~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 8,201-8,250 of 20,354

[kavi ~he-him~]

if you need something ASK FOR IT!! not everyone is a mind reader


I can't say anything cause I have trouble asking for things I need, cause I'm so shy but I don't cheat

[kavi ~he-him~]

when I love someone I stay loyal to them, I might have other guy friends but it's just friends, Jonathan is the only guy for me

[kavi ~he-him~]

my birthday is in 52 days

[kavi ~he-him~]

Yes I'm starting the count down for my birthday now

[kavi ~he-him~]

I usually start the count down for my birthday at this time or in July

[kavi ~he-him~]

But July is going to be a busy month for me so :D

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

Happy soon to be birthday~!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

so since I'm going to be going to Austrailia for two weeks in July

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm not gonna be on much

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'll try but idk if I'll be able to

[kavi ~he-him~]

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "Happy soon to be birthday~!!"

thanks!! and same to you <333333333

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't believe I'm already turning 18

[kavi ~he-him~]

all these years went by fast

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

We'll miss you~! And your hugs and positivity ^.^

[kavi ~he-him~]

my birthday one of my favorite days of the year next to halloween

[kavi ~he-him~]

I love and hate my birthday

[kavi ~he-him~]

I hate it because it's one of the hottest days and I get dehydrated easily


I don't drink enough water

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've gotten dehydrated on my birthday before and I don't want to get sick on my birthday this birthday is gonna be a big thing cause I'm becoming an adult

[kavi ~he-him~]

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "We'll miss you~! And your hugs and positivity ^.^"

I'll miss you too

[kavi ~he-him~]

it's gonna be hard for me to be off of GR that long XD


I'm addicted to GR

GR is my home

[kavi ~he-him~]

I tried taking a hiatus for one day once, cause I needed to get myself together, and I was getting some thoughts and overthinking and struggling with my demons and I needed a break, and I couldn't do it cause I was missing you guys

[kavi ~he-him~]

sometimes I think of taking another hiatus but at the same time I don't want to because I need to be around other ppl, not all the time but sometimes

[kavi ~he-him~]

I have moments where I'm struggling and then moments where I'm doing fine, like I can be doing fine for a while but then I fall again and things get worse than before, idk why I fall or what made me fall, but sometimes I start overthinking and stuff and it kills me, that's why I'm scared of my mind, I like thinking because I don't talk to others much irl and I'm alone a lot, but I don't like overthinking because it's terrible

[kavi ~he-him~]

everytime I fall down, it seems worse than before, but I continue to keep going

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've had moments where I get suicidal thoughts, I've been at the point where I've felt like giving up, because I didn't know any other way out of it, but then I'll start thinking about the things/ppl I love and the things I want to do, and then I decide to keep going for another day. and then another day

[kavi ~he-him~]

I don't like making plans because it usually doesn't go the way I plan it but I have to do it, or else I might never get some things done, I like going with the flow. cause I don't like thinking about the future much.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Yeah, I'm still struggling but I have some reasons to stay alive for, and I'm living for those reasons

[kavi ~he-him~]

reasons keeping me alive:

Jonathan
Music
GR
my friends on GR
my fav bands and anime
my anime club friends, even tho Idk when I'm going to see them again
my cousin
my future
things I love

[kavi ~he-him~]

mainly Jonathan and music tho and my friends on here

[kavi ~he-him~]

and my cousin

[kavi ~he-him~]

but mostly Jonathan

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jonathan is like the light to my depression

[kavi ~he-him~]

he keeps me alive, and cares for me so much

[kavi ~he-him~]

and I care for him too

[kavi ~he-him~]

like i said the other day, most of the things that I'd done is for Jonathan cause I love him

[kavi ~he-him~]

when I first met him I didn't know how much of an important person he was going to be in my life until I fell in love with him.

[Delphinia (Dhamma ✿)]

How are you feeling now? Take care of yourself now and the thoughts might come back, but you can always help those later like you help them now. And you're never truly alone--we're with you. Right there along side you. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. For you to stay even with these thoughts, you're incredibly strong.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and he came in my dreams a lot O_O

[kavi ~he-him~]

but then one time he came in my dreams, and in the dream, my ex-friend was in there too (-_- I hate her cause she'd hurt me really badly) she introduced Jon to another girl and then Jonathan was like all over her and trying to push me away and it made me sad and then I woke up and then I realized that losing Jon is like a nightmare

[[deleted user]]

Kavy be careful okay? Be careful around Jon. Don't fall too much.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "How are you feeling now? Take care of yourself now and the thoughts might come back, but you can always help those later like you help them now. And you're never truly alone--we're with you. Right ..."

Thank you. I'm fine now, but not fully fine

[kavi ~he-him~]

- ̗̀ le trouble ̖́- wrote: "Kavy be careful okay? Be careful around Jon. Don't fall too much."

okay

[kavi ~he-him~]

but everyday, I fall in love with Jon deeper. everything about Jon makes me fall in love with him more and more.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I know Jon isn't on GR and will not be reading these things but I just feel like writing these letters to him on here

[kavi ~he-him~]

idk I feel like it might kind of help a little bit

[kavi ~he-him~]

okay I'd been thinking about Jon non-stop all day!!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I
can't
stop
thinking
about
Jonathan

[kavi ~he-him~]

Hey!!! I have guy friends and Jonathan has friends that are girls

[[deleted user]]

you keep thinking about him but is he thinking about you?

[kavi ~he-him~]

so yeah we CAN be friends with members of the opposite sex