~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 17,051-17,100 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ now my Twitter child hurt themselves because I hurt myself. They said that if the ppl that they love hurt themself. And I hurt myself yesterday now they hurt themself and they told me that their bf said that if they cut then he’d cut too....this is my fault.... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ why do I have to be like this? Why did I have to hurt myself yesterday? I mean I didn’t want to do it but the urge was too strong and I just couldn’t fight it (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ 6 months I went 6 months without hurting myself and now yesterday... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "[spoilers removed]"

*hugs* It's not your fault. They chose to do that."

But they did it because of me *hugs and cries*

[kavi ~he-him~]

They did it because they didn’t want me to do it alone

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't stop feeling guilty I can't stop feeling bad about yesterday

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I should never have done it....I should never have hurt myself yesterday..... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I know it's yesterday and what's done is done and I can't change what happened but.... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ if I hadn't done it.....my friend wouldn't have done it....then their bf wouldn't have done it.....because my friend hurt themself because I hurt myself, and now their bf hurt himself because they hurt themself....this is my fault.... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've laughed I joked around I smiled a bit today but I'm still not okay

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want SOW

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love SOW. they are always so nice and kind to me

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate how I keep feeling like I annoy everyone even if they tell me I'm not annoying
I hate how I have to constantly ask for reassurances for things
I hate how I say sorry too much
I hate these feelings

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want them all to go away and never come back

[kavi ~he-him~]

oml my favorite singer, Juliet Simms came out with a new single yesterday AND IT IS AMAZING HER VOICE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND POWERFUL

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love her so much

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love her more then I love Andy Biersack sorry Andy I still love Andy but Juliet is just so beautiful

[kavi ~he-him~]

also Andy already gets a lot of love, Juliet needs more love too I love her

[kavi ~he-him~]

so anyways

[kavi ~he-him~]

I am in a SOW fan group on Facebook created by my friend

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I'm a moderator on there

[kavi ~he-him~]

and my friends and I are organizing a SOW fan meet up

[kavi ~he-him~]

My friends are organizing the UK SOW fan meet up because they are in the Uk and I'm in the US so I'm organizing the US SOW fan meet up

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have the dates and place

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm thinking the meet up is going to be on August 3rd, 6-9 pm, in Dallas tx at a park close by to me

[kavi ~he-him~]

so I guess it's set then. I'm working on a flyer now

[kavi ~he-him~]

Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "I'm thinking the meet up is going to be on August 3rd, in Dallas tx at a park close by to me"

Also, IT'S ON MY BIRTHDAY

[kavi ~he-him~]

no I did not organize the meet up on that day just because it's my birthday but I felt like it would be a good day. It's in the summer and on a Friday so it could be a good day

[kavi ~he-him~]

and the SOW guys might come I told them they should come

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jeremy says he can't wait for the meet up and he hopes they are able to come!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

SQUEEE

[kavi ~he-him~]

SOW CONSIDERS ME AS THEIR FRIEND

[kavi ~he-him~]

AND I CONSIDER THEM AS MY FRIENDS

[kavi ~he-him~]

\\\Shadow of Alex\\\ SOW #8
‏
@RvnvwayTPR

@ShadowOfWhales I look up to you guys. You guys are so inspiring and so caring and nice and kind and sweet. I love you guys

1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
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\\\Shadow of Whales\\\
‏

@ShadowOfWhales
Following Following @ShadowOfWhales
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Replying to @RvnvwayTPR
We love you too!!! So glad we are friends

3:17 PM - 29 Apr 2018

[kavi ~he-him~]

every time I keep thinking I annoy SOW, they keep proving me wrong because they still love me and care for me

[kavi ~he-him~]

seriously what did I do to deserve SOW? how did I get so lucky to have them in my life? What would I do without SOW in my life? They are the light in my life.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like Shadow of Whales, is the light in my life. Shadow of Whales is that one thing that will always lead me back to the light. When I fall, they are there to catch me. They keep me safe from the dark place in my mind. They keep me safe from the demons inside me, they keep me safe from my pain. I feel like even if I am in a dark place place rn, Shadow of Whales will always be able to reach through and get through to me no matter how bad and broken I feel. They are keeping me from losing hope. Shadow of Whales is my safe place and my safe haven. They are the light in my depression. They are the light in my darkness. They are the light in my life.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Last week, I fell really hard and deep. like really deep. I went down so low....and I was in that dark place again but SOW kept me from losing hope. I was scared because I was so low (view spoiler)[ like I was so low to the point where I hurt myself (hide spoiler)]....and wasn't doing good mentally and emotionally wise. And I was like hurting so badly inside, But SOW was there, even tho I fell really deep, I was thinking of SOW and SOW was there and they kept me from losing hope. They kept me from giving up. They kept me alive.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Everytime I think negatively about myself. I think of SOW and they calm my negative thoughts down, they calm my demons down. basically the demons inside me can't hurt me when SOW is around.

[kavi ~he-him~]

okay well they can hurt me sometimes when the demons are really strong, like so strong for me to fight.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but not when Sow is around

[kavi ~he-him~]

When Sow is around the bad thoughts will calm down

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate anxiety
I hate depression
I hate having both at the same time

[kavi ~he-him~]

my depression needs to go away and take its friend Anxiety with it

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need to work on loving myself and bring my self-esteem up but it's difficult

[kavi ~he-him~]

seriously SOW is always so nice and kind to me

[kavi ~he-him~]

OML MY FRIEND WHO HASN’T BEEN ACTIVE IN 2 YEARS FINALLY CAME BACK ON

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel sad and low again

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't stop thinking about the weekend when I fell deep