~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 16,901-16,950 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel so broken....I feel like I'm just breaking inside

[kavi ~he-him~]

tbh I already am broken so

[kavi ~he-him~]

tired of being in this place.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I thought things were getting better. I thought I was in a better place now....but was I wrong?

[kavi ~he-him~]

things are just falling....I'm just breaking....

[kavi ~he-him~]

nothing hurts me more then the ppl I love leaving me

[kavi ~he-him~]

I am one of the most loyal person there is I am always there for my friends I will always be there, I will never leave my friends or hurt them

[kavi ~he-him~]

but....sometimes it ends up with me getting hurt

[kavi ~he-him~]

why is it that whenever I get attached to ppl I end up get hurt?

[kavi ~he-him~]

like it always ME that gets hurt in the end.

[kavi ~he-him~]

like I'm always the one that's there for all my friends. I try and be there for every one of my friends. I love and care for all of my friends. I stay because of my friends. but eventually they are the ones to leave. THEY are always the ones to leave me, THEY are always the ones to stop trying THEY are always the ones to leave in the friendships, leaving me to either stop trying or keep trying until I get hurt, leaving me to end up getting hurt and feeling broken

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like I'm broken, no, I'm not just broken, I'm shattered.

[kavi ~he-him~]

there are only some ppl that actually stayed with me

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like I'm broken beyond repaired, and I can't be fixed.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "please don't leave Alex. *hugs*"

I won't leave *Hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

also

[kavi ~he-him~]

friends can break your heart too

[kavi ~he-him~]

thanks

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't want to deal with this pain anymore, I don't want to suffer anymore.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to go to sleep. I want to wake up and realize I'm just dreaming, I want to go to sleep. and sleep this pain away

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't want to deal with my depression anymore. but ughhhh

[kavi ~he-him~]

I just want to be happy, for longer

[kavi ~he-him~]

I smiled my real smile the day I met SOW

[kavi ~he-him~]

why can't things just stay like that?

[kavi ~he-him~]

I miss SOW I wish they were here so I could hug them and cry

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want SOW I love SOW

[kavi ~he-him~]

why is it for most of today I've been feeling really depressed and I've cried earlier today, and then I stopped crying and I sort of cheered up but then I fell and the tears came again and then I stopped crying and I was still depressed, and then I sort of cheered up but I fell again and I was still feeling really depressed, and now I'm still feeling depressed idk. I don't know how I really feel rn

[kavi ~he-him~]

I mean, I'm always depressed but I meant, feeling even more depressed.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've fallen. I've fallen deep

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to cry, I want to scream

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate this feeling I hate feeling this. I WANT IT ALL TO GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh...I feel so....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm back with the fake smiles

[kavi ~he-him~]

well the fake smiles only to have ppl see me as happy

[kavi ~he-him~]

earlier I was crying and I was home alone

[kavi ~he-him~]

I stopped crying for a while but then I almost started crying again and my parents came home and I just had to put on my fake smile and make it look like I wasn't crying at all

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "earlier I was crying and I was home alone"

:( *hugs you*"

SHINE wrote: "*Squish hugs Alex*"

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "I stopped crying for a while but then I almost started crying again and my parents came home and I just had to put on my fake smile and make it look like I wasn't crying at all"

I'm good at hiding my emotions, I'm good at hiding how I truly feel inside. I'm good at hiding my pain and sadness. like all I have to do is fake a smile and make it look like I'm happy

[kavi ~he-him~]

no one notices everyone is fooled by my smile

[kavi ~he-him~]

only Jon can see through my mask

[kavi ~he-him~]

idk about SOW tho. Idk if they can see through my mask or not

[kavi ~he-him~]

I mean they've met me, and they've seen me in my darkest moments and now I'm back in my bad place

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to go back to the day when I met SOW.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hope the day I get to meet SOW again comes soon

[kavi ~he-him~]

SOON

[kavi ~he-him~]

but idk when that day will be

[kavi ~he-him~]

I asked SOW if they can teleport here so I can hug them and they said that they are firing up their teleportation pads now

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel bad tho. because yesterday Jeremy tweeted this

Jeremy Boyum/QB3R_T
‏
@jeremyboyumsow

Last 6 months have been really stressful... so Meredith and I are traveling out to the middle of nowhere and taking a break for the weekend.
Sorry for any delayed responses on my or @ShadowOfWhales twitter.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I was wanting to make something for Jeremy because I wanted him to be happy because I love him and I love all the SOW guys and I care for them all