~the sea does not like to be restrained (Kavi's journal)~ Showing 7,401-7,450 of 20,355

[kavi ~he-him~]

I haven't got over that time when (view spoiler)[ she called him an unwanted burden (hide spoiler)]

[kavi ~he-him~]

Jon told us that his mother is a sweet person.....but whenever he's around and no one else is there.....

[kavi ~he-him~]

that makes me a little angry because Jon is a really nice and kind and sweet person.

[kavi ~he-him~]

and he is funny and has a great sense of humor and I love him and care for him so much

[kavi ~he-him~]

me and Jonathan kind of have a connection, and it hurts me when Jon is in pain, literally I can feel his pain

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need to get Jonathan into Black Veil Brides

[kavi ~he-him~]

because I love Jonathan and I love Black Veil Brides, and bvb means so much to me because they saved my life. And I trust Jonathan with my life

[kavi ~he-him~]

and Bvb helped me through so much

[kavi ~he-him~]

and then maybe I'll listen to his music for him too

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't believe I'm actually done with school

[kavi ~he-him~]

I made it this far

[kavi ~he-him~]

omg someone help me, there are two flies here and I am trying to eat my food

[kavi ~he-him~]

AHH FLIES ARE ANNOYING

[kavi ~he-him~]

:( I have to wear high heals to the Graduation ceremony

[[deleted user]]

I LOVE HIGH HEELS!

[kavi ~he-him~]

I can't stand high heels I'm more of a tennis shoes kind of person

[kavi ~he-him~]

I need to get back to my writing cause I AM BEHIND

[[deleted user]]

❄️Princess Kavy of BVBarmy/Books/Music ❄️~Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me~ wrote: "I need to get back to my writing cause I AM BEHIND"

I'm trying to get caught up, but my folks wants me to do other things.

[kavi ~he-him~]

OML MY BOOK OF ASTROLOGY SIGNS ON WATTPAD HAS 661 READS AND 111 VOTES OML

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm stuck with writer's block

[kavi ~he-him~]

But it's been so long and I'm still on the 4th chapter of my 1st book

[[deleted user]]

I know how you feel, Kavy.

[kavi ~he-him~]

Today is National egg day and National chocolate macaroon day and National repeat day

[kavi ~he-him~]

Yesterday was national doughnut day, it was funny because my teacher brought donuts yesterday

[kavi ~he-him~]

I wanna write a new song or a poem but idk what to write

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'd been trying this kind of writing where I just write what comes into my mind

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm gonna create a writing journal here and I'll put all of my writings there what should I name it?

[kavi ~he-him~]

Maybe I'll use a quote about writing

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ooh I know what to name it. The never ending world of writing

[[deleted user]]

yolo

[kavi ~he-him~]

LEON

[kavi ~he-him~]

so I'd been doing some thinking

[kavi ~he-him~]

I keep overthinking and I need to stop but it's hard to stop

[kavi ~he-him~]

Ever since Andy followed me on Insta it made me really happy like I couldn't stop smiling everytime I think about it

[kavi ~he-him~]

but then after a while I kind of fell again. I was kind of happy for a few moments but that's it

[kavi ~he-him~]

I graduated from High school and I'm kind of happy and sad about that but I'm still kind of struggling. there are moments when I'm fine, or I'm feeling slightly better, but I'm not fully better yet

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm still struggling, I'm still depressed, and I still have Anxiety

[kavi ~he-him~]

my suicidal thoughts, and demons, haven't been around as much as before but there are times when they come back, and when they come back they seem worse, but I try, I keep going, because I have some reasons to live, reasons that are keeping me alive, and the only reasons that keep me going

[kavi ~he-him~]

in the night time sometimes I start overthinking and thinking things over and thinking about life, if I'm not daydreaming about BVB or thinking about Jonathan I'm overthinking

[kavi ~he-him~]

overthinking, has been the main thing that I'd been struggling with, overthinking is the main thing that is keeping me from fully getting better, overthinking kills me, and makes me sad and stuff

[kavi ~he-him~]

the truth is, I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the past, I'm afraid of losing my friends I'm afraid of getting attached to ppl, I'm afraid of the ones that I'm really close to leaving. I know you guys aren't gonna leave me, and I know Jonathan isn't gonna leave me, and I know the ones that really care and love me won't leave me, but I can't help but be afraid

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'm still struggling with trust issues because I can't trust a lot of ppl. I trust Jonathan, I trust some of my friends on here. I trust my cousin, but that's it.

[kavi ~he-him~]

I trust Andy Biersack too, idk why but I trust him even if we hadn't met in person yet, I trust him because of him and his music, he saved my life through his music and the rest of the members in BVB too and the rest of my fav bands/singers

[kavi ~he-him~]

all of my fav bands/singers saved my life but mostly bvb, they taught me so much

[kavi ~he-him~]

Overthinking sucks

[kavi ~he-him~]

it's one of the things that was keeping from telling Jon I love him

[kavi ~he-him~]

you guys know how I kept getting scared and running away from telling him?

[kavi ~he-him~]

the real thing is, I've seen it coming, I've seen it happening when I tell him, I've seen him accepting me as his girlfriend when I tell him, but I keep getting scared because life comes in the way of things. Somethings happen, either I'm not ready or he's not ready or he's hurting or I'm hurting or we're both hurting or not ready or stuff, or I'm not ready for a relationship

[kavi ~he-him~]

I've had asked myself these questions a lot before me and Jon get together

Am I ready to be in a relationship?

Do I want to risk getting hurt because there is always the risk of getting hurt in love?


and sometimes I think yes, because I think I'm ready and I want to risk it because I love Jon, and I want to be with him, but then there's times when I think, Idk, because I don't know if I AM ready. Because I want to be with Jon, but the fears....I don't want anything to come in between us again. I don't wanna let him go again. I don't want him to get hurt and I want him to be happy, because I love him but now I think I'm ready because yes, I want to be with Jon. I want us to be together forever. He is my true love

[kavi ~he-him~]

I'd been trying to find a time to tell him, I don't want to tell him when he's hurting or in pain, or when neither of us are ready because I don't want to rush things, rushing into things only gets us hurt.