~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 12,301-12,350 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

besides I'm in love with Jon

[kavi ~he-him~]

should I just tell him that I'm in love with another guy

[kavi ~he-him~]

And I'd been in love with Jon for a long time so

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm happy with Jon. I trust him and I've known him for two years, and he's so kind and nice and I know he's not going to use me. If he wanted to use me he would've done it long time ago.

[kavi ~he-him~]

also Jon's not the kind of guy that uses ppl. He's like one of the guys that are hard to find.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love him so much. And I don't really want to be with anyone else.

[kavi ~he-him~]

even tho we're not together rn. But I'm waiting for him. I'm not going to leave him. I will always be here for him.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel safe when I'm with Jon.

[kavi ~he-him~]

he's my best friend, my world my everything. I can't imagine a life without him. without him I feel lost.

[kavi ~he-him~]

the other day before I graduated highschool and before I turned 18, I decided that I wanted to marry Jon. it's a crazy thing cause I was 17 at the time, but he's just so amazing and I just can't live without him.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I think Jonathan is my soulmate

[kavi ~he-him~]

he's my true love.

[kavi ~he-him~]

tho the only problem is we're still broken up. even tho we're still best friends

[kavi ~he-him~]

I should probably text him again, tho because it's been 4 months since I last saw him in person 3 months since I last texted him

[kavi ~he-him~]

another problem is, IDK HOW TO TELL HIM HOW I FEEL WITHOUT SOMETHING COMING IN THE WAY

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

Ooooh someone lovvvvves you <3

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

:D

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "Ooooh someone lovvvvves you <3"

are you talking about Jonathan or that other guy?

[kavi ~he-him~]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "another problem is, IDK HOW TO TELL HIM HOW I FEEL WITHOUT SOMETHING COMING IN THE WAY"

I'D BEEN TRYING TO TELL HIM MOST OF THIS YEAR

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "but he's been trying really hard to ask me out and stuff, and the thing is I'm not really interested in being anything other than friends and I'm in love with someone else. And I want to tell that ..."

Girl, what you need to do is try it out, its a good way to determine if that person is the perfect one for you

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "Ooooh someone lovvvvves you

are you talking about Jonathan or that other guy?"

Other guy <3

[kavi ~he-him~]

but something keeps coming in the way. it's either I'm not ready or he's not ready or I'm hurting or he's hurting and I don't wanna do it at the wrong time.

[kavi ~he-him~]

The ONE time I was ready, at the last week of senior year, we were supposed to meet up to trade games, and that was when I was going to tell him I love him. I WAS READY, I WAS GOING TO DO IT!! LIKE ACTUALLY DO IT!! I HAD A PLAN but then he didn't show up. :/ tho he remembered the trade on the last day of school and I just hugged him twice, the second time I hugged him tightly and just held on for a while and he just let me

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "Ooooh someone lovvvvves you

are you talking about Jonathan or that other guy?"

Other guy <3"

oh, I don't really trust him. I don't know him that well and I don't want to end up being used

[kavi ~he-him~]

I trust Jonathan, I have trust issues but he earned my trust.

[kavi ~he-him~]

another problem is, he let his depression come in between our relationship. so I'm afraid he might do it again. Tho we should be going through it together because we're both in depression

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "Ooooh someone lovvvvves you

are you talking about Jonathan or that other guy?"

Other guy

oh, I don't r..."

Well get to know him by being his friend first, who knows, maybe he is the one

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "Ooooh someone lovvvvves you

are you talking about Jonathan or..."

no, I can't see myself with anyone else other than Jon, I don't really want to. My love for Jonathan is WAY too strong, like so strong that it's unbreakable, my love for Jon will always last forever. Trust me, I tried going for other ppl, and I tried moving on from him, I couldn't do it. Jonathan is special to me. I've never felt this way about anyone the way I feel about Jon. And I'm not letting him go again. ever. because I have a feeling that it's going to last forever

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

Then confess. By email if you have to. Otherwise he's gonna end up having a girlfriend

[kavi ~he-him~]

Also with Jon, I can feel the sparks when our bodies are touching, and when we were together, whenever he was holding me, I felt warmth, and even after we broke up and still remained friends. Whenever I hug him, I feel warmth in my chest.

[jericho]

kavy, girl. if you love jon then go for him...but don't start off with i like you because i'm sure it'll scare him away...

just have a nice little conversation and tell him you have something to confess... and then after you tell him... tell him that you don't want to ruin your friendship or anything

[kavi ~he-him~]

also Jonathan came in my dream last night

[kavi ~he-him~]

listening to love songs and looking at love quotes cause why not XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

Paint it black by Andy Black

Don't you know
We're still gold
Just another day we made mistakes

Face the rain
Don't walk away
There's another chance to set it straight

It's not too late to turn back home
And we were never meant to be alone
You know we've got each other

It's not too late for two lost souls
We're not the only ones to lose control
But we're in this together, yeah

Every time you walk away
I lose the one I need to save
I just paint it black
Like starting over

Every time I lose a fight
And I'm dying to be right
I just paint it black
So you remember

This won't last forever
It's just another night

Same old song
We sang along
Never knowing how it's gonna end

I am here with love my dear
We can let it go and start again

In my heart we share a home
And all the years that we have grown
You know we've got each other

So hear me out and don't give up
The world is ours and with our love
We're in this together, yeah

Every time you walk away
I lose the one I need to save
I just paint it black
Like starting over

Every time I lose a fight
And I'm dying to be right
I just paint it black
So you remember

This won't last forever
It's just another night

So look in my eyes
Clear as the skies
You can see right through me
Your heart bleeds through me

