'm lying because they've known me forever but they can't see how much I hide behind my smile. They know about my depression and anxiety but they don't understand....and they will never truly understand me....they tell me to "be happy" or to smile naturally not forcefully but really it's not that simple, just telling someone to "be happy" doesn't help.....it's not really as easy. Sometimes it's easier said than done.....

[ashrey]

Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "My dad says that they can see that I'm lying because they've known me forever but they can't see how much I hide behind my smile. They know about my depression and anxiety but they don't understand..."

i agree.
My mother is ALWAYS telling me i'm always so sad :(

[ashrey]

NerdyJediGymnast wrote: "Ash wrote: "MWAHAHAHAHAH
I AM HERE"

TWIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNN"

Elllo!