~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 13,301-13,350 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "okay, maybe I expected Ben to like it."

but all of them, except for Danny? I'm so happy

[kavi ~he-him~]

And yes, I know it's just a like, but for me, even just a like means so much to me. Irl, I'm one of the most quietest ppl, and I barely get noticed by a lot of ppl. I'm a loner, despite having friends, I will always be, I don't have any friends in college, and most of my friends from High school, are in different college. I'm invisible to most ppl. Even with my old group of friends, it's hard. I was like the third wheel. I was that friend that gets left out so much. I'd been hurt by the ones I called "friends". in preschool, I didn't have any friends, unless you count the "friends". when I was in school, no one noticed me if I cry, no one cared if I'm sad, except for Jon. even if I'm in pain, and can't sit still, no one will notice

[kavi ~he-him~]

yes, once, I've had some pain in my ribs, and it was hard to breathe because of it, and I was almost crying and I couldn't sit still and focus, and my teacher was teaching, no one noticed. another time, in class, my back was hurting badly, and I couldn't sit still, no one noticed. another time when I was in class, I had a really bad stomach ache, and I couldn't sit still cause it hurt a lot. no one noticed.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm an outcast, I've been an outcast my whole life, and I will always be one

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have difficulties fitting in with other ppl, no matter how hard I try

[kavi ~he-him~]

irl, I try so hard to be other ppl friends, but no, some ppl are just like no.

[[deleted user]]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "Firestar/Leon/Akuma i can't hold the demon inside me much longer wrote: "I met asking Alexandria in person 2 btw a like is no big deal 2 me but it might b 2 u"

WHAT???!!"

yep I'm not kiddin

[kavi ~he-him~]

some ppl become friends with me, like we talk, we get along, and it's great for awhile. but then they get tired of me. They stop trying. They leave me to be the only one that's trying. Then I'm the only one that's trying to be their friend, until it's time to stop trying because they stopped trying, or until I get hurt.

[kavi ~he-him~]

in group projects whenever we are supposed to pick the ppl to work with. I was one of the last ones to get picked.

[kavi ~he-him~]

no one ever waited for me, even tho I waited for them

[kavi ~he-him~]

except for Jon, he waited for me once, he's the first person to do that, and I've known him for two years.

[kavi ~he-him~]

sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just disappeared.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

most ppl won't notice.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh those thoughts are back

[kavi ~he-him~]

great.....I was happy earlier when Cameron liked my post....but now.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

anyways....that's why even just one like from my favorite band members, makes me so happy.

[kavi ~he-him~]

great.....I have breaking down feeling.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

fuck

[kavi ~he-him~]

I think I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.....my eyes are tearing up but it's only 9:27.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate getting memories of things I don't want to think about....I hate flashbacks......

[kavi ~he-him~]

fuck

[kavi ~he-him~]

sorry for cussing, I don't cuss often.

[kavi ~he-him~]

if I do cuss, it's only when I'm either ranting or in a mood.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ben's hashtags always cheers me up, but today they cheered me up a little but not a lot.

[kavi ~he-him~]

[kavi ~he-him~]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Fake smiles

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need a distraction.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've been listening to the same song on repeat for most of yesterday and today.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Killing you- Asking Alexandria

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Happy thanksgiving guys btw

[[deleted user]]

BANANA

[kavi ~he-him~]

I found Jonathan on Facebook and I sent him a friend request and he accepted it and now my heart is beating fast

[kavi ~he-him~]

Omg Jonathan's cover photo!! It's the group photo that my friends and I took in the last anime club and in the photo I have my arm on his shoulder!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I miss him
I love him

I miss my high school friends

[kavi ~he-him~]

Also his Facebook profile pic.

[kavi ~he-him~]

His smile is so amazing.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love his personality
I love his kindness
I love his sense of humor
I love his eyes
I love his smile
I love everything about him

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love him

[kavi ~he-him~]

No, I'm IN love with him

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm forever in love with him

[kavi ~he-him~]

funny story:

so back when I was in Australia and in Cairns, my family members and I were in the skyrail thing. And my cousins' dad and our other family members were in the sky rail thing behind us. And my Aunt said that if we see any animals point them out and one of my cousins was like, "I see daddy, does that count as an animal?" XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

well, I've fallen in love with Palaye Royale and Pvris

[kavi ~he-him~]

who's the 307th viewer?

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want a dog

[kavi ~he-him~]

my parents said they'll get me a dog for my 18th birthday THEY SAID but they forgot :/

[kavi ~he-him~]

at the beginning of senior year, my dad said he'd get me a dog when I graduate from high school

[kavi ~he-him~]

then when I reminded him about the dog, he said he'd get it to me for my 18th birthday which is in August

[kavi ~he-him~]

and....he forgot