No matter where you are
I won't leave you behind
We'll make it out alive
We'll make it out alive

Every time you walk away
I lose the one I need to save
I just paint it black
Like starting over

Every time I lose a fight
And I'm dying to be right
I just paint it black
So you remember

Even on our final day
When you cannot find your way
I just paint it black
Like starting over

This won't last forever
It's just another night

It's just another night
It's just another night

[kavi ~he-him~]

Rebel Love song by Black Veil Brides

I cannot hide what's on my mind
I feel it burning deep inside
A passion crime to take what's mine
Let us start living for today

Never gonna change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothing's gonna stop us
No, not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

My outlaw eyes have seen their lies
I choke on all they have to say
When worlds collide what's left inside?
I hold on tight and hear you pray

Never gonna change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothing's gonna stop us
No, not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom
Wild and running for one reason
They can't stop us from our freedom

Never gonna change my mind
We can leave it all behind
Nothing's gonna stop us
No, not this time

So take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

Take your hand in mine
It's ours tonight
This is a rebel love song
Hearts will sacrifice
It's do or die
This is a rebel love song

[kavi ~he-him~]

End of the world by Juliet Simms

We flew too close to the sun
so close I thought it was heaven
If hell is a life without love
am I being punished for what I’ve done

The sky's on fire,
All the stars disappear,
no signs of life without you here

Tears will fall
Oceans will rise,
The earth will stop turning
Since you left
every breath feels like it’s burning
I know that life will go on
I will survive,
but for tonight
I’d swear on my life
this is the end of the world

Slept on your side of the bed
replayed the things that I should have said
I wish I had summoned the strength
to leave alone what I couldn’t change

The sky’s on fire
All the world disappears,
no signs of life without you here

Tears will fall
oceans will rise,
the earth will stop turning
Since you left
every breath feels like it's burning
I know that life will go on
I will survive,
but for tonight
I’d swear on my life
this is the end of the world

The sky’s on fire
All the stars disappear
no signs of life without you here

Tears will fall
oceans will rise,
the earth will stop turning
since you left
every breath feels like it's burning
I know that life will go on
I'll survive,
but for tonight
I’d swear on my life this is the end of the world

[kavi ~he-him~]

Not Broken Yet by Juliet Simms

Back when we first kissed it felt like
Every star above our heads aligned
Every little piece fell into place and
Every single moment made us feel alive

Never used to be so complicated
No in between just black and white

When everything turns to grey
I still see you
When the cold won't go away
I can still feel you
Even when the sky is falling
And I'm hanging on by a thread
I'm standing on the edge of nothing
But I know it's not broken
I know it's not broken yet

Funny how life throws you punches
You kick and scream but it just keeps coming on
Maybe every dream that seemed to fade will
Find another way to live again some day

Never used to be so complicated
No in between just black and white

When everything turns to grey
I still see you
When the cold won't go away
I can still feel you
Even when the sky is falling
And I'm hanging on by a thread
I'm standing on the edge of nothing
But I know it's not broken
I know it's not broken yet

As time goes on, we still discover
Traces of hope in each other
With every ending
We can find a beginning
Start it over again

When everything turns to grey
I still see you
When the cold won't go away
I can still feel you
Even when the sky is falling
And I'm hanging on by a thread
I'm standing on the edge of nothing
But I know it's not broken yet

When everything turns to grey
I still see you
When the cold won't go away
I can still feel you
Even when the sky is falling
And I'm hanging on by a thread
I'm standing on the edge of nothing
But I know it's not broken
I know it's not broken yet
Oh ohh oh ohh
I know it's not broken yet
Oh ohh oh ohh
I know it's not broken yet

[kavi ~he-him~]

also, I started playing the piano again yesterday. And I was playing fur Elise. I had to reteach myself that song because I forgot how to play and it's been a long time since I last played that song

[kavi ~he-him~]

I thought myself that song when I was 13 years old. it was really difficult but I learnt it in just a few days, maybe one or two I don't remember, and I memorized it in just a few days

[kavi ~he-him~]

I remember when I was younger like when I was 8 or 9 years old, and when I was still taking piano lessons. my first piano teacher was mean so I switched to a different teacher, she was nice.

[kavi ~he-him~]

but when I was 9, my second piano teacher gave me some piano books, where I learnt how to play some songs, so some of the songs, the teacher thought me them but then some of the songs I just learnt by myself. my teacher had to skip teaching me some of the songs because I'd already learnt them by myself XD

[kavi ~he-him~]

They were pretty easy tho. my teacher gave me some easy books and she gave my brother a little harder books, but they weren't that hard

[kavi ~he-him~]

And I'd sometimes take my brother's books and then I'd learned some of the songs from there.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I learnt how to play naut music (not sure if I spelled that correctly) and ode to joy. Both my brother's books and my books had ode to joy, but I learned the song from both my brother's and mine. they were both a little different. one was easy to play and one was harder.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I was in elementary school at that time. Well I was 8 or 9 at the time I was taking piano lessons. so. but we had a music class in elementary school. Everyone had to do that class which is one or two days per week. And the music teachers sometimes asked us if we wanted to play a song on the piano and sometimes I'd bring my pieces and play a song on their piano.

[kavi ~he-him~]

that was before I got stage fright and now I have stage fright and I'm really shy

[kavi ~he-him~]

but then again those ppl were my classmates at the time so.

[kavi ~he-him~]

idk how I got stage fright but it's just there suddenly. and suddenly I got really shy to perform in front of others.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I still have stage fright and I'm still shy but I'm working on overcoming those fears.

[kavi ~he-him~]

now that I think about it....I used to be able to perform in front of others with ease. without getting scared and nervous >.<