~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 11,951-12,000 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

even now sometimes I've had ppl look at me with dirty looks

[kavi ~he-him~]

I never learned to love myself. instead of learning to love myself, I learned to hate myself instead, because of all those hate

[kavi ~he-him~]

self-love is important

[kavi ~he-him~]

idk if I can trust my brother either, cause even tho we're twins, he hasn't been there when I needed him the most. He didn't protect me when I was still being bullied. He's my brother he's supposed to protect me, and help me. but no.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I used to trust ppl so much but I got hurt a lot, and the last time I easily trusted someone, was three years ago, and that person hurt me really badly. And now I'm struggling with trust issues and can't trust anyone easily

[kavi ~he-him~]

I trust the bvb guys because they are my heroes, and they've been there for me so many times. They were the ones that taught me to not to care about the haters and to never give up no matter what

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've even been told so many times no one likes me. so idk what to believe

[kavi ~he-him~]

the other day I've said that I didn't care about the haters or if ppl leave me anymore.

[kavi ~he-him~]

the thing is a part of me still does care. because it hurts

[kavi ~he-him~]

it tears me apart when the ones that I thought were my "friends" leave just like that

[kavi ~he-him~]

it hurts when someone who once thought you were special before, just suddenly starts treating you like your unimportant

[kavi ~he-him~]

I broke down crying a little in the shower today but I didn't cry for long

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wasn't in the mood for singing much but then I started singing Lost it all by Black veil brides, and then I started feeling a little better

[kavi ~he-him~]

bvb always calms me down

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm afraid I might start crying again tho

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love and hate crying

[kavi ~he-him~]

crying is good

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel better after crying, because it relieves the tension.

[kavi ~he-him~]

sorry for complaining a lot guys....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't usually complain about my problems irl....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wish I could meet Andy or one of the bvb guys soon

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have a goal to meet at least one of my fav bands before I die

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I wanna meet bvb so badly

[kavi ~he-him~]

two of my biggest fears is getting too close or attached to someone and losing someone I love

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm afraid to get attached to someone because I'm afraid they are going to leave or hurt me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I miss Jon, I haven't seen him for 4 months.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need him.....

[[deleted user]]

❄️Ƙανу тнє Ƒαℓℓєη Aηgєℓ❄️ (Ɓνвαяму) wrote: "sorry for complaining a lot guys...."

It's ok. I complain a lot on GR too. Maybe it helps us?

[kavi ~he-him~]

yeah complaining does get it off your chest

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't think I can be fixed tho....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm broken and shattered to the point where I can't be fixed

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh my demons are back

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I also have class tomorrow at 8:30

so I have to put on my mask.....because I don't want anyone to notice.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm okay....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't feel up to going to geek society club today....

[kavi ~he-him~]

maybe I'll go next week....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I feel depressed today....idk why.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

mom yelled at me....:(

[kavi ~he-him~]

ugh.....I was doing a little better today.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

but now the feeling of breaking down is back

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't wanna break down again like I did yesterday.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wish my mom would stop yelling at me too much....

[kavi ~he-him~]

it doesn't help me.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I know she loves me but yelling doesn't help me....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have a fragile heart

[kavi ~he-him~]

I might act like I'm happy or put on a fake smile, but inside I'm so fragile, and broken

[Jaxon(Jax)[They-He]]

hey kavy

[kavi ~he-him~]

funny how a smile can just hide so much.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

Sylveon-Raven- wrote: "hey kavy"

Hey

[kavi ~he-him~]

Everyone including my parents, is fooled by my fake smile....