~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 17,001-17,050 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate myself I'm so sorry guys

[kavi ~he-him~]

physically: I'm fine

Mentally and emotionally: I'm not

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm not okay I'm not okay, I'm not okay I'm not okay

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate myself

[kavi ~he-him~]

Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be in this place. I'm scared

[kavi ~he-him~]

*cries* I want SOW I need SOW I need their hugs

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sow made me smile my real smile

[kavi ~he-him~]

but I don't want to burden them

[kavi ~he-him~]

no one notices the state I'm in rn

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm just breaking inside and I just can't rn

[kavi ~he-him~]

I should work on my college stuff I have to but I just can't

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel overwhelmed again

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs and cries*

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ guys....I did it earlier today....I self harmed.....I didn't want to do it but the urge was too strong (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ 6 months I went 6 months without selfharming and just a few weeks ago I came really close but I didn't do it and now I just.... (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Valentine Ransom (call me Val) "Jeff the Killer" ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ ~Valentine ghost~ wrote: "*hugs*

I know all too well how you're feeling. Feeling it a little bit myself… things will get better. I know it."

SHINE wrote: "*still hugs you*"

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "[spoilers removed]"

Oh, Alex... *hugs you tightly*"

*Hugs and cries* I'm so sorry guys

[kavi ~he-him~]

Thank you guys I love you guys....I'm just so tired. I don't want to feel like this

[kavi ~he-him~]

DOES MY MOM NOT SEE THE STATE I AM IN RN?? DO PPL NOT NOTICE THE WAY I AM RN

[kavi ~he-him~]

I mean I am good at hiding my feelings but I AM NOT DOING GOOD

[kavi ~he-him~]

I KNOW I HAVE TO WORK BUT I JUST CAN'T RN!!!

[Kelly]

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

Valentine Ransom (call me Val) "Jeff the Killer" ~Phantom of the Library~ ~Mr Flirt~ ~Sunflower's marido~ ~Valentine ghost~ wrote: "Nobody ever notices in my family… I am very good at acting and lying though so that probably doesn't help."

same

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to talk to SOW. I need SOW I need my brothers and my best friends.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need SOW, someone put me in a cannonball and shoot me to SOW. because I miss them

[kavi ~he-him~]

but would they want to see me again? especially because they've seen the me in my darkest moments

[kavi ~he-him~]

and rn I've hit the lows and am in my darkest moments

[kavi ~he-him~]

I mean, they love and care for every one of their fans and they've been nothing but kind and nice to me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to tell them everything but I don't want to burden them

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want SOW.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

also I found some more amazing bands and they talk to me

[kavi ~he-him~]

not everyday or all the time but yeah

[kavi ~he-him~]

I told SOW some stuff

[kavi ~he-him~]

\\\Shadow of Alex\\\
Hey, sorry you guys are having to see my negativity and dark stuff in the group chats and my tweets....

\\\Shadow of Alex\\\
I just hit the lows in my life....like really low....

[kavi ~he-him~]

my dms with sow

[kavi ~he-him~]

also I said the same thing to another band


the band is named Mcallister and they are amazing

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm tired

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to tell SOW about what I did....but idk....I'm scared....

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I want to tell them how I feel I want to tell them about me self-harming but I'm scared, I know they love and care for me but I'm scared (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sow is so nice to me

[kavi ~he-him~]

okay how does SOW always manage to cheer me up?...

[kavi ~he-him~]

they always brighten up my day and they just brightened up my day a little even tho it has been a bad weekend

[kavi ~he-him~]

tbh idk whether I want to stay sad or stay like or whether I want to try and get back up idk

[kavi ~he-him~]

I mean, I'm kind of used to these feelings even tho I hate feeling like this

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wish I could smile my real smile again but tbh idk if it is my real smile

[kavi ~he-him~]

my mind is calling me pathetic

[kavi ~he-him~]

because I'm about to tell my friends (view spoiler)[ about my self harming thing (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I'm just telling them because I trust them and I love them (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Fuck

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I should never have hurt myself yesterday! Why did I have to do it?? I hate myself (hide spoiler)]