~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 11,901-11,950 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

Voice lessons today

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm going to go for my voice lessons soon. Wish me luck

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm back from voice lessons

[kavi ~he-him~]

My voice teacher said she taught my brother when we were in 7th and 8th grade

[kavi ~he-him~]

also, I changed my mind about that AMDA school, because my voice teacher said that they accept everyone in the first year but then after a while they cut off half of the people, and I don't want to go there, only to get my dreams crushed

[kavi ~he-him~]

but she says that there are other really good performing arts school and I'll look them up

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm gonna look for one in LA

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't find any other colleges for performing arts in LA

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm looking at LA because it's like one of capital city of entertainment, and I'd been thinking of moving to LA for a while now but it's so expensive and stuff

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm looking for a college with both acting and music

[kavi ~he-him~]

also there's Hollywood

[kavi ~he-him~]

maybe I'll ask my voice teacher

[kavi ~he-him~]

and maybe I'll also wait a while and see what happens

[kavi ~he-him~]

the page number O_O sorry I'm a maze runner fan

[kavi ~he-him~]

so my dad caught me talking to my friends on Insta, and I was crying because I didn't know those ppl irl but I still love them because my friends on twitter, Insta, and GR are like a family to me.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I told my dad I wasn't stupid and I know that there are bad ppl out there but there are good ppl too.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and after a while after talking he said that I can talk to them as long as I don't give out any personal information

[kavi ~he-him~]

I almost had a panic attack cause I thought I was going to lose my friends

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't lose any friends....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't lose anyone that I love.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm still broken and shattered inside

[kavi ~he-him~]

no one knows this....

[kavi ~he-him~]

but I'm holding on by a thread

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

Kavy <3 You ok?

[kavi ~he-him~]

idk

[[deleted user]]

It happened to me before...

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't want to say I'm okay, when I'm not okay. but I don't know how to say my feelings

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm still struggling

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

<3 We're here for you

[kavi ~he-him~]

also my dad asked me if I trust him and my mom and my brother, but tbh idk

[kavi ~he-him~]

because for me trust just doesn't come that easily anymore....

[kavi ~he-him~]

for me trust, requires understanding and patience, and loving me no matter what, and accepting me no matter what.

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

That's very true <3

[kavi ~he-him~]

I trust my friends/family on GR, Insta, and twitter, because they've been there for me so many times and hadn't left me like the others had. They've accepted me for ME and I love them for that

[kavi ~he-him~]

for me, trust just doesn't mean blood.

[kavi ~he-him~]

just because we're related by blood, doesn't mean family

[kavi ~he-him~]

family is more than blood

[kavi ~he-him~]

it's love, it's understanding, it's trust, it's love

[kavi ~he-him~]

my mom doesn't understand either, she's like "study study study" and keeps reminding me to study I know that but I don't want her to remind me because it pressures me

[kavi ~he-him~]

I was looking forward to college cause I thought it would've been better than school

[kavi ~he-him~]

but there is still the stress. I'm trying to get rid of stress, because I'm trying to focus on my mental health too!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I want to live. I don't want to fight my battle anyone, I want this battle to end, but I want to win, I have to keep fighting

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't want to be at the edge, again

[kavi ~he-him~]

my mom is like, "Kavya, you can't be depressed." my dad is like, "Kavya, be happy." I tell my mom, that Depression is a serious thing, it's an illness, and I can't help it and she goes like, "if it's a mental illness, then I'll have to take you to a doctor" -_-

[kavi ~he-him~]

oml.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

I NEVER ASKED TO BE DEPRESSED, I NEVER ASKED TO HAVE ANXIETY!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

Depression doesn't just go away like that

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've been dealing with Depression, for 3 YEARS NOW!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

and having both Depression and Anxiety just makes things worse

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm blinded to love from other ppl's love because I grew up being hated by so many ppl