~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 12,551-12,600 of 20,354

[kavi ~he-him~]

yes, I went for other guys but in the end I always chose Jon, mainly because deep inside, I knew that it would've work out with the other guys, and Jon is the one for me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

so now I'm just staying with Jon and waiting for him.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and that day I decided to marry him. I never thought about marriage until that day.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wouldn't have decided to marry Jon if he wasn't my true love or if my heart didn't decide it

[kavi ~he-him~]

because I don't want to marry anyone that is not my true love. I don't want to date anyone that isn't my true love.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but Jon is my true love and he is my one and only love

[kavi ~he-him~]

I know I have thought about marrying my childhood friend when I was younger, but that was when I was younger.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but now I'm older so.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I was 17 at that time I decided I wanted to marry Jon. And Jon is a really amazing guy. I love him and I love his family too. I met them at his graduation party.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm probably going to go to sleep soon cause it's 11:04 pm and I'm tired.

[kavi ~he-him~]

tho my brother has friends over.

[kavi ~he-him~]

why does my brother have friends over at 11:05 pm? unless they are having a sleepover. idk.

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh....

[kavi ~he-him~]

my depression is kicking in.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm so tired of these feelings.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel dead inside....idek why I feel like this.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

is it sad that I like to read depression quotes whenever I'm depressed?.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

*hugs* I started reading them when I was 16. idk why but they always help me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

on wattpad, I have a reading list full of depression quotes.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but I only read then whenever I feel really depressed. I'm always depressed. but I have moments when I'm feeling better than before.

[kavi ~he-him~]

see, I'm always depressed. Tho I always try to hide it behind my smile. my smile isn't real. my real smile is either hidden or gone. I haven't smiled it in a really long time.

[kavi ~he-him~]

But I'll have these moments, where I feel like I'm doing better than before cause I'm like trying to think positive and I have ppl I care about. And things I love. So I try to live for them and my dreams.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but then after a while, I'll fall down. every fall feels worse than before.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ugh.....I'd been suffering for so long.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

suffering cause of this emotional pain and my past.

[kavi ~he-him~]

sometimes I can't help but think about the negative stuff in my past. I can't help it. There is just way more downs than ups.

[kavi ~he-him~]

one of my black keys on my piano is broken tho. Idek how it broke.

[kavi ~he-him~]

tho sometimes I feel bad about my suffering because there are other ppl that are worse than me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but it doesn't take away the fact I still have my own struggles

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "one of my black keys on my piano is broken tho. Idek how it broke."

Which one?

(one of mine is too.)"

it's one of the keys in the low range. idk which one, I don't use all the keys when I play the piano. luckily it's not one of the keys that I might need when I play the piano. idk.

[kavi ~he-him~]

one of my white keys is also broken, it's one of the keys in the high range.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm gonna start closing the lid on my piano when little kids come over for a party or something. Don't get me wrong. I love the little kids, and I don't want to be mean or I don't want to not let them play the piano, but it's still my piano.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and it's an expensive piano, and I don't want any of the keys to break. And I've had that piano since I was 8 years old. It's the piano I had when I first started learning piano

[kavi ~he-him~]

HALLOWEEN IS IN 2 DAYS YAY

[kavi ~he-him~]

EVERYONE GUESS WHO I'M GOING TO BE!!!!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'M SO EXCITED!!! HALLOWEEN IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY!!

tho I still need to get the candy

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) (Aelonian) (AA family) wrote: "EVERYONE GUESS WHO I'M GOING TO BE!!!!!"

WHAT? TELL ME! TELL ME!"

LUNA LOVEGOOD!

I haven't got the costume yet but it'll probably come either tomorrow or by Halloween hopefully. I ordered the costume last week

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ben's birthday is also on Halloween!! I'm gonna make him something

[kavi ~he-him~]

SAME!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

oh and also,

[kavi ~he-him~]

IDC IF I'M TOO OLD FOR TRICK-OR-TREATING!! I'M STILL GOING!!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

also I'm gonna make an Halloween edit of Bvb and AA after I make the edit of Ben for his birthday

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love photoshop. I can do really cool things

[kavi ~he-him~]

:(

[kavi ~he-him~]

it's gonna rain tomorrow :( on Halloween, in the Afternoon

[kavi ~he-him~]

so I might not get to go trick-or-treating tomorrow....I just got my costume today.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I was really looking forward to it.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wonder if we can do the trick or treating the day after Halloween since its going to be raining on Halloween

[kavi ~he-him~]

Why on Halloween tho?

[kavi ~he-him~]

it's my favorite holiday