~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 12,501-12,550 of 20,354

[kavi ~he-him~]

Also, that guy asked me out again.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I didn't answer tho.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to tell him I'm not interested in going out, but I don't want to hurt that guy....x.x....

[kavi ~he-him~]

but I'm in love with Jon, and I will forever be in love with Jon. My gut feelings says Jon.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but ugh.....why does life have to be so complicated?

[kavi ~he-him~]

why is living so hard?

[kavi ~he-him~]

Why is it so difficult?

[kavi ~he-him~]

I cannot handle stress. I break easily if there is too much stress.

[kavi ~he-him~]

sometimes I feel like there is so much weight on my own shoulders.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel stuck here

[kavi ~he-him~]

is it bad that I've started college two months ago, and I still haven't made any friends yet?

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm a loner once again but this time I have no friends. All of my high school friends are in different colleges. Jonathan has work, he's working 30 hours per week and I haven't seen him in 4 months. I haven't made any friends in college yet. I have my friends on twitter, GR, and Insta, but I need friends that are close by too.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm shy and an introvert and I don't like hanging out with too many ppl, but I do need friends. everyone needs friends.

[kavi ~he-him~]

you know, after I graduated high school, I thought things would get better, there would be less stress, and my depression would go away. but fuck life. I thought college would be fun and awesome, but fuck life. There is just a lot of stress, now and my depression is still here. I'm still struggling my demons are still there.

[kavi ~he-him~]

High school was stressful too, but at least in high school, I had things. I had Jonathan, I had anime club I had friends in anime club, including Jon, High school was stressful but because of Jon and anime club and my friends, I was able to get through the day to see them.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jonathan always cheered me up even if he didn't know it. He makes me smile even when I'm not in the mood. Just by seeing him everyday makes me smile uncontrollably. I try not to smile but I fail and just smile anyways. with him, I'm able to forget about my problems, cause he's there, I don't have to worry about being awkward around him or him leaving me, cause he never left me, and he's still there, And he accepted me for ME. he loves me for ME. I was able to be myself without him judging me. He makes me so happy. His hugs makes me feel so safe and warmth. And he knows I'm awkward, cause I told him, yet he still stays.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Lillian wrote: "*hugs* Give it time, how could anyone not want to be friends with you?"

*hugs*

[kavi ~he-him~]

my other anime club friends accepted me too, even tho I'm different from everyone. and I'm so shy and awkward. They actually tried to include me in the group, and tried to get me to talk. Where am I going to find other ppl like these guys?

[kavi ~he-him~]

They made me feel wanted. And didn't leave me out, and my best friend, Annette, she forced me to go with them for Non-prom, where we just did our own kind of thing instead of going to prom. Which was more fun and cheeper. tho she didn't really force me because I wanted to go but at the same time a part of me didn't because I had the thought that it wouldn't make a difference whether I showed up or not. And I'm not much of a social person. But I went anyways. Because I did want to go and hang out with my friends.

[kavi ~he-him~]

once in anime club, I was like being quiet and in my own corner, and Annette told me to come over there and join them. XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

my old group of friends would never do that. in my old group of friends, I was more of the third wheel and I often felt left out and unwanted. if I was being quiet or something, they'd probably not notice me

[kavi ~he-him~]

And Jon too, where would I find another guy like him?

[kavi ~he-him~]

he's so amazing and rare

[kavi ~he-him~]

he's special

[kavi ~he-him~]

there is that guy that likes me and keeps trying to ask me out and there is my old crushes and there are other guys, but they can't compare to Jon. Sorry to the guy that likes me

[kavi ~he-him~]

but he can never replace Jon in my heart. even if he does love me, he would never love me the way Jon does, I will never love him the way I love Jon. He can never make me happy or cheer me up the way Jon does. Jon is special to me. I felt in my heart, two years ago after we became friends even before I had a crush on him.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I believe in true love, but I do not believe in love at first sight. Sorry to the ppl that believe in that.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but it's not love if you just meet the person and you suddenly decide you loved them. You can't love someone that you barely know.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Love isn't being attracted to anyone just because of their looks or being you want something from them

[kavi ~he-him~]

when you're in love you start to pay less attention to their looks, and more attention to their personality.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I speak from experience, but not just my own experience but because I read a lot of books, and I love romance, also at times I read love quotes.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I didn't fall in love when I first met Jon, but I fell in love with time. but I did get the feeling that he was special after we became friends and got to know each other.

[kavi ~he-him~]

And once you fall in love, you can't fall out of love. it's not possible to fall out of love with someone unless the love wasn't real. True love never dies, it only lasts forever. even if you break up the love will still be there

[kavi ~he-him~]

my love for Jonathan never faded after the break up. it only grew stronger.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel like me and Jon are binded together by love

[kavi ~he-him~]

love is an amazing feeling, it's complicated, but it's all worth it in the end, because love is the best feeling ever

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have a feeling that when me and Jon get back together. the world may or may not collapse (not literally but you know) because our love is just too strong.

[kavi ~he-him~]

so strong that it's unbreakable, and nothing/no one can come in between us. No one/nothing can separate us because we'll just eventually fall back in each other's arms.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Is it crazy that I was already thinking of marriage at the age of 17

[kavi ~he-him~]

like I already decided the guy I wanted to marry

[kavi ~he-him~]

love is when you know the other person's flaws and imperfection, and you still love them anyways and accept them for who they are

[kavi ~he-him~]

actually tbh when I was 8 I had a childhood friend, and one time we were just talking about getting married in the future XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

but he moved away and I met Jon now so

[kavi ~he-him~]

tho with my childhood friend, it was more of an on and off friendship, like half the time we were friends, then half the time its like....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm happy with Jon now tho.

[kavi ~he-him~]

even if we're not together

[kavi ~he-him~]

my best friend on twitter says we are meant to be

[kavi ~he-him~]

I told them about me and Jon's story, and this is exactly what she said:

oh, he really sounds, perfection and caring and loving person. your love for him is very strong and deep. yes, I believe in true love too, even that I have had broken heart many times. and even that you and Jonathan have broke up, you still are friends now, besties, so even that he said that you guys don't have common, but this friendship shows that you have plenty common thing cause you are still together. and no rush, even that your heart burns of love for him. take your time, and to me it feels that you guys belong together, that he totally is your true love.

[kavi ~he-him~]

You know the person is special when your heart says it too

[kavi ~he-him~]

my heart said it about Jon