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~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~
message 13851:
by
kavi ~he-him~
(new)
Dec 27, 2017 08:50PM
(view spoiler)[ I don't think it was a good idea for Ella to invite Meredith for the Gallery opening (hide spoiler)]
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it's cold and I can't stop shivering
OH MY GOD MY LYRIC VIDEO HAD 291 VIEWS AND I ONLY POSTED IT 2 WEEKS AGO I LOVE YOU ALL!!!
so, I have a party today so I'm just going to come out to my friends tomorrow
Great, my depression is kicking in
so today this one person commented on one of my IG posts and said that Gay and bi are the only ones that exist. and all the others are mental disorders >.<
Gay, lesbian, bi, trans aren't the only ones in the LBGTQ+ community
asexual, pansexual, demisexual, polysexuals, and the other sexualities and genders are also apart of the LGBTQ+ community
tho it kind of hurts because that person was someone I followed.
also Inna is back on IG and I read her IG story and I am really angry
why do ppl spend so much time on hating on other ppl and spreading rumors?
Inna is a really kind person
when she replied to me the other day it made me happy and she was so kind to me
I hate that I can be feeling so happy one time, and then I'll fall and my depression kicks in
I'm still in love with Jonathan and I love him, but it's been 6 almost 7 months and idk whether I should let him go but keep our friendship, or whether I should just keep waiting.
And I want to be with him, but it's been 6 months and idk if I can hold on any longer. it hurts.
I've thought about just letting him go for now and seeing what happens. but idk
I don't think I can let him go. I tried letting him go twice it didn't work. I tried going for other guys, it didn't work.
my love for him is too strong and unbreakable.
and he doesn't know it but he saved my life and gave me hope
I've been in love with him for almost two years
Bvb and my other fav bands also saved me but I've known Jon longer than I was a fan of BVB. I do love bvb tho.
Before I met Jon, I was falling into depression, and I was feeling pain in my heart. Not physical pain, but emotional pain, and it hurt a lot, I cried inside, sometimes. And sometimes I felt alone, and unwanted. But I had anime and the books and they helped me, I thought that no guy would ever want me. No one waited for me even tho I waited for them, I was usually one of the last person, to get picked in group projects. I've been hurt by a lot of ppl. I've thought about suicide a lot, as well, I never did it because of the things I love and l didn't have the courage to. No one noticed when I cry, no one cared if I was sad. But then when I met Jon, it's like, things changed. He cared for me. He accepted me for ME. He loved me for ME. He was so kind and caring to me. He asked me if I was okay a lot. He noticed if I was sad, but he never pushed. He waited for me. He was my first kiss. and first person I fell in love with, I kept expecting him to leave, because the other ppl left. but instead he just stayed. but then we dated and broke up. And we became friends again 3 weeks later
But even after we became friends it was still hard. Because it was hard to tell if he cared for me. And I came close to giving up but I didn't cause I didn't want to hurt the ppl I love. And then summer came and I got into BVB and my other fav bands, and they helped me a lot. Their kept me going and gave me hope. And then I decided to give Jon space. And I tried letting him go but I couldn't and then he eventually came back to me and showed me he cared, and then we started talking again, and even then it was hard because half the time he cared and then half the time I couldn't tell if he cared or not. And then 2nd semester came and then me and Jon became really close again. He makes me smile uncontrollably even when I'm not in the mood.
I don't want to let him go, and I can't let him go, but Idk if I can wait any longer
great, I have a dentist appointment so I think I'll just come out to my friends on New Years day
OHMYGOD I'M CRYING PALAYE ROYALE NOTICED ME!!
I ASKED THEM WHO RUNS THE PALAYE ROYALE ACCOUNT AND THEY SAID "CURRENTLY ME"!!
I want to be with Jon but at the same time idk
I want to let him go but at the same time I don't want to. I can't
I love him, but at the same time idk if I love him like that
It's like, one side of my heart wants Jon and doesn't want to let Jon go. But the other side wants to let him go
I've been in love with Jon for almost two years but it's been 6 almost 7 months, since I last seen him, and it's been so long since the break up and I can't wait anymore because it hurts
I had the feeling that he was my true love and we were meant to be together
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Every Day (other topics)If I Was Your Girl (other topics)
If I Was Your Girl (other topics)
City of Lost Souls (other topics)
Leah on the Offbeat (other topics)
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