~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 16,801-16,850 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

so 4 days ago, I threw my blade away

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ and after I threw it away, I had the urge to self-harm, for the past couple of days after I threw the blade away I had the urge to self-harm, it was strong but I got through the urge to self-harm and no I did not hurt myself. And then last night, the urge to self-harm came back again, and I threw my blade away and the urge was strong, and I was crying while I was getting ready to take a bath and it was really difficult to fight the urge and I walked over and took a push pin off the wall and I took it into the shower with me, and the urge was too strong and I couldn't fight it, and I came really close, to self-harm, I almost did it....but instead I put the push pin down and I started singing Runaway, and it helped calm me down and so, I didn't self-harm, I didn't do anything bad, I just sang runaway, and I got through another self-harm urge, even tho it was strong. (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "[spoilers removed]"

*hugs* I'm glad you didn't do it."

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

so now every time I feel sad or I feel like the urge to self-harm and it's too strong, I'm gonna sing Runaway

[kavi ~he-him~]

I think I'm going to tell SOW everything now

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like I can tell SOW anything

[kavi ~he-him~]

like I feel like I can't hide anything from them and I don't want to hide anything from them

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like I can tell SOW anything without getting scared

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love that I can tell them anything without having to hide anything from them

[kavi ~he-him~]

they just make me feel so safe and secure and loved and happy

[kavi ~he-him~]

okay, seriously, SOW is amazing, they are awesome and I just love talking to them and I love their music I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT SOW

[kavi ~he-him~]

so, I did this earlier

[kavi ~he-him~]

Look at Jeremy, he's the one on my left

[kavi ~he-him~]

basically I gave him the viking helmet and the viking beard XD

[Hallie]

Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "so, I did this earlier

"

xD

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hallie wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "so, I did this earlier

"

xD"

I can't stop laughing over this XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

this happened because of this convo

[kavi ~he-him~]

https://twitter.com/Polomonkey44/stat...

https://twitter.com/Polomonkey44/stat...

https://twitter.com/RvnvwayTPR/status...

so basically my friend posted a pic with Jeremy's head with a chicken and she said Chick boyum and it translated to chick height

[kavi ~he-him~]

https://twitter.com/ShadowOfWhales/st...

[kavi ~he-him~]

https://twitter.com/Polomonkey44/stat...

[kavi ~he-him~]

https://twitter.com/ShadowOfWhales/st...

Jeremy's last name is Boyum

[kavi ~he-him~]

https://twitter.com/OtherSideRevie1/s...


https://twitter.com/RvnvwayTPR/status...

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I asked Jeremy if he is a viking and he said lol I guess

[kavi ~he-him~]

so I just went and gave Jeremy a viking helmet and viking beard


he actually looks great like that

[kavi ~he-him~]

oh and also, the SOW livestreams are the best

[Hallie]

Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "so, I did this earlier

"

xD"

I can't stop laughing over this XD"

Me too! I literally laughed out loud when I saw this xD

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel sad and low today for some reason



I think I fell down emotionally. it happens a lot.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I LOVE SOW


sow is my heroes

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ I think I'm going to tell my twitter friends and SOW about my self harm thing....only because I trust them, and I feel they should know.... (hide spoiler)]

[edge]

sow? you don't mean pigs right?

[edge]

OH. oh

[kavi ~he-him~]

edge wrote: "sow? you don't mean pigs right?"

no it's Shadow of Whales XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wrote BVB and SOW lyrics on my wrist

[kavi ~he-him~]

I now wrote, AA and Palaye Royale lyrics on my wrist

[kavi ~he-him~]

writing on my skin is actually helping me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I think it's a good coping mechanism from me

[kavi ~he-him~]

so listening to music, writing songs, singing, writing on my skin, is my healthy coping mechanism

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "so listening to music, writing songs, singing, writing on my skin, is my healthy coping mechanis..."

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

so, now I have a wrist full of song lyrics

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Ro..."

yeah, I'm still struggling with depression and anxiety, but I have healthy coping mechanism so I'm going to turn towards them instead of doing anything bad

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Ro..."

(view spoiler)[ You are strong too (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ so now every time I get the urge to self-harm I am going to sing runaway or draw or write on myself or listen to music or do something that's healthy, if I don't have a pen or music with me then I will sing, I will do anything that's healthy, anything to keep me from self-harming (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Royal council) wrote: "Lillian wrote: "Alex ~They/them~ (The Phoenix Reincarnated) (Bvbarmy) (Aelonian) (aa family) (Ro..."

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ the last time I self-harmed was November last year, but 2 days ago I came really close and I almost did it.....but instead I just put the thing down, and I sang runaway. (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

(view spoiler)[ runaway saved me from hurting myself, Sow saved me from hurting myself, well technically it was me singing runaway but still (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love SOW, sow is a very special band everyone loves

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

Alex I'm so happy and proud of you <3 <3

[kavi ~he-him~]

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "Alex I'm so happy and proud of you <3 <3"

THANK YOU!!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "Alex I'm so happy and proud of you <3 <3"

DELPHI

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

ALEX!!! <3